Broken
by Chuckyegg
Summary: While out on a run, Negan and Rick find a woman sleeping in an apartment. After Rick realises he knows her, he's shocked at how different she has become, the world turning her almost feral like. Negan warms to her quickly, finding himself mesmerised and eager to fix her.
1. Chapter 1

Negan and Rick climb the stairs, Rick relying heavily on his cane.

"Keep the fuck up, Grandpa," Negan says with a smirk.

"Who the hell are you calling Grandpa? I should have you carrying me up these damn stairs." Rick sneers. "Since you fucked up my leg in the first place."

"You want a piggy back? Why don't you hop the fuck on, old man?" Negan chuckles. "I could carry your ass all fucking day."

"Shut up," Rick says. "Lets just check this last floor, see if we can find anything so we can get the hell back to Alexandria."

They didn't find much in the way of supplies, though Alexandria was thriving and produced plenty of crops and grain, so they had no need to find food, not that it would be safe to be eaten after this length of time anyway. Their search was mostly for weapons, batteries, toiletries, or anything from the list that had been given to them.

Negan and Rick head towards the last apartment at the end of the corridor. They try the handle, expecting it to be locked as with most of the others, but it opens with ease.

"Christ, i can't wait to get outta here," Negan says as he wrinkles his nose. "The whole place smells like fucking ass."

"Do you have to be so vulgar?" Rick frowns.

"Yeah, i fucking do, it's part of my charm." Negan smiles.

"Just see what's good for taking. You take the bathroom, i'll take the kitchen."

"Oh, i like your fucking style, leaving me with the shitter," Negan grumbles.

"Just get the hell on with it," Rick says impatiently. As he rummages through the kitchen cupboards, he goes over in his mind what possessed him to bring Negan. He'd hoped Daryl would come, but he was out on a hunt, so he'd been stuck with Negan. Rick could've picked someone else, but Negan had been eager to volunteer, and to be fair, Negan was pretty damn good out here. Rick smiles as he snags a bottle of whiskey from the back of a cupboard. He places it in his backpack, not wanting Negan to set his sights on it.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Negan finds a box of tampons, half a bottle of shampoo, and a fresh tube of toothpaste. He shoves the latter in his pocket, fully intending on keeping it for himself.

Negan walks out of the bathroom, placing his items down on the kitchen counter. "You find anything?" He asks.

Rick shakes his head. "I'm gonna check here, you go check the bedroom." Rick points to a door in the corner.

Negan looks at the door with a frown. "Door's shut. There could be fucking anything in there."

"You scared?" Rick asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Fuck no! I'm just saying, it's fucking typical of you to have me do all the heavy lifting. Anyone would think that's the only reason you brought me."

"That _is_ the only reason i brought you." Rick smiles.

"Fucker, you don't mean that," Negan says as he opens the door a crack. He peers in, sure there's no dead, so he pushes the door open, stepping inside as he scans the room. _Holy shit!_ Negan stands near the door, his eyes fixated on the moth eaten double bed. He makes his way back into the lounge, appearing almost giddy with excitement. "Rick!" He whispers.

"What?" Rick doesn't look up, too engrossed in his search for supplies. He smiles as he finds half a pack of batteries stuffed deep under the cushion of the sofa.

"There's a girl!" Negan beams.

Rick looks up from where he's crouched in front of the sofa. "What?"

"There's a girl.. come check it out!"

Rick rises to his feet, grabbing his cane from the coffee table.

"See," Negan whispers with a smile as he gazes over at what is definitely a girl sleeping on the bed.

Rick shifts his feet, stepping closer to get a better look. He tilts his head with a frown. "No way."

"What?" Negan asks, not taking his eyes from her.

"I know her. She.. she was part of our group, back at the prison," Rick says. He's sure it's her. She looks a mess, her hair all matted and filthy, and her skin so dark with muck that he wonders if she hasn't seen a bar of soap since he last saw her.

"Really? Well this should make for a nice little reunion. Why don't you wake her the fuck up, so i can introduce myself." Negan smiles as he straightens the collar of his jacket.

Rick throws a scornful look at him, shaking his head. "You stay right there," Rick says as he makes his way over to the side of the bed. He leans over her, the cane taking most of his weight.

Rick doesn't get the chance to wake her. Her eyes flicker open, and they stare up at him with no recollection at all. She grabs her knife from beneath the pillow, jumping up off the bed as quick as a cat, knocking him backwards into the wall.

"What the hell?!" Rick yells, struggling to grab the knife from her hand. He manages to push her back on the bed, but his leg stiffens, making him wince. She slashes at his arm, Rick crying out as blood splatters over her face. She rolls him over, raising the knife as he grabs at his arm. Suddenly she slumps down, her head falling against his chest.

"You're fucking welcome," Negan says, holding a knife in his hand.

"Jesus Christ! Did you stab her?!" Rick frowns as he rolls her off him.

"What the fuck?! Hell no! I just clocked her in the temple. What kinda person do you think i fucking am?"

"Alright, i'm sorry," Rick says as he raises a hand. "You can't blame me for jumping to that conclusion, i mean.. it is you."

"The fuck it's me. I never went round killing women thank you very fucking much," Negan says in offence.

"Look, can you just find something for my arm?"

Negan takes the scarf from around his neck, tying it around Rick's arm. "Doesn't look too deep, you'll be fine. The hell is wrong with her anyway? Thought you said you knew her?"

Rick rises to his feet, looking down at her. "I did. I don't know what that was." He shakes his head.

"What's her name?"

"Eve," Rick answers.

"She must've been through some shit then. I mean, look at her, she's a damn mess. Still cute though." Negan smiles. "So what are we doing? We taking her with us?"

Rick nods. "Yeah. I can't just leave her here. She was one of us once. I might have to put her in a cell though, won't be safe to have her wandering inside the walls."

"Gee, you think?" Negan says sarcastically.

* * *

Negan carries her in his arms to the truck, Rick stumbling beside him as he struggles with his cane.

"You alright?" Negan frowns.

"I'm fine."

"Well you don't fucking look it. I would've carried you too," he says with a smirk.

Rick stares at him, his jaw clenched, but there's a hint of a smile beneath. "Just get her in the truck."

Negan sits her in the middle between them. They'd gone to the trouble of tying her hands, in case she should wake up.

Negan sits beside her, his nose wrinkling. "Christ she stinks!"

Rick smiles. "I thought you said she was cute?"

"She is. But that doesn't mean she couldn't do with a bath," he says as he winds down the window. "What are we gonna do if she wakes up half way to Alexandria?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

* * *

Eve doesn't wake on the journey there. In fact, Rick begins to worry that maybe Negan hit her too hard. That is until they go about the business of carrying her down the steps towards the cells.

Eugene and Heath had been tasked with carrying her, one grabbing her legs and the other her shoulders.

"She seems harmless enough," Eugene says as he holds her legs.

"Don't be fooled, Eugene." Negan smiles as he follows behind them. "She's a wild one."

And as if on command, she opens her eyes, staring either side of herself as she comes to, confused by her new surroundings and by the men that carry her. Eve kicks out, Eugene struggling to keep a grip on her.

Negan watches her with a smile. "You gotta be fucking quicker than that, boys."

She bares her teeth as she attempts to wriggle free from their grasp, but they both hold strong, in spite of Eugene's heart pounding against his chest. "Get off me!" She screams.

Negan is surprised to hear her talk, he thought maybe whatever had happened to her out there had left her mute, since she hadn't uttered a word when attacking Rick. But she's vocal enough, and her language is as foul as his.

"Get the fuck off me you cock suckers!" She yells, baring her teeth like an animal. "You try putting anything in me and i'll fucking tear it off! You hear me?! I'll fucking kill you!"

Rick follows Negan, his face dropping at the words coming out of her mouth.

Eugene and Heath struggle with her inside the cell. Every time they set her down, she runs after them, preventing them from leaving. They finally resort to swinging her and literally throwing her on the cot.

Negan grimaces upon hearing her back cracking as it hits the corner of the bed, but she gets back up seemingly unharmed, running towards the cell door but not before they manage to close it.

She grabs the bars, her eyes wild with fury as she shakes the door, or rather herself as the door refuses to budge.

Rick stands in from of her, holding up a hand. "Eve.. i don't know what happened to you, but you're safe here. I'm locking you up for your own safety, and the safety of my people. No one's gonna hurt you," he assures her.

She answers with a growl, banging her arms against the cell door. Negan watches her in awe, his eyes practically lit up. He hadn't really had much of a thought as to why she was this way, most of his thoughts being of the dirty kind. Negan looks at her as if she were a wild animal which he'd take great pleasure in taming.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd screamed most of the night, yelling out profanities that made even Negan blush at times. He sat with Eugene, waiting for her to tire herself out. Eugene had proven poor company, since he wasn't fond of Negan, and Negan couldn't understand much of what came out of his mouth.

At around two in the morning, Negan thought his ears had finally packed in, then quickly realised it was silent.

He makes his way down the stairs, turning towards her cell. Negan holds onto the bars as he watches her sleep with her knees almost tucked up to her chest. It felt strange to be on the other side of the bars. The last time he'd been down here, he'd been exactly where she was. As he stands there, he wonders genuinely for the first time what could've happened to her, and his plan to get in her panties seems to take a back seat as he shivers at the thought of a beautiful, little thing like her out there alone. Negan drops his head, feeling like a shit for thinking only of himself and what he can get from her.

He heads back up, the stairs creaking with every other step.

Eve opens her eyes, staring at the cell door. She'd wanted to scream at the man, but she knows that won't get her anywhere, so she'd feigned sleep instead. She _had_ recognised one of them, or at least she thought she had. It didn't really matter. She'd seen a million faces that had seemed friendly at first, and they'd all turned out to be wearing masks, hiding the ugliness beneath. The man she recognised was probably the same as the rest, just wearing a mask like they all had, waiting for her to let her guard down, and that's when they'd pounce, like the animals that they are.

Eve suddenly feels the need to pee. She makes her way to the corner of her cell, drops her panties, and pees right there on the floor. Making her way back to the cot, she crawls underneath. She'll stand a better chance of them leaving her alone if she hides under there, they'll find it harder to hurt her. After five minutes her eyes become heavy, and she gives in to sleep.

* * *

"So do you know how long she was out there?" Carson asks as he leans back in his chair.

Rick shakes his head. "She hasn't said anything.. other than screaming profanities."

"How long since you saw her last?"

Rick chews on the inside of his cheek as he thinks back to the prison. "About five years. We all got separated at the prison. A lot of people didn't make it."

"And she did that?" Carson asks as he gestures towards Rick's arm.

"Yeah. It's like she didn't know who i was."

Carson nods his head. "Okay. Well i'll come down and check on her, but if she's as bad as you say she is, it could take a while before she even talks to us. I'll try though," he assures him.

"Thanks, doc." Rick smiles as he gets to his feet.

* * *

Carson stands outside the cell with Negan and Rick, emitting a deep sigh as he sees her sleeping under the cot.

"She wasn't there when i checked earlier," Negan says.

Rick turns to him with a frown. "What were you doing down here?"

"What the fuck do you think? I was checking on her.. didn't i just fucking say that?"

"Has she eaten anything?" Carson asks.

Rick shakes his head. "I just asked Janet to bring something. She didn't exactly seem in the mood for eating when we brought her in, thought it best to leave her to calm down."

"Well she's hydrated, that's for sure," Carson says as he gestures towards a puddle in the corner of the cell.

Rick stares at it with a grimace. "Shit. It's been a while since these cells have been occupied, i didn't think to put a bucket in there."

"Thank Christ she didn't need a shit, that'd be too much even for me," Negan says with a chuckle.

"This isn't funny." Rick frowns.

"I fucking know that, Rick. It's just what i do, you'd think you'd fucking know that by now," Negan says.

Carson kneels down on the floor near her cell. "Eve."

"You think it's wise to wake her?" Rick asks.

"She's not sleeping. If i had to guess, i'd say she woke up the minute we step foot on the stairs," he whispers. "Eve. My name's Carson. I'm a doctor. You wanna come out from under there?"

She shakes her head to Rick's surprise, who genuinely thought she was sleeping.

"Well that's okay, you don't have to," Carson assures her. "No one here is going to hurt you, i promise you that."

"Fucking liar!" She hisses.

The three of them stare at her as if she were a wild animal that had just been discovered.

"Why would i lie?" Carson asks, his voice soft. He's met with silence as she refuses to answer. "Rick said he knows you. Do you remember him?"

"He wears a mask, like all of you fuckers!"

"A mask? You think people wear masks?" Carson asks. She shuffles further under the cot, appearing nothing more than a shadow. Carson rises to his feet and head upstairs with the others behind him.

"What do we do, doc?" Rick asks as he rubs at his temples. "What's wrong with her?"

Carson shrugs his shoulders. "I'd say an extreme form of PTSD. But it's probably not as simple as that. Hiding under the bed, talking about people wearing masks. It could be any number of things. The hiding under the bed thing is very childlike, a sign that she's regressed. She's obviously been through some kind of trauma, which we all have, but if i had to guess, i'd say she's been alone for a good while. It makes it harder to come back from something when you don't have someone to comfort you. If she's had a few bad experiences with strangers, then she's probably gonna be reluctant to trust anyone. Of course, i'm just speculating."

"So what do we do?" Rick repeats himself.

"Try and assure he she's not a prisoner here. That she's in there for her own safety. Try and earn her trust. Don't stifle her with questions, because she's most likely just gonna get agitated and shout curses at you. Make sure someone comes down a few times a day, just sit outside the cell. Be tactful though. You don't want her to feel as if she's an animal in a cage that's being observed."

Rick nods sombrely.

* * *

Negan walks down the stairs with a tray of food in his hands, silently praying she isn't taking a shit in the corner. As he comes within view of her cell, he needn't worry. She remains under the cot, Negan once again unsure if she's sleeping or not. He guesses she isn't. Living out there she probably has the ears of a cat, waking at the slightest thing.

He takes a key out of his pocket, unlocking the cell door and quickly setting her tray down. Negan fights the urge to approach her, knowing most likely it won't end well. "Grub's up," he says as he locks the door. Negan pulls out a chair, taking out a book that he'd stuffed in his back pocket. He had no intention of reading it, but he thought it were a good idea rather than just sitting there like an idiot.

The book turns out better than he thought, Negan chuckling loudly as he forgets his surroundings.

Eve turns her head towards the door. She knew he'd been sitting there, probably with the intention of hurting her when she least expected it, so she hadn't budged an inch, in spite of the rumbling in her stomach. But as she watches him read his book, she ponders the idea that it might be okay to quickly leave the safety of the cot so she can grab the tray. She moves an inch, but then her body won't allow her to move any further.

With her gaze fixed on the tray, she fails to see Negan watching her. Negan, though not the most sensitive of people, sees that she wants the tray, and yet she's reluctant to leave, most likely because he's there. "I'm gonna head upstairs, you want anything?" He asks casually, rising to his feet as he snaps the book shut. She flinches, moving back the inch she'd progressed. "I'll come back in about half an hour." As Negan gets to the top of the stairs, he smiles as he hears the sound of the tray scraping the floor.

* * *

Three days had passed since they'd brought her back to Alexandria. Negan had gotten into the habit of taking her food to her, except for the second day. Rick had insisted on taking her food instead. But after he'd found her tray still full in spite of him leaving, he decided it best that Negan continue in future.

Negan had somehow managed to keep his mouth shut. Saying nothing other than that her food was ready, and telling her when he was about to leave.

As he sits in front of her cell, reading a page from another book that he'd found interesting enough, he shifts his feet, just about ready to leave when he hears the tray scrape across the floor. Negan looks up in surprise, then he quickly drops his head back into the book, not wanting to make a big deal of it.

Eve had taken the tray quickly towards the cot, yet she sat on the floor in front of it rather than crawling under, figuring if he were stupid enough to try something, he'd get a spoon in the eye for his troubles. She went about eating her food, not taking a second glance at the quiet man that came to visit her.

Though he'd tried hard not to stare, he can't help it. Negan takes a good look at her, for the first time noticing that she's wearing what appears to have once been a summer dress. Now it hangs off her slight frame, it's original colour unknown. He'd thought she'd been wearing pants, but her legs are so filthy it just appears that way. Her feet are bare, but then he realises they had brought her in with bare feet. He looks away quickly, wondering whether he should say something. He decides against it, at least for the time being. She'd felt confident enough to grab the tray whilst he were still there, that was a big step he supposed.

As she finishes her last bit of food, she watches him warily, trying to get the measure of him. He wasn't like the others she'd seen, he was different somehow. The others seemed to look at him differently, as if he were some kind of pest that they wanted rid of. Maybe that's why they had him watch over her? So he was out of their way? Maybe he was a prisoner as much as she was?

Eve grabs her tray and walks half way across the cell, kneeling down as she places it on the floor, pushing it towards the door. He looks up from his book, his face soft as he smiles at her. But there's a darkness in his eyes that she recognises, and she crawls back a little, unsure whether it makes him a threat or an ally.

Negan slowly shuffles off the chair, instead sitting on the floor. She looks him straight in the eye, and he wonders how he never noticed how blue they are, especially as they peek out from her dirt covered skin, they're piercing in fact.

"Your eyes are dark," Eve says. Negan is a little taken aback, unsure of what to say, but then she saves him the trouble. "Have you seen things? Or have you done things?"

"Both," he answers honestly. "I've seen a lot of things, and i've done a lot of things.. things i'd rather forget."

"But you can't," she says.

Negan shakes his head. "No, i can't. I don't think any of us can. It'd be a fuck load easier if we could." He contemplates asking her what she'd rather forget, but decides against it.

"You're not like the others." She shuffles a little closer to the door. "They don't like you.. why?"

He stares at her, surprised that she'd managed to take notice even from her cell. "I.. i made some bad choices. I was trying to keep people alive, but.." Negan shakes his head. "I was in that very cell where you're sitting for a long fucking time."

"Help me get out," she says, rushing towards the cell door and grabbing the bars.

Negan almost stumbles backwards, her expression crazed and desperate. "You're safe here," he assures her.

"I'm not." Eve shakes her head, her eyes wild. "I can't be here. They'll hurt me."

"They won't."

"Then you're a fucking liar! Just like the rest of them!" She snaps, then proceeds to make her way back to the cot, sliding beneath it.

Negan's face falls, but he stays where he is for a good five minutes, then goes back to his chair, refusing to leave her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

 **So i didn't really know where i was going with this fic when i started it. Now i know a little of where i'm going, i need to add some warnings. In later chapters there may be flashbacks or talk of rape, so if anyone wants to stop reading i understand. I won't be writing in any graphic scenes of the actual act, but it won't be an easy read.**

* * *

She lies under the bed staring up at the mattress, and yet her mind is a mess of broken snippets, flashes of ugly faces. Some of those faces had hurt her, others she hadn't given the chance.

The sound of footsteps brings her back into the present, and she rolls onto her stomach, peeking out from the cot as she sees the same pair of boots that she'd grown accustomed to seeing. Eve hadn't said a word to him since he'd refused to help her three days before, but she _had_ continued to eat her food in his presence. She wonders what the deal is with him. Wonders why he insists on sitting there whilst she eats. In all honesty, she doesn't mind. It feels comforting to have someone just sit there for no apparent reason, no ulterior motive that she can see. The day before, he hadn't come. She wasn't sure why, but it had made her sad. It felt strange to feel something other than hate or anger, and she wasn't sure she liked it. When you started feeling things, people took advantage.

Negan unlocks her cell as usual. He breathes through his mouth, the stench coming from within almost stifling.

"Where did you go?"

Negan jumps a mile, almost dropping the tray. He places it down on the ground, keeping a safe distance near the door should she try to make a run from the cot. "I was on guard duty, someone got sick on their shift, so i offered to help. Rick said you didn't eat anything yesterday, so he sent me here today."

"I don't trust them. They might poison my food," she says from beneath the cot.

He smiles, shaking his head. "Rick's a prick, i'll give you that. But he wouldn't poison you. He's a good man. They're all good people here."

"Are you pretending?"

"Pretending?" He raises an eyebrow.

"With them." Eve gestures towards the outside of the cell. "Is this really you?"

"I'm not pretending." Negan shakes his head. "This is who i wanna be, and i'm trying really fucking hard."

"You weren't always with them, were you," she says, more a statement than a question.

"No, i wasn't." Negan crosses his legs. "I was with another group, their leader in fact."

"Why do they keep you here?"

"They.. they don't. I can leave if i want," Negan says.

"Then why don't you?"

"Because i like it here. Even though no fucker here likes _me_." He smiles. "You need people. What's the point in living otherwise?"

"Did you hurt people?"

Negan stares at her, thinking the best answer is the honest one. "Yeah, i did. Mostly to keep people in line, when they broke rules. But sometimes i hurt people when i didn't have to, sometimes i hurt the wrong people."

"Did you think they deserved it when you did it?"

"Yeah.. in the moment i did. The lines in this world are so blurred, it's real hard not to fucking cross them on occasion," Negan says. Eve nods in agreement, seeming the most lucid since she arrived at Alexandria. "I can see this world has been cruel as fuck to you. But if you trust me, i'll make damn fucking sure that'll never happen again, not _ever_."

Eve stares at him, then she cautiously makes her way out from under the cot. Negan leans forward as he pushes the tray towards her, being careful not to move his legs even an inch closer. She stretches out her hand, pulling her tray the rest of the way.

Negan watches as she eats, Eve looking at him warily every few seconds. "Would you like me to bring you anything?" He asks. She shakes her head, cramming food into her mouth. "Maybe a few buckets of water and a change of clothes?"

"No!" She yells, her eyes wide as she spits food in his direction. Negan wipes a few pieces of half chewed rice from his face. Eve continues to stare at him, working out whether his being nice to her is just a trick, a ploy for her to let her guard down.

Negan can see the change in her features, watching as her eyes glance in the direction of the cot, as if she's debating crawling back under there. "It's okay," he says softly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just thought you might wanna get washed, that's all."

"Well i don't."

"Okay." He nods, offering her a smile. With that, her shoulders seem to relax and she goes about finishing her meal. Negan wonders what colour her hair is, what with it being as filthy as her skin. He guesses she's brunette, or maybe a dirty blonde.

Eve looks at him in confusion through a mouthful of food. He has a strange expression on his face, as if he's contemplating something which makes him happy. "What are you doing?"

Negan comes to, being lost in thought. "Nothing, i'm just sitting here."

"You were thinking. What were you thinking about?"

Negan opens his mouth, closing it quickly. He'd tried his best to be honest with her since she'd got here, but he could hardly tell her he'd been imagining giving her a bath, she'd hop straight under the bed and be there till Christmas. "I was wondering what colour your hair is," he says.

"Oh," she says, turning her attention back to what's left of her meal.

Negan turns his head at the sound of footsteps, and Eve bolts towards the cot, though not going underneath. Rick stands near the door, his mouth agape as he looks down at the pair of them.

"Hey," he says with a smile, his eyes flitting from Negan to Eve. Rick takes a step towards the cell, and Eve moves to go under the cot before Negan shuffles closer to her, blocking Rick's way.

"Don't," Negan says, shaking his head.

Rick drops his head, disappointment washing over him at the fact that she seems to have some kind of bond with Negan, that she trusts Negan over him. "Sorry," he says, taking a step back. "I just came to see if you wanted anything," Rick says to her.

"She doesn't. I already asked her," Negan says.

"I could get you some water, so you can wash-"

"Rick," Negan interrupts him. "She'll let us know when she wants something."

"Okay." Rick nods. "Well i'll get going. Be sure to let Negan know if you change your mind," he says before leaving the pair of them.

Eve watches him leave. Once she's sure he's gone, she crawls back to her tray.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Michonne frowns as Rick sits down on the sofa. "Is it Eve? She not getting any better?"

"No. Actually, i went to see her today and she was sat in her cell with Negan."

"Really? Well that's a good thing, right?"

"I guess," Rick says. "It's just.. it's Negan. I'm not sure he's the best person to be helping her."

Michonne nods. "I see your point. But if he _is_ helping, then that's a good thing."

"You should've seen the way she cowered from me when i showed my face. It's like she's a completely different person."

"You want me to go see her?" Michonne asks.

Rick shakes his head. "I don't wanna push her too much. I just.. of all the people to put her trust in, and she puts her trust in him."

"We don't know what she's been through. But whatever it is, it's some pretty dark stuff. Negan's.." Michonne struggles to find the right word. "Well, he's been to some dark places."

"Yeah, of his own making."

"Well he's making progress with her, and that's all that matters," Michonne says.

* * *

Negan sits outside Eve's cell as she sleeps beneath the cot. She groans in her sleep, her body twitching as she mutters incoherently. He wonders what she's dreaming about, but judging from the way she claws at the floor, he doesn't want to know. Eve let's out a pained cry, Negan's stomach rolling at the sound of it. He wants to go in there and hold her, tell her everything is okay and that she needn't be scared while he's around, that he can keep her safe.

Three days had passed since Rick had been to visit her, and Negan can't deny it had made him feel quite smug that she'd allowed him in her cell over Rick.

He turns his head at the sound of footsteps, thinking for a moment that it's Rick, but the footsteps are too steady to be his.

"Hey, doc," Negan whispers.

"She sleeping?"

"Yeah. Not peacefully though," Negan says.

"I don't suppose she would. Rick says you've made some progress with her."

"She lets me sit with her whilst she's eating."

"She's become quite attached to you from the sounds of it," Carson says.

Negan shrugs. "Maybe?"

"What time does she have dinner?" Carson asks.

"About a couple hours."

Carson nods. "I'll come by not long after, see what she does."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Negan says.

"I wanna see how much she trusts you. If she starts freaking out, i'll leave."

* * *

Negan sits with Eve, glancing at the cell door every minute or so. Eve was barely a foot away from him, seeming to advance closer to Negan with every day that passed. He lets out a deep breath, hoping Carson doesn't fuck up the progress he's made with her.

At the sound of footsteps, Eve drops her spoon, her eyes wide. She stretches her arm towards the cot, as if she's unsure whether she should move or not. The doctor stands in the doorway of her cell, looking down at her with a sympathetic smile. Eve does something that surprises them both. Instead of shuffling under the cot, she shuffles towards Negan, placing a hand on his shoulder as she crouches behind him.

"It's okay," Negan assures her. "You remember what i said. I won't let anybody hurt you. This is Dr. Carson. You remember him?" Eve nods her head, peeking over Negan's shoulder.

Carson watches her cling to Negan's shoulder, deeply amused that she's chosen him out of everyone to put her trust in. "I just wanted to check in on you, see how you're doing. Is that okay?"

Eve glances at the back of Negan's head, as if asking him for confirmation whether it's okay or not. "Negan?"

He looks over his shoulder at her, nodding his head. "He's alright. He won't hurt you. His bedside manner could do with some fucking work, but otherwise he's alright." Negan smiles.

Eve peers from round Negan's arm, keeping a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Could i ask you a few questions?" Carson asks. Eve nods. "Okay. Do you remember where you where when you last saw Rick?"

Eve looks off into the distance, seeming a million miles away. "A prison."

"Okay, that's good. Do you remember how you came to be separated?"

"A bad man came.. he killed the guy with the beard.. Hershel."

"Was Hershel your friend?" Carson asks.

Eve nods. "He was a doctor.. like you. He was kind, are you kind?"

"I like to think so." Carson nods. "Do you think Negan is kind?"

"He's kind to _me_ , he doesn't let them hurt me."

"Them?" Carson frowns.

"The people keeping me here."

"You said he's kind to you, but do you thinks he's kind in general? Like Hershel was?"

"No, but he wants to be," she answers.

Carson nods. "Thank you, Eve. I'm going to leave now. Before i go, can i help you with anything? Are you hurting anywhere?"

She shakes her head.

"Alright. Is it okay if i come back tomorrow? As long as Negan's here?"

"Okay," Eve says.

* * *

Negan shuffles his boots off near the front door before making his way up the stairs. Rick had given him the house across from his, Negan figured so he could keep an eye on him. He didn't really give two shits, it was a damn fine house and he was grateful for it.

He stands in front of the bathroom mirror, taking off his white t-shirt. Negan looks down at his t-shirt with a smile. Eve had left a mucky handprint on the shoulder, and it warms his heart a little. It felt good to have someone depend on him a little, kind of like how it felt back when he lead the Saviors. He wouldn't go back to that though. Negan had no desire to lead again, but that didn't mean he couldn't appreciate feeling needed. He wonders for the first time if he's helping her, or if she's helping him.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Where the fuck is she?!"_

 _"How the fuck should i know?"_

 _Eve lies beneath the bed as the voices come closer, her entire body shaking as tears fall down her cheeks. She places a hand over her mouth, trying to quieten her breathing._

 _She screams as his face comes level with hers._

 _"Well would you look at that, this ain't hide an seek, honey," he says with a chuckle._

 _Eve claws at the dust filled carpet as hands grip her feet, dragging her out from beneath the bed. She kicks out, his knuckles cracking as she connects with his hand._

 _"Fuck! You stupid, bitch!" He screams._

 _She crawls back under, but then the both of them grab her feet, and she isn't strong enough.._

* * *

Eve wakes in a cold sweat, her breath heavy as she stares up at the mattress.

"Eve."

She whips her head round, her eyes wide at the shadow crouching next to her.

"Hey, it's okay," Negan says softly as he holds up his hands. He shuffles back on his knees, giving her some space. "I'm sorry, i didn't mean to scare you. It's just.. you were screaming out in your sleep."

Eve looks out at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. For a moment, she'd thought it was them, that they'd come back for her. As her eyes adjust to the lamp shining in from the corridor, she breathes a sigh of relief as she realises it _is_ Negan.

"Are you okay?" Negan asks, his brows furrowed.

Eve shakes her head, slowly crawling out from the cot. She scrambles towards him, her hands gripping his shoulders tight as she falls against his chest, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay, i got you," Negan says soothingly as he wraps an arm round her, stroking her hair. _Christ i really need to get her to shower_ , he thinks, instantly feeling like an asshole for that being his first thought. After his finger gets caught in a knot, he settles for resting his hand against the back of her head. "No one's gonna hurt you. It was just a bad dream. Even a tough, old fucker like me gets bad dreams on occasion."

"What do you dream about?" She whispers against his chest.

"Things i've done, people i've lost," Negan says, a far off look in his eyes.

"I don't wanna go back to sleep."

"I know, but you need to. It's fucking late, and you've gotta keep your strength up," Negan says.

"Will you stay?" She asks.

Negan looks down at her in surprise. "Course i fucking will. I mean, i was about to get my head down anyway, but i can sleep here," he says, though the thought of sleeping in a cell doesn't appeal to him much, having spent years in this very one.

"You sleep there," she says, placing her hand on top of the cot before she crawls beneath.

He nods, making his way towards the door to lock it. He throws the keys out into the corridor, not wanting Rick to chew his ear off at how irresponsible it was to sleep whilst the keys are within her reach. Negan walks over to the cot, laying down upon it. He listens to her breathing, each breath becoming slower than the last till she falls asleep. God he hates this cell. But if it helps her then that's all that matters. Negan turns on his side, sleep taking him quicker than he thought it would.

* * *

"When you left, were you alone?" Carson asks.

Eve crouches behind Negan, her hand on his shoulder. Negan feels her squeeze him tightly, her breath hot against his shoulder blade. She shakes her head.

"You were with someone?" Carson raises an eyebrow. "Who were you with?"

"Josh," she says, a far off look in her eyes.

"Do you remember what happened to him?" Carson presses her.

"He.. he left me," she says, shaking her head as tears spill down her cheeks, making marks in her dirt stained face.

"I think that's enough for now," Negan says.

Carson nods. "Would you like a shower?"

Eve shakes her head, her eyes wide as she grips Negan's shoulder.

"Eve," Negan turns to her, his voice soft. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Do you believe me when i say that?" She looks at him cautiously and nods her head. "Okay. Then listen to me, sweetheart. You really need a fucking shower, and a change of clothes. There's one right up those stairs. I'll be right outside the door, no fucker will be getting in on my watch. You think you can do that?"

"You.. you won't leave me will you?" She asks.

"Why the fuck would i do that?" He smiles.

"Josh did. He.." her lip begins to tremble. "He said he'd keep me safe.. but he didn't. You might let them.." she drops her head. "If you leave, they'll hurt me."

Negan's eyes widen. He places his fingers beneath her chin, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Hey, sweetheart. I'm not Josh. I would _never_ fucking leave you. And i sure as shit won't let anybody hurt you, okay?"

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry.. i can't."

Negan wipes a tear from her cheek, dirt coating his thumb. "It's okay. If you're not ready, then that's fine. I told you, nobody is gonna make you do _anything_ you don't want to," he assures her.

"Are you annoyed with me?" She asks, looking at him as if he were going to scold her.

"Fuck no. It's okay," Negan says, pulling her into his chest. "You think you could bring her something to eat, Doc? I don't wanna leave her alone when she's upset."

"Of course," Carson nods, rising to his feet before he heads out the cell door.

Negan looks down at the top of her head. "This Josh guy. Did he hurt you?"

"No," she mumbles against his chest.

"When you say he left you, do you mean he died?"

Eve shakes her head. "No, he left me."

Negan wonders why someone would do such a thing. Surely no one could be that much of a burden that someone would leave them, especially a woman. "Do you know why he left you?"

Her arms tighten around his waist. "I don't wanna talk about it any more.. i'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Negan says soothingly.

* * *

"Who the fuck is Josh?" Negan asks with a frown.

Rick stares at him as he sits on his porch. "Well hey there, Negan. Polite as always."

"I'm not fucking playing, Rick. Eve just opened up to Carson. Said she was with some guy named Josh when she left the prison. Fucker just abandoned her."

"Really? She said that?" Rick asks.

"No, i just made that shit up," Negan sneers. "Of course she fucking said it."

"Alright, well just give me a damn minute. There were a lot of people back at the prison, and i didn't exactly take the time to get to know everyone," Rick says as he rubs at his temples. "He might've been one that we took in from Woodbury. You sure he abandoned her?"

"That's what she said."

"Maybe it wasn't as simple as that. You know what it's like out there. Maybe they came across a herd and got separated? Maybe he thought she was dead?"

"That's a whole lotta fucking maybes." Negan frowns.

"Does it matter? It's done now. Nothing we can do about it. We just need to focus on getting her better.. or you do anyway, since she won't talk to anyone else."

"You sound jealous." Negan smirks.

Rick tilts his head. "Jealous no, concerned.. maybe. Her judgement skills must be massively skewed if she's putting her trust in you."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Negan. Yeah, you've pitched in around here. And though people don't like you much, you're actually important to this community in that you never fail to deliver what we ask of you. But everything you do.. there's a reason for it, and it's almost always selfish."

"The fuck it is!"

"So you're telling me your helping her out has nothing to do with wanting to get into her panties?"

Negan runs a hand over his beard. "Alright, maybe at first it did, i mean, as you just fucking said, no fucker here likes me, so it's not like i stand a fucking chance of getting laid with my rep being not so great. But.. it's different now. I just.. i wanna fucking help her."

"And if you get laid in the process then that's a bonus?"

"Well i'm not gonna say no, i'm a fucking guy, and she's cute in a dirty, wild animal kinda way. She's endearing," Negan says with a smile.

"Just.. don't fuck her around. She's got issues.. obviously. The last thing she needs is you promising her the world and then giving her the brush off once you've got what you want."

"This is bullshit. I came out here to give _you_ what for. Not to get a damn lecture off you."

"Yeah, it's funny how that worked out." Rick smiles.

"What the fuck ever. Listen, prick. Whether not so little Negan gets some action or not, i'm gonna look out for her, because that's what i fucking do. Sneer all you want, fuck face, you'll see. There's a reason she put her trust in me, because i'm trust-fucking-worthy. You don't think i lead over a hundred people back in the day because i let people down."

"No, you just stole what other people had," Rick says with a smirk. "Looking after someone like her is a lot different than leading people. What she needs is sensitivity, patience, and empathy, all of which you're lacking."

"Well that's fucking funny, considering i'm managing to do exactly fucking that. You're just pissed that she sees those things in me."

Rick lets out a deep breath. "You know what? I'm not gonna argue with you. Just remember what i said. Try not to mess her around. She's been through a lot, and she deserves better than that."

* * *

Eve lies on her stomach beneath the cot, waiting for the sound of Negan's boots stepping down the stairs. She'd tried not to become attached to him, but in a world full of liars, it was hard to ignore someone who at the very least was honest, or at least he seemed to be.

Eve wonders how long it'll take before he tires of her. She doesn't want that, she needs him to protect her. He's a big guy, and though the others dislike him, some of them seem to fear him a little. Big, bad guy or not, Eve can also see the hurt in Negan's eyes when the others show their dislike for him. She wants to make him smile, so he won't grow tired of her, and maybe his smile will reach his eyes for a change.

She crawls out as she hears him come down the stairs, sitting in front of her cot.

"Hey." Negan smiles, unlocking the cell door before he makes his way over with the tray. His brow furrows and he tilts his head as her mouth creeps up into what looks like a poor excuse for a smile. "You okay?" He asks, setting the tray down. It's quite unsettling and almost creepy, and he wonders why she's doing such a thing when quite clearly she doesn't want to. Negan sits down in front of her. "Why are you doing that?"

Eve looks away from him. "I don't know. I thought that's what you wanted me to do."

"Why the fuck would i want you to plaster a fake smile on?"

Eve shrugs. "You do it all the time."

"I.. i don't do that."

"Then why are your eyes sad when you do it?"

Negan stares at her, not sure how to answer. "I'm.. i'm not sad, okay? I've fuck all to be sad about."

"That's the first time you've lied to me since i got here," she says.

Negan lets out a deep breath. "Alright, so maybe i _do_ have some shit to be sad about. But, that's just life, sweetheart. And.. i'd rather not talk about it, if that's okay?"

Eve nods, and she curses herself for making him feel bad, the exact opposite of what she wanted. As she goes about eating her food, she wonders what she can do to cheer him up. She wonders if getting a shower might cheer him up, since he never shuts up about it.

She wipes at her mouth, a redundant task as she just spreads more muck around. "Could.. could i get a shower?" Eve almost whispers. Negan looks at her in surprise, his lips curling up into a smile. She likes when he smiles like that, his eyes sparkle, and the dimples in his cheeks almost make him look angelic.

"Sure. I'll take you straight after you've finished your food. Just give me a few minutes, i'll get you some clean clothes," Negan says with a smile as he heads out of the cell door.


	5. Chapter 5

Eve stands underneath the shower, her feet almost ankle deep in what looks like swamp water.

Her filthy appearance had been much more than her not caring about herself anymore, more than living out in the wild. It had been for protection. Out there it worked like a shield. Men were more likely to look at you as something they feared than something they wanted. Out there it was all about what they could take from you, and she wouldn't allow herself to be taken. The less she'd cared for her appearance, the less trouble she'd had. So as she watches the dirt slowly rinse off her skin, tears fill her eyes, the warm water washing them away.

Negan had stood outside the bathroom, but even though she trusted _him_ , she didn't trust _them_ , so she'd asked him if he'd come inside. He'd cleared his throat, assuring her that he certainly would. So there he stood facing the door. She'd glanced over at him multiple times as she showered, because though her mind was not quite sound, Eve wasn't stupid. He was a guy, and he obviously liked her, though she couldn't for the life of her begin to imagine why. However, he'd been the perfect gentleman, his gaze not moving even the slightest from the door.

Negan stares at the door, using every ounce of strength he has not to turn and look. As soon as he'd heard the water hitting her skin he'd got an erection, and he'd spent the last twenty minutes thinking up the most mundane shit trying to get rid of it. He'd thought of Rick, but for some reason unknown to him his dick had begun to twitch, his eyes widening as his body betrayed him. He'd spent a few minutes thinking of nothing, but then the sound of the water trickling down her skin had made him harder, so hard his dick rubbed uncomfortably against his pants. Then he'd thought of Eugene, and that had done the trick, his dick wilting like a dead flower. Negan figures he'll use that trick if he ever does get laid again, what with him going without for a good few years, it'd stop him busting a nut after three pumps.

Eve looks down at the shower tray, the water at her feet finally clear. She shuts off the water, bemused by the paleness of her own skin. Grabbing a handful of her hair, she rolls it around her fingers, marvelling at how much lighter it is.

"You okay?" Negan asks, what with the water shutting off and yet no sound of her stepping out.

"Yeah," she says, wiping at her eyes. Eve steps out, grabbing a towel off the rail and wrapping it around herself.

"Would you like me to leave while you get dressed?"

"No!" She says, her eyes widening. "Please don't."

"Okay. I'm not going anywhere," he says, playing with his hands as he bites the inside of his cheek.

Eve dries herself off, making her way over to the mirror by the sink. She holds on to the top of her towel, staring at the unfamiliar face in the mirror. Lifting her hand to one cheek, she flinches from her own touch. She feels naked and exposed, and not through a lack of clothing. "I don't like it," she whispers.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Negan asks, trying not to turn his head. Eve drops to her knees, and Negan hears her hit the floor with a slap. "Eve?"

"I don't like it," she sobs, holding her head in her hands.

Negan clears his throat and turns to her, his eyes widening briefly at the difference one shower had made. "Hey," he says softly, kneeling down next to her. "What's wrong?" Negan rests a hand against her shoulder. She flinches as if his hand had scalded her, and he quickly lifts it.

"I don't like it," she cries into her hands. "It's better when people can't see me."

"Why would you think that, sweetheart?" Negan frowns.

"Because if they can't see me, they can't hurt me," Eve sobs.

"Eve." Negan tucks his fingers under her chin, coaxing her face from her hands. She slowly lifts her head, looking him in the eye. _Oh, sweet Jesus!_ Negan forgets to breathe, his eyes lost in hers. She's breathtaking, painfully so. His heart aches that someone could bear to abandon her, to leave something so beautiful in a world as cruel as this, that someone could _hurt_ her. _Holy fuck, pull yourself together!_ And yet he can't. He can't even form words. Eve closes her eyes, blinking away tears, and that's enough to bring him back. "Eve," he says again. "No one, is going to hurt you. The people here, they're good people. Even if i wasn't here, you'd be safe. But, if you need me, then i'm not fucking going anywhere, okay?"

She nods, dropping her head against his shoulder.

* * *

Negan sits with Eve as she eats her supper, dressed in the faded blue summer dress they'd given her to wear. Her hair hangs in front of her face, a light brown colour, not far off what he'd imagined. Thin scars cover the bottom half of her legs, much like scratch marks. He guesses they're most likely from thorns, what with her being out there, and also what with her not taking care of herself.

"I was thinking you might wanna get some air, maybe stretch your legs," Negan says.

Eve looks up, her eyes wide. "I don't wanna go out there," she says through a mouthful of food.

"I didn't mean _out out_ , just within the grounds."

She shakes her head. "No. I don't want to."

"Aren't you tired of seeing these same four fucking walls? I'd be bored as shit."

"I've got you to keep me company," she says, looking down at her plate. "It's safe here."

"If you're with me, then you're fucking safe." Negan smiles. "It's okay if you don't want to though."

"Well i don't want to."

"Carson said he might come by, is that alright?"

Eve nods. "Yeah, he's okay."

"Eve. Why won't you talk to Rick?"

She drops her fork on the plate, pushing the tray away. "I'm full."

Negan raises an eyebrow, entertaining the notion that Rick might have hurt her in some way, but it's as fleeting as his moods back in the day. "I know Rick. He's a good guy."

"Lots of people are good, till they're not. I just.. i don't wanna talk to him. He reminds me of before."

"Before? You mean like before the dead took over?" Negan asks.

"No. Before.." Eve shakes her head. "Just before."

"You know you can't stay in here forever. I mean, who the fuck would want to?" He chuckles.

"I'd want to." Her eyes widen for a moment. "Do you want me to leave? Are you tired of me?"

"Fuck no. I just don't think this cell is the best place for you." Negan shakes his head. "You don't need to be locked up any more."

She plays nervously with her hands. "But where would i go? I like being here. When you lock me in, you lock the others out. I like when it's just us."

Negan tilts his head, letting out a deep breath. "Well. I suppose you could stay with me. If you wanted to of course."

"Really? You wouldn't mind?"

"Are you kidding? It'd be fucking awesome to have some company other than my own."

She offers him a weak smile, the first genuine smile he's seen since she got there, but then it falters. "I don't know. What if you have to go? Like when that guy was sick? I'd be alone, and you couldn't lock me in to keep the others away."

Negan sighs, running a hand over his beard. "You don't need to be locked up. If anyone tried to fucking hurt you, they wouldn't live long enough to regret it, trust me, sweetheart. Tell me you'll at least think about it."

She nods. "I will."

* * *

 _Eve lies on the floor of a dust filled apartment, blood soaking her clothes. It hurts, god it hurts. She glances over at the blood soaked sheet to her left, tears spilling down her cheeks. She's alone, and she's been that way for months, not a single soul to care about her._

 _Eve grits her teeth as she holds onto her stomach, trying to bite back the pain ripping through her._

 _"Help me," she whispers to no one. "Please."_

 _This can't happen again. Eve promises herself that if she gets through this, no one will ever hurt her like this again. She won't allow it, she'll die first. Her eyes widen as the blood soaked sheet begins to move._

 _"No, oh, God no.. please. No!"_

* * *

Eve wakes in a puddle of sweat, her cheeks damp from crying. She glances over at the cell door in search of Negan, but of course he isn't there. Crawling out from under the cot, it occurs to her that if she lived with Negan, then he'd be there if she needed him, and right now she certainly did.

She makes her way over to the bucket in the corner, relieving herself before walking over to the one window in her cell. It's too high for her to see out of, but she can imagine what's out there. Negan's out there though, and right now she needs him, whether he'd be irritated by her presence or not.

She hopes he hasn't changed his mind. That he hasn't suddenly had the sense to realise she'd be a nightmare to live with. At moments like this, she can see herself for what she is, can see that she's irrational and broken. Eve wishes her mind was like this all the time. She can even think logically about Rick. Eve remembers him, how he was at the prison. He had his own demons at the time, but he _was_ a good man. She knows her reasons for not trusting him lay with Josh and what he did, tarring almost every man with the same brush, especially those she knew. But her mind turns as if on a wheel, and rationality goes out of the window.

Eve crawls back under the cot, promising herself that she'll accept Negan's offer the next time she sees him.

* * *

"I think she's ready to come out of her cell," Negan says.

Rick rubs at his temples. "Are you sure about that? Can you ensure the safety of our people? Because if Eve flipped out like she did when she got here, she could hurt someone."

"She hasn't behaved like that for a while now. Yeah, she's not in a great place, but being there isn't helping. Right now, she's scared more than anything, and i wanna show her that she doesn't have to be. I can't fucking do that from her cell."

Rick nods. "Where would we even put her?"

"With me."

Rick raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Don't look at me like that, Rick. You look me in the goddamn eye, and tell me that you think i'm gonna fucking hurt her. If that's what you think, then have the fucking balls to say it."

Rick sighs deeply. "You know i don't think that, Negan. If i thought that, then i'd put a stop to you visiting her. It's not about that. It's about whether you're up to it. Carson says she depends on you. Now, i'm pretty sure that feels nice, since no one here but myself can so much as crack a smile at you. But is that the _only_ reason you're doing it? Because if it is, then you shouldn't be."

"Of course it's fucking not. Sure, it's a big part of it. It fucking feels good, i'm not gonna lie. But.. i care about her. When i think about what might have happened to her out there, it makes me fucking angry, like i wanna bash some fucking domes in. But it mostly makes me wanna fucking protect her."

"Yeah, well try and stick with the latter, okay? Unless you wanna end up in that cell for the rest of your days," Rick says. "Look. If she agrees to it, then fine. She can stay with you. But, if anything goes wrong, she flips out and hurts someone, it's on you."

* * *

Negan makes his way down the stairs, Eve's tray in his hands. To his surprise, she's already awake and sat on her cot. "Hey." He smiles. "You sleep okay?"

Eve shakes her head. "I couldn't sleep."

"Bad dreams?"

"Yeah." He opens her cell, setting down the tray on her cot before parking his ass on the floor. "What you said last night. Did you mean it?"

Negan chews on his lip, trying to recall what she's talking about. "I said a lot of fucking things last night."

"About me living with you. Did you mean it?"

"Fuck yeah i did. Why? Have you thought about it?" Negan asks, trying not to get his hopes up too much.

"Yeah. I.. i had a bad dream last night, and you weren't there. But.. if i lived with you, then you would be, wouldn't you?"

Negan rises to his feet, sitting down beside her. "Sweetheart. I fucking promise you i will. I'm not saying i'm gonna be Mr fucking sensitivity, but i'll try my damn fucking hardest."

"Okay," she says, offering another weak yet genuine smile. "Then i will."

Negan grins from ear to ear. "Well that's just fucking awesome! We can go right after you've had your breakfast. Ill-"

"No!" Eve says, her eyes wide in horror. "Not now. Let's wait till it's dark. So people won't see."

He nods his head. "If that's what you want, then sure."

"It is. I don't want people looking at me. I don't like it," she says, looking down at her lap.

Negan wants to tell her they won't, but he knows that's a lie. Eve had become the topic of conversation amongst most of the residents of Alexandria, and even people who didn't like Negan that much had approached him to ask about her. "That's fucking settled then, we'll go at night." Negan smiles.


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you sure no one's up there?"

Negan stands at the bottom of the stairs with Eve as she hides behind him, her hand clinging to the top of his arm as she peeks round it.

"I told you, sweetheart. There's no fucker up there. I told Eugene to fuck off home," Negan assures her.

"But what about outside?"

"It's two in the goddamn morning. The only fuckers up are those on the wall, and we won't be seeing them."

He leads her up the stairs and out the door. Eve shivers as the cool night air hits her skin, her eyes flitting from left to right as she takes in her surroundings. It isn't what she thought it would be. When Negan had talked about houses, she hadn't really taken him seriously, imagining it more like a trailer park. But it's an actual town, big, white houses all around her.

"This way," Negan says, leading her forward.

They cut through back yards, making their way down the sides of the houses. Eve looks down at her bare feet, wet from the dew on the grass. Negan hadn't thought to bring her a pair of shoes, but she hadn't minded, and when he'd offered to go get her some, she'd politely declined, purely because she hadn't wanted him to leave.

"This is mine." Negan smiles, gesturing towards a house in front of them.

"You have this to yourself?"

"Yeah. I only got this because it's straight across from Rick's. Fucker likes to keep an eye on me. Come on," he says, making his way up the porch steps.

Eve stands in the hall, amused that places like this still exist. It looks so normal, compared to how things are outside the walls. Her eyes wince shut as Negan flicks on the lights, the front door creaking as he closes it behind them. Crossing her arms over her chest, she stands there feeling small and exposed, eager to find a small place in which she can hide.

"You okay?" Negan frowns. She shrugs her shoulders, staring down at her feet. "Can i get you anything?"

Eve shakes her head. "I'm tired."

"Course you are, you haven't fucking slept yet. Come on, i'll show you to your room," he says, walking up the stairs as she clings to his arm. "That's mine," Negan gestures to a room on the other side of the landing. He opens the door in front of them, stepping inside. "It's not much. If i'd had more time i would've made it fucking nicer."

There's a pale, cream carpet, the feel of it strange beneath her feet. There's also a dressing table, a set of drawers, and a single bed.

"I brought that over from Rick's," Negan says, gesturing towards the bed. "There was already one here, but i thought you might like this one better. Last one had a set of drawers underneath, thought you might appreciate one you could.. you know, go under. If that's your thing." Negan clears his throat. "Sorry. I'm not saying that's your fucking thing, i just-"

"It's perfect, thank you."

"You're very fucking welcome. Well, i'll leave you to get settled in, gonna get my fucking head down anyway." Negan steps towards the door. "Night."

* * *

She'd crawled under the bed straight after Negan had left, taking neither a blanket or a pillow. Eve tosses and turns, sweat dripping down her face as she calls out in her sleep, her fingers scratching at the carpet.

Eve wakes. She mustn't have slept long, the room still dark as her eyes slowly adjust.

"No."

She turns her head towards the door at the sound of Negan's voice. Eve begins to panic. _Someone's here. He's let someone in._

"I'm sorry.. don't."

Laying on her stomach, she furrows her brows. His is the only voice she can hear. Eve creeps out from under the bed, an old floorboard creaking as she makes her way to the door. She steps cautiously, heading for Negan's room, and at the sound of his muffled cries, she hurries, certain that they're hurting him.

She stands in the doorway with a frown. He's alone, and more than that, he's sleeping.

"Don't leave," Negan mumbles.

He's dreaming. Eve steps closer to his bed, watching him intently. It was strange to see such a big guy so vulnerable, and the pain etched upon his face told her he very much was. For the first time, she understands a little why Negan and the doctor continue to try and unravel what happened to her. Because as she watches Negan writhe on the bed, his jaw clenched as he mumbles incoherently, she wants to know what demons are haunting him. If she knows what they are, she can fight them for him and send them away.

Eve kneels down beside him, stroking his hand as it hangs over the edge of the bed. He calms a little, his breaths becoming less laboured as he falls silent.

* * *

Negan's eyes flicker open, relief washing over him as his dream begins to fade. He stares up at the ceiling, the sun still an hour from rising, shadows racing across the walls as the curtain blows in the wind. Turning on his side, he sticks an arm beneath his pillow, determined to get at least another hour or two. His brows furrow, Negan sitting up with one elbow on the bed. He'd thought his breath had been heavy, perhaps from the nightmare he'd woken from, but it isn't his. Heart pounding against his chest, he switches on his bedside lamp, eyes searching around the room. When he comes up empty, Negan raises an eyebrow, his lip curling up into a smirk as he leans down to look under the bed.

He laughs, more from relief than anything else, as he sees Eve sleeping on her stomach beneath his bed. Negan watches her a few moments, a content smile on his face, wondering at what point during the night she'd come in. He'd love nothing better than to take her out from under there and lay with her, hold her in his arms whilst they both slept. There didn't have to be anything else, not that he'd say no if it were on offer. But even just to hold her, just to have someone to sleep next to, that would be enough.

* * *

Eve had heard him get out of bed, but she hadn't said anything, not sure if he knew she was there. She'd watched his bare feet make their way around the room, and she'd hid her face in the crook of her arm as his boxers had dropped to the floor, her cheeks blushing. _What if he's mad?_ Eve had wondered. She hadn't asked if she could sleep under his bed, and he might not appreciate it if he found her there, so she'd kept quite until she'd heard his door close to.

The smell of food fills her nostrils, her stomach rumbling, and yet she doesn't move, too comfortable in her little space beneath his bed. She doesn't have to though. The door opens, and Negan places a tray down near her head.

"Hey," he says with a smile, crouching down till his face is level with hers. "Thought you might be hungry."

"I.. i'm sorry," she whispers.

Negan raises an eyebrow. "What the fuck for?"

"For coming here. I couldn't sleep."

"That's alright. Though i have to be fucking honest, you scared the shit outta me." Negan chuckles. "I thought there was a fucking serial killer in my room or some shit."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Sleep wherever the fuck you want. You erm.. you wanna eat this here? You could come sit at the table if you want?"

Eve shakes her head. "It's safe here."

"Alright. Just give me a minute and i'll go get mine. Fuck if i'm eating alone when i've got company."

They sit opposite one another down the side of the bed, wolfing down their breakfast.

Eve wipes at her mouth. "Where do you get this?"

"Get what? The food?" Eve nods her head in response. "We grow it.. well, some of it. The rest, we trade with other communities."

"Other communities?" Eve asks, the concept of there being more than one place like this seeming impossible to her.

"Yeah. There's three nearby, and we started trading with another much further out."

"What about the meat?"

"That's Daryl." A piece of half chewed meat falls from her mouth, her eyes wide. Negan stares at her, then lets out a chuckle as he realises how that must have sounded. "Shit. I didn't mean it was _actually_ Daryl. Daryl's a hunter," Negan says, slapping his thigh as his nose crinkles. "Shit." He smiles, wiping at his eyes. As he gets his laughter under control, his face drops a little. "Oh, shit. You didn't.. see anything like that out there did you?"

Eve shakes her head, going back to her food.

"Anyway. He's an asshole, but he's pretty fucking good at bringing home the bacon." Negan shrugs. "We grow stuff here. Not as much as Hilltop, but we get by. Got ourselves a little windmill for grain and shit. When i'm not out there, i normally look after our crops. You can spend all fucking day weeding those bastards, but i don't mind, gives me something to do."

"I used to grow stuff," she barely whispers.

"Really? You should come see it sometime." He smiles, until her eyes grow wide, clearly horrified at the very thought. "Whenever you're ready of course. Hey, i have my own vegetable patch in the garden. Maybe we could go out there later?"

Eve shakes her head. "Will you watch me while i get showered?"

Negan bites on his lip, thinking he'd love nothing better than to watch her shower. "Sure."

* * *

Eve had refused to come downstairs, opting to stay in her room after she'd showered. He wishes she'd come down, just sit with him for a little while, but he refuses to push her before she's ready, so he'd left her without saying another word about it.

As he pours coffee into a mug, he turns towards the hall, a knock at the door grabbing his attention. Negan glances up at the ceiling, the sound of hurried footsteps coming from above, and then the sound of shuffling, most likely Eve crawling under the bed. His shoulders sag as he lets out a deep breath, making his way to the door. "Hey, Doc. Come in."

"How is she?" Carson asks as he steps inside the hall.

"She's.. okay.. i guess."

"What is it?" Carson frowns.

"It's nothing. Just me being fucking impatient. I guess i had this fucked up idea that i'd be able to fucking fix her like that." Negan clicks his fingers. "That all i had to do was get her out of that cell, bring her here, and she'd be fucking fine."

"If only." Carson smiles.

Negan shoves his hands in his pockets, nodding his head. "I asked her if she wanted to go out in the garden, she couldn't have looked more horrified, which is understandable. But she won't even come downstairs."

"She needs time. Look, if this is too much for you, no one would think badly, they'd understand."

"Oh, fuck no." Negan shakes his head. "It's not that. It's just fucking me, getting way too ahead of myself, that's all."

"You think she'll see me?" Carson asks.

"Don't see why not, but i'll check first."

* * *

"So after the prison, and after Josh, were you with anyone else?" Carson asks. Eve shakes her head. "You never found a group?"

"I.. i saw people, but they didn't see me."

"Did you hide from them?"

"Yes."

"So all the time you were out there, you were on your own. That must've been hard, you must've got lonely." Eve shrugs her shoulders. "Can you remember what happened with Josh?"

Negan feels her tense against him, her fingers pressing into his arm. "Maybe we should leave it for now," Negan says.

Eve glances at Negan, thinking back to the previous night and how she'd wanted to help him. "We were on the road. Maybe a week, or two. We.. we came across two men. They.. had guns and.." tears spill down her cheeks. "He let them take me." Negan turns to her, his throat suddenly dry. "Josh said he'd keep me safe.. but he just let them take me." She rests her nose against Negan's arm, tears falling against his shirt. "I don't wanna talk anymore," Eve sobs.

Negan rests his hand against her head, stroking her hair. "It's okay. You don't have to."

* * *

She'd crawled back under the bed, Negan sitting with her till she cried herself to sleep, his fingers brushing her hand soothingly.

He sits with Carson on the sofa, rubbing at his temples.

"Well it makes sense now that she doesn't trust Rick. After what Josh did." Carson shakes his head. "If someone she knew could do that, it's no wonder she refuses to speak with Rick. Probably thinks he's gonna do the same."

"How the fuck could someone do that?!" Negan spits, trying his best to keep his voice down. "Just fucking hand her over like she's no more than a piece of fucking meat?!"

"I don't know. But i'll tell you something. She's been out there alone for years. Can you imagine? Going through whatever she went through, and then having no one. No human contact for years. You took notice of those scars on her legs?"

"Yeah, they look like scratches."

"They are, probably from thorns, but they haven't healed well. Looks like she's picked at them, a lot."

"Why? Why would she do that?" Negan frowns.

"Some kind of self harm is my guess. She was picking at one when she was telling us about Josh."

"Maybe we shouldn't ask her about what happened any more," Negan suggests.

"I disagree. She needs to get it out, otherwise she won't heal, she'll keep picking."

"I.. i'm not sure i wanna fucking know what happened."


	7. Chapter 7

Negan stands facing the bathroom door. Over the last week, he'd gotten into the routine of waking in the morning to find her beneath his bed. He'd contemplated asking her if she wanted to make that a more permanent fixture, but had decided against it, figuring if that's what she wanted then she'd say as much. Negan had also tried to assure her that there was no need for him to stand guard whilst she showered, what with there being a lock on the inside of the door, but she'd refused to shower otherwise.

So there he was, standing at the door once again, trying his best to think of Eugene.

"Negan," she calls, shutting off the shower.

"Yeah?"

"Could you grab that towel for me?" She asks, sticking her arm out of the cubicle.

Negan swallows thickly, his throat dry. "Sure." He nods, taking a few steps back, groping blindly for the towel rail. Negan slips, falling flat on his ass, his temple cracking against the sink on the way down. "Fuck!"

"Negan?" Eve peeks out of the shower, her eyes wide as she sees him lying on the ground, rubbing at his temple. She rushes out of the shower, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around herself. "Negan! Are you okay?" She frets, kneeling down beside him.

"Yeah," he frowns, seeming a little dazed. But as he pulls his hand from his temple, blood trickles down his fingers. "Oh."

"You're bleeding!" She almost sobs, her lip trembling as she leans over him.

"I'll be fine. Made of tough stuff me," Negan says with a chuckle, and yet he squints his eyes a little, wincing slightly.

"Let me see," she says, turning his face towards her. "That's not good." Eve frowns, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Negan stares at her in bemusement, taking his thumb and wiping at her cheek. "Hey, there's nothing to get upset about. I'm okay. I've been through much worse. This is nothing," he assures her.

Eve wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Let me clean it for you."

Negan shakes his head. "First aid kit's downstairs."

Eve grabs his arm, helping him up off the floor. "Let's go then."

* * *

As Eve reaches up for the first aid kit, Negan struggles to take his eyes off her as her towel rises a little, beads of water dripping lazily down the back of her thigh. She makes her way over, sitting down on the stool in front of him.

Eve takes out a bottle of disinfectant and a few cotton balls. Negan winces as she dabs gently at his temple, Eve flinching slightly. "Sorry," she whispers.

"It's alright. I just need to man the fuck up." Negan smiles. Eve glances warily towards the hall, her eyes continuously going from Negan to the front door. "It's locked, if that's what you're worried about."

She looks up at him, wiping gently at his temple. "I'm always worried. But right now, i only care about taking care of this."

Negan smiles, the smarting from the disinfectant taking a back seat. "I didn't think i'd get you down those stairs for nothing."

"Well.. you're hurt. I don't wanna see you hurt."

Negan chuckles. "If i'd known that's what it'd take, i would've taken a fall a week ago."

"I just.. i feel safer up there." She gestures towards the stairs.

"I know. And if you wanna go back up there, then that's fine. But you _are_ safe down here. And it'd be nice to have dinner at an actual table. I could make us something nice."

"Everything you make is nice."

"Well thanks. But you know what i mean."

Eve doesn't take her eyes from his temple, and Negan begins to wonder if she's chosen to ignore his offer. Then she nods, taking another piece of cotton and dousing it with disinfectant. "Okay," she says. Negan grins from ear to ear, then he chews on his lip, attempting to appear less eager. "This shouldn't need stitches. Looked worse than what it was."

"Great. Nice to know i'm not fucking disfigured. I'd hate to lose my handsome, good looks. It's all i have," Negan says with a smile.

"You have more than that," Eve barely whispers, and Negan's heart beats a little faster as she offers him a smile, her eyes sparkling a little as it warms her face.

* * *

Negan leans over the sink, half his face covered in shaving cream as he says goodbye to his beard. Though Eve had agreed to dinner, she'd shot straight back upstairs after she'd fixed him up, and she hadn't been down since.

Wiping at his smooth face with a towel, he looks in the mirror, checking the plaster on his temple. He grabs a dollop of gel, slicking his hair back before he slaps aftershave on his cheeks. "Fuck!" Negan winces, baring his teeth as it stings his freshly shaved skin.

He'd spent the last few hours trying to cook up something special, what with it being her first time at the table. His stomach rumbles as the smells from the kitchen fill his nostrils. Negan heads downstairs, setting the table before he makes his way back up, standing outside Eve's room nervously. He knocks lightly, taking a step back. "Eve. Dinner's ready." He hears the sound of her feet making their way towards the door. "Hey." He smiles.

Eve stares at him, appearing a little taken aback. "What did you do?"

Negan frowns, resting his hand against the door frame. "I don't.." As he runs a hand over his cheeks, he realises she's referring to his beard. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Do you not like it?" He asks, feeling slightly hurt by the look on her face.

"It's just.. it's different," Eve says, looking up at him cautiously as if he were a stranger. "Smile."

Negan stares at her confused. "What?"

"Smile," she repeats once again.

Negan looks down at her, his lips curling upwards in the most awkward fashion. But then Eve stands on her tiptoes, her hands going to his face. "There they are." She smiles, her thumbs resting against his dimples. Negan's face softens, his skin breaking out in gooseflesh as her fingers brush his jaw as she leans back on her heels.

* * *

Negan had set up her place in the seat opposite, but Eve had dragged the cutlery to the seat beside him.

"This is good," Eve says through a mouthful of food.

Negan smiles as he watches her wolf her food down. "There's dessert."

"Dessert?"

"Yeah. I made a pie," Negan says proudly. "Blueberry."

The front door opens, and Eve slips off her chair so quickly she bumps her head on the table before she crawls underneath. Negan glances from the door to the table with a frown. "Are you okay?"

Rick steps into the lounge, tilting his head with a frown as he sees Eve beneath the table. If it wasn't for the fact that she was clinging to Negan's leg, he'd assume he'd caught them at a bad time.

"Jesus, Rick. What did i tell you about knocking? You've scared the shit outta her."

Rick rubs at his temples. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you about the next run."

"What run?"

"The one that we're going on next," Rick says.

Negan shakes his head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

Negan stares at him, his brows furrowed. "Why the fuck did you think?" He says, gesturing to Eve.

Rick nods. "Alright. I guess i'll have to wait for Daryl to get back."

"Okay. Now can you fuck off? We were in the middle of dinner."

Rick goes to open his mouth then closes it again. "I'll seeya," he says before turning to leave.

Negan looks down at Eve as she rests her head against his thigh, her arms wrapped around his leg in an almost childlike way. He balances on the border between his heart melting, and his dick hardening. _Shit!_ Negan takes her arm, gesturing for her to come out from under the table. "He's gone, Eve. It's alright."

She gets out from beneath the table, sitting on her chair as she looks at him warily. "Are you going away?"

"What?" Negan shakes his head. "No. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

"But he said you were going out, on a run."

"And i told him i'm not. I won't go anywhere till you can handle being on your own."

Eve reaches across the table for his hand. "You promise?"

Negan smiles, stroking his thumb over her fingers. "I promise." He gets up from his seat, slapping the table. "How about i go get us some dessert," Negan says as he heads towards the kitchen.

As he places the pie on the table, Eve drops her head. "I know there's something wrong with me."

"I'm sorry?" Negan frowns, sitting down beside her.

"I can't help it." Eve shakes her head. "Sometimes, i can think clearly, can see things for how they are. But the rest of the time. I just.. i can't. My mind won't let me. It tells me that everyone's the same, that they're just out to hurt me."

"You don't think that way about me though. Why doesn't your mind tell you shit about me?"

"It does. It tells me that you're the odd one out," she says.

Negan flinches at her words, knowing full well it's the truth. No matter how hard he tries, he'll never fit in. The people of Alexandria will never accept him as one of their own. It didn't matter how many lives he saved, or how much stuff he brought back. He would always be the same Negan that killed their own, the same Negan that took their shit, he would always be an outsider.

His hand suddenly feels warm, and as he looks down he smiles as Eve rests her cheek against it.

"Don't be sad. I don't like it when you're sad," she says.

"I'll fucking try. These people here, they aren't bad. They have every reason to dislike me. I did some bad shit."

"We all do bad things. What did you do that was worse than any of them have ever done?"

"I.." Negan struggles to answer. "I crossed the line. People got hurt when i was in charge."

"Is that why you're not in charge anymore?"

"Yeah, it is. I was a shitty leader. I mean, yeah, i kept people alive. But it's not as simple as just keeping people alive. You want people to thrive, and people struggled to do that under my boot. Guess i got too fucking big for my own boots."

"What were your people like?" She asks, still resting her cheek against his hand as she looks off into the distance.

"Most of them were assholes. But that's why i had to have so many fucking rules."

"To keep them in line?" She asks.

"Yeah. Exactly fucking that, sweetheart. You have people like that, you've got to have rules, otherwise those fuckers will just run around doing whatever the fuck they want. And i wouldn't allow that shit."

Eve gets up from the table, making her way over to the sofa. "Will you sit with me?" He nods, sitting down beside her. Eve rests her head against his arm. "I wish everyone had rules like that," she says.

"You mean the people that hurt you?" Negan asks. Eve nods, clenching her jaw. "You said Josh handed you over to them."

"We came across them. They had guns and.." Eve shakes her head.

"Hey." Negan wraps an arm around her. "It's okay. You don't have to talk about it."

"No, i do," she says, clearing her throat. "We were out on the road," she starts.

* * *

They'd been out on the road for two weeks. They'd run out of food the day before, and had drunk their last drop of water two hours earlier.

"What are we gonna do, Josh?" Eve asked, wiping at her brow.

"I don't know," he said, his stomach rumbling angrily.

They'd cut through the woods, hoping to find a stream at the very least. But Josh had grabbed her arm at the sound of footsteps in the distance.

"You think it's walkers?" She asked, taking the knife from her belt.

"Maybe?"

"Well what do we have here?" A guy stepped out of the trees, another guy beside him. Judging by their clothes, they had somewhere nearby, and Eve found herself feeling hopeful.

"This is Josh," she said. "I'm Eve."

"Josh and Eve. My name's John, this here is David. The hell are you two doing out here?"

Josh remained unusually quiet, so Eve took the lead. "We had a place, but it got destroyed a couple weeks back."

"Well that's a damn shame," John said, and the way they both looked her up and down unnerved her.

"Do you guys have a place? You look like you do," Eve said.

"We do. But we're very select about who we let in," David said with a smile. "You two have anything on you?" They both shook their heads. "Really?"

"We have nothing," Eve assured him.

"Hmm, well i wouldn't say that," John sneered.

"I think we should be going," Eve said, grabbing Josh's arm.

"I don't fucking think so, honey," John said as he took out his gun and aimed it at her.

Josh held up his hands as the other guy aimed his gun in his direction. "Hey, we don't want any trouble."

"I'm sure you don't. So let me make this real easy for you. Give us the woman, and you can run your little ass off in that direction. Get to keep on breathing, son," John offered.

Eve stared at them, her brows furrowed. "Are you insane?"

"Hey, he wasn't asking you," David said with a smirk.

Eve turned to look at Josh, and her heart began to beat a little faster. "Josh?"

"I.." Josh hesitated as he glanced in her direction. "Okay."

"Josh?" Eve barely whispered, her throat dry.

"Good choice, son. Now go on, get the fuck outta here before i change my mind," John said.

"Josh!?" Eve panicked as she watched him leave. Before she had the chance to run after him, she'd felt a thud, and then black.

* * *

Tears run down Eve's cheeks as she sits with Negan, reliving what happened. "I woke up in a cabin. I was tied up, and they.. they hurt me, humiliated me, for weeks, maybe months, i'm not even sure," she sobs, resting her head against his chest as he strokes her hair.

"It's okay. They can't hurt you now. You're safe here, i promise."

"They.. they kept talking about how they were saviors. And that they were looking out for me, that they were saving me," Eve mumbles against his chest.

Negan's eyes widen, blood rushing through his body so fast he's sure he'll faint. "What? They said they were Saviors?" He asks, his throat dry and his cheeks suddenly hot. Eve nods. "What did you say their names were?"

"John and David. I killed John, before i escaped there, and you can bet i enjoyed it. I only wished i'd got the other."

The world suddenly becomes blurry, Negan's eyes filling with tears, a sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach. "It's okay," he says, knowing it's anything but.


	8. Chapter 8

Rick ties his robe around his waist, rubbing at his tired eyes as he heads towards the front door. He opens it, staring at the late visitor with a frown. "Negan? What the hell are you doing here? It's.." Rick squints his eyes as he glances at his watch. "Two in the morning," he continues, feeling irritated. But as he takes notice of Negan's face, he grows concerned. "Wait, are we under attack? Is it walkers?"

Negan shakes his head, his face a sickly grey. "I need to talk to someone."

"And it can't wait till morning?"

Negan barges through Rick's door before he has the chance to step aside. "No, it can't."

* * *

"Holy shit!" Rick says, his eyes wide as he offers Negan a glass of whiskey. Negan takes it, sitting with his head hung low. "Are you absolutely sure it was them?"

"Yeah. How many fucking men do you know that go round calling themselves Saviors? And.." Negan clenches his jaw before knocking back his drink, grimacing as it burns his throat. "I was right there. Right, fucking, there."

"What do you mean?"

"That cabin she was talking about. I knew about it. John and David went there every few days. I even went fucking out there! Thought they were taking shit from me. They fed me some bullshit story about how they were making moonshine, and.. i took them at their word. I didn't fucking go in. She was right fucking there! I could've saved her!" Negan drops his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he sobs quietly.

Rick watches him, his mouth agape as he sees what he's always thought of as the big, bad wolf, in a way that he's never seen him before. Not since he opened up to him about Lucille that is.

"I had rules, Rick. And now, i realise they didn't mean shit!" Negan spits as he bares his teeth. "Take someone's wife here, toast someone's face there. I thought it was working. And now.. _this,_ is the true reality of the price people paid under my leadership. My men were out there, _my_ men! They were hurting her, and i could've fucking stopped it," Negan croaks, his lip trembling.

Rick shakes his head. "It's not all on you."

"Isn't it? Look at what they fucking did to her. The way she is, it's because of me. I fucking knew something wasn't right about them, but i thought i could keep them in line." Negan shakes his head. "I didn't know shit! How.. how can i look her in the eye? Knowing that everything she's been through, is because of me. I've spent the last few weeks, watching her, getting her to trust me. And it's my fucking fault!"

"I don't know what to say, Negan." Rick shakes his head. "Maybe she'll understand."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Negan stares at him, his eyes red and wide. "I can't fucking tell her."

"Negan. You _have_ to tell her. She'll find out eventually anyway, we still work with the Saviors."

Negan shakes his head. "I can't."

"You _have_ to. This isn't me trying to come between you two. You _know_ you have to tell her. She _will_ find out," Rick points out.

"Why? Are you gonna tell her?"

"Jesus Christ no. But she's getting better with each day that passes. Sooner or later, she's gonna hear about the Saviors, and she's gonna put two and two together."

"How the fuck do i tell her? How can i sit there, and tell her that they were my men? I can't, Rick. I fucking can't," Negan says, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Look. Like i said. Maybe she'll understand?"

Negan stares at him with a frown. "Are you shitting me? Have you seen her? Those fucks ruined her, and i had a fucking hand in it, even i didn't fucking know about it." Negan rises to his feet, rubbing at his temples. "I.. she was right there," he barely whispers, tears falling down his cheeks once again. Negan turns to Rick. "If i'd just gone inside, if i hadn't been so quick to believe their bullshit, i could've put a stop to it. She trusts me, Rick. Each night, she comes into my room and crawls under my bed, because she fucking trusts me." Negan shakes his head. "I can't tell her, not yet."

* * *

Negan steps through his bedroom door, kneeling down by the bed with a smile as he finds Eve sleeping soundly. He brushes a piece of hair that hangs in front of her face as she lies on her stomach, Eve moaning lightly as she smiles. She brings up her arm, curling her fingers around his hand. Negan lays down next to her with a smile, watching her as she sleeps. It isn't long before sleep takes him, but it's a restless sleep.

* * *

Eve's eyes flicker open, a ray of light hitting the carpet at the side of the bed. She turns her head, surprised to see Negan lying beside her, his fingers resting in the palm of her hand. This is the first time she's awoke before he has, and he appears still deep in sleep, his eyes moving occasionally beneath his lids.

She shuffles towards the other side of the bed, creeping from beneath so as not to wake him. Glancing cautiously in the direction of the door, she wills herself to walk through it. _He's been so good to you. Surely you can make it downstairs alone, make him some breakfast. He'd like that._ Eve makes it out to the landing, her hand resting against the banister as she leans her head over. _He said it's safe_. She squints her eyes, trying to see if the bar is on the front door. To her relief, it is. Eve slowly makes her way down the stairs, jumping as the step creaks beneath her foot. _Come on, don't be such a baby! You're a goddamn grown woman!_

To her own surprise, she stands in the kitchen, still dark with the blinds pulled down. Eve figures she'll leave them that way, having no desire to look out of the window, but mostly so others can't look in. Though her heart pounds in her chest, convinced that the others might find a way in, she fights the urge to run back upstairs and opens the fridge, wanting more than anything to make Negan breakfast.

* * *

Negan groans, his neck stiff as he lifts his head up off the carpet. He glances beneath the bed with a frown. "Eve?" Negan whispers, his voice husky. Leaning up on his elbows as he quickly scans the room, his nostrils flare at the smell of food. "What the fuck?" He gets up, quickly throwing on a pair of jeans before heading towards the landing. Going straight to her room, he finds it empty, turning towards the landing once again.

Negan hears the clatter of cutlery coming from downstairs. He does a double take, sure his eyes must be deceiving him as he watches Eve walk from the kitchen into the lounge. "Eve?" He frowns, heading down the stairs.

She turns as he stands in the doorway, his mouth agape. Eve stands nervously in front of the dining table. "I was just gonna wake you."

"What did you.. how did you.."

"I made you breakfast."

"I can see that. I.. you came down here on your own?" Negan asks in disbelief.

Eve nods, smiling quite proudly. "I.. i wanted to do something nice. You've been so kind to me."

Negan tilts his head, his throat suddenly thick as he recalls what she'd told him the day before. "You.. you didn't have to do that."

Her face drops a little. "I'm sorry. Did you not want me to? Was you saving this breakfast stuff?"

"Fuck no. This place is yours as much as it's mine. I'm just surprised. It's a big step for you." Negan smiles.

"You _are_ hungry, aren't you?" She asks.

"Fucking starving," he says, rubbing at his stomach as he goes to open the curtains.

"No!" She shouts, her fists balled as she clenches her jaw. Negan watches as she takes a deep breath, dropping her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I just.. i don't want people looking in."

"Okay, that's okay," Negan assures her.

"I'll go get the plates," she says with a smile.

Negan sits beside her, pushing food around his plate. The more he'd thought about what she'd told him about the Saviors, the more he'd lost his appetite. He glances up at her every so often, his mouth filling with saliva so sickly he's sure he'll vomit.

"Do you not like it?" Eve asks, a look of disappointment on her face.

"No, it's great. I guess i'm just not that hungry."

"Oh. Would you like coffee? I could make some," she offers.

"How about _i_ make us some coffee? You've done enough, sweetheart. And i fell shitty for not finishing breakfast. It's the least i can do."

"Okay," eve says, dropping her head. She'd hoped to make him smile, but somehow he looks sadder than she's ever seen him. _What did i do?_ As she watches him leave the table, she contemplates asking him that very question, but she's sure she'll irritate him, so she remains quiet.

"How do you take it?" Negan asks.

Eve walks over to the kitchen, sitting at the counter. "Black."

"Sugar?"

She shakes her head. "No." He places her coffee down on the counter, sitting at the stool beside her. "Did i do something?" Eve blurts out, unable to help herself.

Negan raises an eyebrow. "Do something?"

"To upset you?"

"No. Why would you think that?" Negan frowns.

"You look sad."

Negan rests his hand against hers. "Hell no," he says, struggling to bite back tears. "I've just got some stuff on my mind, that's all."

"You wanna talk about it?"

He stares at her, wondering how the hell he's supposed to keep looking her in the face every day, knowing he had a hand in what happened to her. How he's supposed to watch as she sleeps under the bed, knowing he's partly to blame. "No. It's.. it's nothing," Negan says, offering her a smile.

* * *

Rick walks up the porch steps, reminding himself to knock first after what happened last time. He hears Negan's footsteps, and hurried footsteps going up the stairs.

"Hey, Rick," Negan says as he answers the door.

"Can i come in?"

"Well that depends."

"On what?" Rick asks.

"On what you wanna fucking talk about."

Rick stands with his hands on his hips, dipping his head briefly. "You haven't told her then?"

"Fuck no." Negan steps out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. "And keep your damn voice down."

"You know it's only a matter of time," Rick points out.

" _Yes_ , i know that. Just.. give it a fucking rest."

Rick nods. "How is she?"

"Better. She came downstairs and made me breakfast this morning."

"Wow! Well that's great!"

"No, it's fucking not. I feel like a real shit. She's there, pushing herself out of her comfort zone for _me._ Little does she know, it's my damn fault she's like that in the first place. And she knows something's wrong. Probably thinks it her fault, that she's done something. So that's another fucking side order of guilt for me to swallow."

"Negan. I'm the last person i thought would be saying this, but this isn't your fault. I know she's not gonna see it that way, but it isn't. Tell me something. If you'd found out what they were doing, what would you have done?"

"I would've killed them. Without a doubt. I just.." Negan rubs at his temples. "I wish i hadn't already killed David. That way, i could kill him nice and slow."

"Okay." Rick holds up a hand. "First of all, if David _were_ still alive, i could never allow that to happen."

Negan furrows his brows. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"We're a civilised community. We have to be. I'm not saying he would've gone unpunished, but there'd be no killing anyone under my watch."

"Rick. If he was here right in front of me, you wouldn't be able to stop it."

"And that worries me, Negan. You told me you were a changed man."

"Oh, that's bullshit. You're telling me that if this was someone you cared about, you wouldn't do the same?"

"I'd want to, of course i would. But that's not how we do things. It can't be."

Negan shrugs his shoulders. "Well it doesn't fucker matter. They're already dead, so this is kind of a pointless conversation."

"Just focus on helping her. That's all that matters, okay?"

Negan clenches his jaw, nodding briefly.


	9. Chapter 9

Eve sits on the edge of her bed, damp hair brushing against the small of her back as she air dries from her shower.

 _"If you want my lovin', if_ _you_ _really_ _do._ _Don't_ _be afraid, baby. Just ask me, ya know i'm gonna give it_ _to_ _you."_

Eve furrows her brows, walking over to the window and pulling back the curtain with one finger. She looks down at Negan in the garden, wiping at his brow with the back of his arm as he tends to a tomato plant.

"Come on you stubborn fucker," Negan grumbles as he tugs at a weed. "Get the fuck away from my baby. That's it," he smiles as it comes loose, tossing it into a bucket beside him. "Look at all these fucking assholes, all round you like flies on shit because you're ripe, baby."

Negan continues to hum quietly before breaking into song once again, his low, velvety voice reaching Eve's ears as she watches him with a smile. She closes the curtain and opens the closet, taking out the one item of clothing that hangs there, a faded, green summer dress, and throws it on, along with a very unflattering pair of panties that almost reach her belly button, not that Eve cares.

Eve makes her way over to the window again, the urge to go out to him strong. He seems happy out there, happier than he has been lately anyway. But fear holds her there, refusing to allow her something as simple as stepping out of the door.

 _"If you feel you wanna kiss me, go right ahead, i_ _don't_ _mind. All you gotta do is snap your fingers, and i'll come a runnin', i_ _ain't_ _lyin'."_

For a moment Eve feels something other than fear, something she hasn't felt in so long, that she's not quite sure what it is for a moment. Her eyes widen as she realises it's lust. She backs away from the window, sitting down on the bed as she picks at a scratch on her leg that had almost healed. A tear rolls down her cheek as her stomach rolls, her mind telling her it's dirty to feel as such, especially after everything she'd been through.

Eve hops off the bed and crawls beneath, cursing herself for allowing such thoughts to enter her head. _You_ _can't_ _think of things like that, what_ _would_ _people think?_ _They'd_ _think you were dirty, Negan would for sure,_ she tells herself. _Negan would never want you_ _anyway_ _,_ _you're_ _damaged._

She cries into the carpet, certain that he'll know what she was thinking and ask her to leave. Eve lies on her side, bringing her knees up to her chest and picking at her leg till it bleeds.

* * *

Negan takes off his gardening gloves and tosses them on the door step before heading inside.

"Eve," he calls up the stairs, surprised at not seeing her in the kitchen, as she had gotten in the habit of making him coffee after his gardening sessions. "Eve?"

Negan heads upstairs, knocking lightly on her bedroom door. The door creaks open, half closed to begin with. He steps inside, kneeling down at the side of the bed. "Eve." Negan frowns as she sniffles into the crook of her elbow. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asks softly.

She shakes her head, refusing to look him in the eye. _He'll be disgusted. He'll yell,_ _and_ _he'll want you to leave._

"Eve, what's wrong, sweetie? You know you can talk to me about anything."

"I don't want to," she weeps.

Negan stretches out his hand, his fingers lightly brushing Eve's hair from her face. "Well that's okay. But i wish there were something i could do, i feel kinda fucking useless here." He smiles half heartedly.

Eve looks up at him, her eyes red and puffy. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What the fuck are you sorry for?" He asks in disbelief.

"If i make things difficult for you. Your life would be a lot easier if i wasn't here."

"Hey, don't you _ever_ fucking think that, you hear me?" He says, his voice sterner than he would've liked. "I like you being here. Shit wouldn't be easier. I'd be lonely as fuck. I _was_ lonely as fuck, and now i'm not. So don't go thinking that, okay?" Eve nods. "Good. Now will you come outta there?" Negan offers his hand. She takes it, shuffling out from beneath the bed. As he holds the tips of her fingers in his hand, Negan glances down at her leg as a drop of blood rolls down it lazily. "What's that?"

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing. Have you been picking again?" Negan frowns. Eve shrugs her shoulders. "Eve, you can't keep doing that, you'll scar."

"So?"

"Come on, let's get that cleaned up," Negan says as he heads down the stairs.

* * *

Eve doesn't even flinch as Negan cleans the scratch with disinfectant. She watches him intently as she sits on the sofa, her leg hanging over his lap.

"You sing when you're gardening."

Negan looks up at her with a smile. "You heard that?"

"Yeah."

"Well you have my deepest fucking apologies, i can't sing for shit."

"I think you're really good," she whispers, her cheeks going red.

"Really?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. "Well i'm pretty fucking sure you're just being polite, sweetheart. But either way, the plants like it."

Eve frowns. "The plants?"

"Fuck yeah. Plants love when you sing to them, makes them grow better."

"Is that what you did before? Were you a farmer?"

Negan chuckles. "Fuck no. I was a high school coach. Helped little kids keep in shape, that kinda shit."

"Oh. How do you know so much about plants?"

Negan clears his throat before tossing the piece of cotton in the trash. "My wife," he says, resting his hand against her shin. "She was into all that shit, never shut the fuck up about it. I never really got what the big fucking fuss was, until now."

"You had a wife?"

"Yeah." He nods.

"What happened to her?" She watches him shift uncomfortably in his seat. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's fine. Her name was Lucille, and she was fucking awesome." Negan smiles. "She died before, or right when everything started, depending which way you look at it. It was cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. She deserved better than what life fucking gave her."

"Did she sing to her plants?" Eve asks.

Negan grins from ear to ear. "Yes. She most certainly fucking did, and she was a damn sight better than i was."

"Did you have children?"

"No. Never happened for us. How about you?"

Eve tenses up a little, taking her leg from his lap. "No," she replies.

"You hungry?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Yeah, but i'll make something," she insists, getting up from the sofa.

Negan watches her leave, mesmerised by her every step. He follows her like a loyal dog, sitting down on a stool beside the counter. "Maybe we could go out into the garden later?"

Eve shivers at the thought as she takes a box of eggs from the refrigerator. "No."

"How about if we go out after dark? There'll be no one out there," Negan suggests.

She turns to him, playing nervously with her hands. "I don't know. Do i have to?"

"No, i've already told you a million times, sweetheart. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But it'll be good for you. You've been cooped up in this house since you got here."

"I'll think about it," she says, grabbing a skillet from under the sink.

* * *

She stands by the open door, the night air cool against her skin. To Negan's surprise she takes his hand, and he leads her outside. He carries a lantern, holding it out as they make their way towards the end of the garden.

"See, it's not that hard." Negan smiles. Eve squeezes his hand tightly, hiding her head behind his arm at the sound of scratching. "It's just the dead."

"People will come."

"Yeah, but they'll be on the other side of the wall. They won't come here," Negan assures her as she clings to him. In all honesty, he's grateful for the walker outside, the feel of her breath even through his leather jacket sending shivers through his body. "There's not much to fucking see, not in the dark anyway."

"Then why are we here?"

"To get some fresh fucking air. Why don't you come park your ass," he gestures towards an iron bench at the end of the garden. "Sky's clear. We can just sit a little while."

"Okay. But if anyone comes-"

"Then i'm here. No fucker messes with me, sweetheart." Negan smiles.

They sit side by side, staring up at the stars.

"It's pretty." She smiles, and Negan's heart flutters as it lights up her face.

"Yeah, it's pretty fucking beautiful," he says, paying no attention to the night sky.

She rests her head against his shoulder, curling her arm around his. "I like this. It feels like we're the only two people in the world."

"Yeah, it does." He frowns as she shivers beside him. "Are you cold?" Eve shrugs. "Here," he says, taking off his jacket and draping it over her shoulders.

"Thank you."

"You're very fucking welcome."

Eve sits there a few moments, paying more attention to Negan than the sky. She leans forward, kissing his cheek chastely. As chaste as it is, butterflies fill Negan's stomach, his face suddenly growing hot and flushed.

"What was that for?" He barely whispers, his throat dry.

She shrugs her shoulders, but as she sees how red his face is, her smile falters. "I'm sorry, i shouldn't have done that." Eve gets to her feet and races down the garden and back inside.

"Eve? Eve," Negan calls after her, following her into the house. After finding the lounge and kitchen empty, he heads upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door. "Eve, can i come in?" She doesn't answer, so he opens the door, making his way over to the bed. "Eve, what are you doing under there?"

"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to."

"Didn't mean to what?"

Eve lifts her head, her cheeks redder than Negan's. "Kiss you. I know i shouldn't have."

Negan stares at her in bemusement. "Why would you say that?"

"Because.. i'm not supposed to." She drops her head back down, but tilts it to the side, still looking him in the eye. "I'm.. damaged goods. People like me aren't supposed to do stuff like that."

Negan gets a lump so thick in his throat, he's sure he'll choke. "What?" He barely croaks. Negan clears his throat. "Will you come out from under there please?" He holds out his hand. "I can't talk to you properly when you're under there." Eve takes his hand, sitting in front of him. Negan strokes her cheek with his thumb. "You're not.. damaged goods. What's happened to you has left a mark, but it'll fade with time. There's no such fucking thing as damaged goods. And you aren't supposed to do fuck fucking all. You do what the fuck you want. You could do a lot fucking better than the likes of me," Negan says, sighing deeply. A huge part of him wants to tell her to run a million miles from him, but his heart won't let him "However, if you ever wanna kiss me, don't go thinking you fucking shouldn't, or that you can't, just go right a-fucking-head." He smiles. "You wanna give me a peck on the cheek, or shove your tongue down my throat, i won't mind."

Eve smiles sweetly, her cheeks going red. "So you like me?"

"Of course i fucking like you." He smiles. "I like you a fucking lot. Now, i don't know about you, but i'm pretty fucking tired. You wanna go to bed?" Her eyes widen in horror, Eve shuffling her ass back towards the bed. "Oh shit, i didn't mean like that." Negan holds up his hands. "I just meant.. you know, top and bottom, like you normally do. I mean, you come into my room every night, thought i'd save you the trouble. You don't have to, i just thought it made sense."

"Okay." Eve nods. As he goes to stand up, she grabs his arm. "You won't hurt me will you?"

He kneels down in front of her. "Of course not, i'd never fucking hurt you."

"Promise?"

"I fucking promise."

* * *

He coughs into the back of his hand, his throat like sandpaper, and his frame almost emaciated. Stumbling through the woods, he wonders how much further he can go, running on empty the last twenty-four hours at least. His group of twelve had been over run two weeks before, and their once safe block of apartments had been torn to pieces by the dead. He'd made it out though, he always did. He was always the last man standing.

He'd sworn he'd heard voices not so long ago, but maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him? Dehydration could do that to you. That coupled with the fact that he appeared to have a vicious cold. _How_ _the fuck_ _do_ _colds still exist?_ He wonders. _There's_ _barely_ _anyone_ _around_ _to_ _spread that shit no more._

As he coughs into his hand, trying hard to smother the sound from any dead that may be roaming, he's just thankful his nose isn't caked in snot.

The woods come to an end as he stumbles onto a road. _The_ _hell is_ _that_ _?_ He squints his eyes at the mirage heading his way.

"Hey, stop right there."

He stands still, swaying a little on his feet. "The hell did you just say?"

A guy with long hair sits atop a horse, a man and a woman beside him. "I said stop right there," he says as he swings his leg over, jumping down. "You don't look familiar, where are you from?"

"Here.. there.. everywhere," he answers, laughing hysterically before he falls forward, the man catching him before he hits the ground.

"Christ!" The woman frowns, getting off her horse to help. "The hell's wrong with him?"

"I have no idea, he doesn't look too good though. We should take him back to Hilltop. Ed, help me get him on the back of the cart."

"You think it's a good idea, Jesus? I'm pretty familiar with all the communities, and i don't recognise him at all." Ed frowns.

"Doesn't look like he has any weapons except for the knife, and he's doesn't exactly look fit enough to take one of us on in a fight, never mind the community," Jesus points out.

Ed nods and helps him onto the back of the cart.

"Hey," Jesus says as the guy's eyes flicker open. "We're taking you back to our community, shouldn't be long."

"Community?"

"The Hilltop. We have a doctor there, they can help you. I'm Jesus, what's your name?"

"Josh," he whispers before his eyes become heavy.

Author's note 

My apologies for the delay. My laptop broke, and it's taken me till now to figure out how to post to different sites from my tablet. Full on technophobe here. Hopefully i'll be updating more often now.


	10. Chapter 10

Eve lies beneath the bed as Negan talks with Rick downstairs. She's not sure what they're talking about, but she'd swear she heard Negan yell at one point. The door slams shut, and she lets out a deep breath as boots slowly make their way up the stairs.

Negan rubs at his temples as he steps through the door of his bedroom. "You can come out now, sweetheart, he's gone."

Eve creeps out from under the bed, parking her ass on the mattress. "Why were you yelling?"

Negan sits beside her, dropping his head. "I have to go out."

"What?" She almost whimpers, her eyes wide.

"Daryl's still out hunting, and Rick can't go out because his fucking leg is playing up.. i guess i've gotta take a little responsibility for that."

"But.. you can't," Eve says, her lip trembling.

Negan places his fingers beneath her chin. "I won't be gone long. It's just a delivery that needs picking up from the Kingdom. I'll be gone half the day at the most."

"Can't _they_ bring it here?"

Negan shakes his head. "No, that isn't the arrangement."

Eve drops to his feet, her arms encircling his legs as she rests her head in his lap. "Please don't go."

"Sweetheart, i have to."

Eve shakes her head, his pants becoming damp from her tears. "You can't. They'll hurt me."

"No one's gonna hurt you, i promise."

Eve looks up at him, her eyes as wild as the day she met him. "You don't know that! You won't be here to stop them!" She gets up and kicks him in the shin.

"Ow! What the fuck?!"

Her face drops, heart pounding against her chest. She runs to her room, almost diving beneath the bed. Negan goes after her, rubbing at his shin.

"Eve, what are you doing? Eve?" Negan crouches on all fours, watching as her shoulders shake with each sob.

"I'm sorry," she cries into her arm, refusing to look at him.

"Eve, it's okay, it didn't hurt that fucking much anyway, i mean, you aren't even wearing any shoes. Probably hurt yourself more than you hurt me. Will you come out from under there?"

Eve shakes her head. "No. I'm not listening to you anymore. You're a liar."

"Since when have i ever lied to you?" His own question makes him feel like a piece of shit, considering the very big truth that he's keeping from her.

"You said you'd keep me safe, and now you're leaving!" Eve yells.

"Eve, if i didn't have to go, then i wouldn't. Trade is important between the communities. They have stuff that we need, and vice fucking versa. I swear to you, i'll be back not long after dark at the latest."

Eve lifts her head, her eyes red. She stretches out her hand, Negan placing his over hers. "Please, Negan. I don't want them to hurt me."

"Eve, they won't, i fucking promise you. But.. if you're scared, then i'll lock all the doors, we'll be the only ones with keys. No one can get in except us."

"What.. what if you don't come back?" Eve stutters, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Negan tilts his head, his heart sinking a little. To have someone care so much after being an outsider for so long, it felt strange, good strange, but strange all the same. "Come here." Eve crawls out from under the bed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she rests her head against his chest. Negan strokes her back soothingly, curling his hand through her hair. "It's gonna be okay. There's few people tougher than me. Take more than one of those undead fucks to take me down." She nuzzles his neck, he's sure not in a sexual way, but more for self comfort. And yet it sends shivers through his entire body, his skin breaking out in gooseflesh. Negan struggles to suppress a groan, swallowing thickly.

"Promise me you'll come back," Eve pleads with him, her breath hot against his neck.

"I fucking promise, sweetheart. I'll be back before you fucking know it."

"And no one can get in here?" She asks nervously, pulling away from him slightly as she gazes up at him.

Negan shakes his head. "No one can get in here, i fucking swear." Eve smiles, giggling lightly, and damn if it isn't the sweetest thing he's ever seen.

* * *

Negan had left over an hour ago, and Eve had remained under his bed ever since. She'd insisted he leave through the back door, convinced someone would steal his keys, so she'd locked up behind him. Her heart had sunk as she'd sat at the back door, listening to him walk away. She'd struggled with tears for a good half hour, much like a child being separated from it's parent, and putting aside her random moments of lust, they very much had that dynamic at times.

Eve crawls out from beneath the bed, grabbing a wrinkled t-shirt off the floor. She crumples it in her hands, pushing it against her nose as she breathes him in, the scent of spice and leather bringing her much needed comfort. Eve contemplates throwing it on, but she's unsure whether he'll like that or not, so she holds it in her hand, much like a comfort blanket.

She glances at the closet, thinking it might be a more comfortable option to await Negan's return than under the bed.

It's a sad looking closet, consisting of four t-shirts, two white and two grey, a shelf with three pairs of grey pants, a pair of black jeans, and a couple of sneaker boxes on the floor.

Eve kneels down in front of them, wondering if it's okay to look. Negan had said she could go anywhere she wanted, and that she was free to look around. The only place he'd forbidden her to look, was the top drawer of his bedside table, and he'd told her so with a red face.

Eve takes the lid off the box, eyeing it's contents. Most of it appears to be meaningless junk, to her at least. But she guesses each thing must mean something to him, why else would he keep it?

Her eyes catch what looks a journal. She takes it out, lifting it to her nose, the leather reminding her of Negan's jacket.

As she goes to open it, she stops. _Is this okay? It could have personal things, things he doesn't want you to know, private things._

Curiosity gets the better of her, and she figures it's probably just an old address book anyway.

 _'Lost twelve men today. When i find out who those fuckers are, they're gonna pay.'_

There's no date, but then why would there be? Eve had no clue what month it was. All she knew is it was warm, so maybe summer. She reads down the page. Little ramblings written here and there.

 _'How did i get here? Every fucker depending on an asshole like me? The world would be better off dead. Fuck, i miss Lucille.'_

 _'I had to do it again. Fuck, i hate doing that shit, but it has to be done. Gotta keep them in line.'_

 _'Found those fuckers! Holding up in some place called Alexandria or some shit. Those pricks are gonna wish they'd_ _never been fucking born.'_

 _'Well it's done. Took two of them out, and i took that red neck asshole to prove a point. He'll make a good soldier once Dwight's worn him down.'_

 _'I have myself a bullet maker, i do believe shit is looking up.'_

 _'Shit's getting ugly. Can't sleep, but that's_ _nothing new. Why does she keep coming to me? She's haunting my fucking dreams.'_

Eve closes the journal, knowing full well she shouldn't be reading it. It's lucky for Negan that she didn't keep on, as the next page would've outed him as leader of the Saviors.

She places the book back in the box, replacing the lid before she shoves it back where she got it from. Her stomach grumbles, Eve realising she hasn't eaten at all.

She creeps downstairs, making her way to the kitchen when she freezes, hearing footsteps in the garden. Eve jumps at a knock at the back door, looking very much like a deer caught in headlights. _Negan?_

"Hello.. Eve?"

It's a woman's voice, but Eve races to the foot of the stairs just the same, holding onto the banister as if for dear life. Yet she doesn't go any further up the stairs.

"It's Michonne, you probably don't remember me. I.. brought you a pie, figured you might be hungry."

She _is_ hungry, ravenous in fact. Eve is sure she can smell the pie, her mouth salivating.

"Well, i'll just leave it here for you. No one's here, it's just me. You can watch me leave through the front window if you're worried?"

Eve listens as Michonne walks away, then she rushes to the lounge window, peeking out through a gap in the curtain. Michonne glances her way as she crosses the street, Eve dropping down so quick she winces as her ass hits the floor.

Eve rushes over to the back door. She _can_ smell it, and it smells divine, a mixture of potatoes and whatever kind of meat they have here.

 _You could open the door, doesn't sound like there's anyone there._ But then the broken part of her chips in, telling her otherwise. _That's what they want you to think, anyway, it's_ _probably poisoned._ Eve curses herself for not thinking of that, of course they'd try to poison her, and without Negan there to keep her safe, she wouldn't stand a chance against them.

Suddenly she doesn't have much of an appetite at all, making her way back upstairs.

* * *

Negan rides along the road with two other Alexandrians, growing irritated with each passing mile. He'd hated to leave her, and it had weighed heavy on him the entire trip. Scenarios played over and over in his mind, and he worried that he'd get home to find her hurt, or maybe worse.

As they pull up to the gates of the Kingdom, Negan grows impatient as the guards take their time in opening up.

"Come the fuck on! We've got places to be!" He shouts from behind the gate.

"The hell's wrong with you?" Jim asks from beside him.

"I left Eve alone."

"Eve? That the girl they brought in a couple months ago? The wild one?"

"Yeah," Negan answers, waiting for some kind of smart remark.

"Shit, i feel you. My wife, i found her out on the road alone, of course, this was not long after everything started. She'd been.." Jim glances at him uncomfortably. "Well, let's just say she came across some not so friendly types."

"When you say wife, you mean she was your wife before? Did you two lose each other or some shit?" Negan asks.

Jim shakes his head. "Naw, we got married a year ago, Gabriel did the ceremony. But when i found her, she was broken, you know, didn't trust anyone. Took a good while till she realised she could trust me. We found a place with some other people, good people, but would she let me leave her side? Hell no. And to be honest, i didn't want to. She recovered well, doesn't mind me leaving her now, in fact, she probably appreciates the peace an quiet." He laughs. "But, even now, she wakes up in the night, and it breaks my damn heart. If i ever got a hold of those bastards, i'd tear them limb from limb."

"I think about that a lot," Negan says, clenching his jaw.

"It's a good thing you're doing for her, i seen her when she came in." Jim shakes his head. "It's gonna be a long road for you. If she gets better enough that she wants to talk to someone else, just give me a shout, my wife's name is Marie, awesome lady. She won't mind it at all."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." He nods. "Hey, open the hell up! We wanna get back before dark!" John yells. "We'll get this done real quick," he says to Negan.

* * *

Negan walks round the side of his house, eager to get inside. He stares down at the back porch with a frown, a pie resting in front of the door. Negan picks it up, touching it with the back of his hand. It's stone cold.

He knocks on the door. "Eve, you there, sweetheart?" Negan hears her running down the stairs, so fast he panics that she might fall.

"Negan?"

"Yeah, it's me." He smiles, holding the pie in one hand. The door opens, Eve jumping at him the second he steps through. "Woah, sweetheart. Don't wanna drop this bad boy."

Eve takes a step back, glancing at the pie. "A woman came, she left it." She shakes her head. "But i didn't know whether i should take it.. it might be poisoned," Eve whispers as if someone might be listening in.

Negan chuckles. "I doubt that very much. I told you, no one's gonna poison you." He hears her stomach grumbling angrily. "Jesus! Have you had anything to eat?" Eve shakes her head. "Shit, you must be fucking famished. Come on, i'll heat this up, and i'll take the first bite, put your mind at ease, okay?"

"Okay." She smiles. Eve grabs his arm. "Negan i.. i missed you."

"Well i missed you too, sweetheart." Eve stands up on her tiptoes, kissing his cheek. He looks down at her, his mouth hanging open a little as she heads towards the kitchen.

* * *

Negan stares up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head as he plays over in his mind what Jim said. _It's_ _gonna be a long fucking night._

"Negan."

He jumps a little, sure she was sleeping. "Yeah?"

"Can i come up there a minute and talk to you?"

"You can come up here whenever the fuck you want, sweetheart."

Eve crawls out from under the bed, sitting beside him. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I.. i was in the closet, and i found a box of stuff." Negan's heart begins to pound as he recalls what's in his box of stuff. "I.. i read your journal.. i'm sorry."

"You.." Negan's throat goes dry. "You read my journal?"

"Not all of it, just a couple of pages. I'm sorry, i felt really rubbish after, you've been so good to me, and i go reading your private things like that."

Negan runs a hand through her hair, feeling more than relieved that she obviously hadn't read anything about the Saviors. "That's okay. Don't feel bad about it. I mean, i'd rather you hadn't, but it's nothing to worry about." Negan smiles.

"Okay." Eve looks down at her hands, playing with them nervously. "Could i stay here a while?"

His breath hitches, Negan's mind somewhere between feeling proud that she felt comfortable enough to ask, and feeling horny as hell, dirty thoughts running amok. "Of course you can." Negan leans towards the end of the bed, handing her a thin sheet.

Eve takes it, laying on top of the comforter as Negan lays beneath. She lies on her back, stretching out her hand towards Negan's. He takes her hand, watching as her eyes grow heavy. When sleep takes him, and it takes him quick, it's a calm sleep, Lucille not visiting him once.


	11. Chapter 11

_Negan drags his lip down her neck, his teeth grazing_ _her collar bone as he runs a hand down her waist. She moans beneath him, running her hands through his hair._

 _"That's it, baby," Negan groans, his body slick with sweat as he rolls his hips against hers._

 _"Negan," she moans, her sky, blue eyes piercing into his. And as he gazes down at her, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple, he knows_ _he's done for. He's fallen so hard, he's not sure he could breathe without her, let alone be away from her again._

 _"Oh, Eve," he whimpers, his lips smacking_ _against hers as he makes love to her, their bodies entwined as they writhe against one another. God, he needs her, his hand splayed beneath the small of her back as he pushes her closer to him, grinding against_ _her needily._

 _She arches her back, Negan nipping at her throat as she exposes her neck to him, her thighs tightening against his waist._

 _"Eve," he groans, brushing his nose against hers._

* * *

Eve's eyes flicker open, morning light filling the room. She frowns as the bed rocks beneath her, and she turns her head towards Negan, her eyes wide.

His body is flush against hers, or as flush as it can get with a duvet in the way. It takes her a few seconds to realise what he's doing as she watches his hips move rhythmically against her ass.

Eve jumps out of bed, falling on the ground and knocking the lamp off the bedside table.

Negan wakes with a start, throwing back the covers. "Eve?"

Eve stares at his boxers before racing towards her room, and diving under the bed.

Negan furrows his brows, then he glances down at the tent in his boxers. "Shit!" He walks over to her room, adjusting his hard-on in the process. "Eve, are you okay? What's wrong?" He's met with silence. "Is it my.. you know, morning wood? Because there's not much i can do about that, sweetie, everyone gets wood in the morning."

"Go away."

Negan crouches down beside the bed. "Eve, i'm sorry. But like i said, there's not much i can do about it."

"You were rubbing yourself on me," she mumbles into her arm.

Negan stares at the top of her head, his mouth agape as his dream suddenly comes back to him. "Shit. I'm.. i'm so sorry, Eve," he stutters, his cheeks almost burning. "I don't know what to fucking say, other than i would never do that on purpose. I was sleeping, i swear."

She shuffles further under the bed, her head buried in the crook of her arm.

"Eve, don't ignore me. I'm fucking sorry, okay? It's not like i did it intentionally, it's just.. i'm a guy, and sometimes this kinda shit happens."

Eve lifts her head a little. "What were you dreaming about?"

Negan stares at her, unsure of how to answer. "I.. i'm not sure."

"You're lying," she says.

"Alright, we were.. together." And when he sees the look of disappointment on her face, it cuts him real deep. "I was being real gentle," Negan assures her. "It's not like i was taking you from behind and screwing you like there was no tomorrow. It was.. passionate, and sweaty, and really fucking good." Negan bites on his lip. Eve stares at him, her brows furrowed. "Too much information?" Negan raises an eyebrow. "Sorry, i have a habit of doing that."

"Is that what you want from me?" She questions.

"Well.. it's not the only fucking thing i want. I mean, i'm not gonna fucking lie, it's up there of course, but, you're more to me than that. I just.." Negan runs a hand through his hair. "I fucking like you, and i like you being here, and i don't wanna do anything to fuck that up. I don't want me dry fucking humping you in my sleep to ruin everything. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, us sleeping in the same bed?"

Eve holds out her hand, and Negan takes it as she shuffles out from under the bed. "I don't know. Like you said, you didn't do it on purpose. And i slept real good last night, i felt safer. It's just.. i'm not ready for anything like that. So if that's what you want, then i'm just gonna disappoint you," she says, dropping her head.

"Hey." Negan places his fingers beneath her chin. "Don't say shit like that. You couldn't disappoint me if you fucking tried." Eve wraps her arms around his shoulders, resting her head in the crook of his neck. Negan wraps his arms around her, his face pained as he struggles with his inner conflict. The devil on his shoulder urges him to make a move, to tangle his fingers in her hair and pull her head back, to take her right here and fuck her like there's no tomorrow. But the angel on his other shoulder just shakes his head, urging him to tell her the truth, that anything they build with one another right now is meaningless. She _will_ find out, and everything they have will be destroyed. Maybe if he's honest now, it'll hurt less than leaving it till later?

Negan settles at stroking Eve's hair, breathing in her scent, and as she nuzzles his neck, his erection comes back with a vengeance.

* * *

"Son of a bitch!" Negan growls as he tugs at another relentless weed.

He liked being out here, it gave him much needed time to think, time to think about Eve, and whether he should tell her the truth. No matter how long and hard he thought about it though, it always went the same way. He'd convince himself he was going to tell her, that it was the right thing to do, but as soon as walked back through that door, and he saw her gazing at him as if he were some kind of idol, the right thing to do went out of the window. He couldn't bear to see her look at him as if he were the enemy, as if it were him that had hurt her for all those months.

Negan jumps as he feels a hand against his shoulder.

Eve takes a step back, her eyes suddenly wide as if she'd poked a tiger in it's cage. For a moment, his eyes had darkened, and he very much appeared as if he were ready to pounce.

"Sorry," she barely whispers.

"Don't be." Negan smiles, staring at her in surprise. "I just wasn't expecting company."

Eve glances around the garden nervously. "I.. i got lonely, and you always look so happy out here."

Negan looks down at her bare feet, raising an eyebrow. "You should really put some shoes on."

"I'm okay."

"You'll get dirty."

Eve shrugs. "I'll shower later." She kneels down beside him, and Negan doesn't fail to notice her dress hiking up a little, a low sound emitting from his throat as he bites on his lip. "Negan? Are you okay?"

Negan lifts his gaze. "Yeah, i uh, had something in my throat," he says, coughing into the back of his hand.

"Oh. So what are you doing?"

"Trying to get rid of these stubborn bastards." He gestures towards the weeds.

"Can i help?"

He nods. "Sure. You'll need some gloves though, there's another pair in that bucket."

They kneel side by side, weeding the plants for close to an hour, Eve listening to Negan intently as he rambles on about gardening.

Once the weeding is done, Eve rises to her feet, her knees covered in dirt and her shoulder blades aching.

"I need to shower, will you watch me?" She asks.

"Sure." Negan smiles as he takes off his gloves, thinking he'd like nothing better than to watch her shower.

* * *

He'd watched her shower, or rather he'd stood watch, the same thoughts running through his mind as he'd listened to the water hit her hot, wet skin.

He'd been as polite as ever, ensuring he didn't so much as avert his gaze from the door. But now, as he stands under the shower, Eve getting dressed in her room, he can't get her out of his mind.

What he would give to have her right here with him under the shower. To run his hands over her body, to drag his lips over her collar bone. His cock throbs at the thought of her, and as he imagines his teeth grazing her breasts, he lowers his hand, slowly running his fingers down his length. With one hand pressed against the wall of the shower, and the other wrapped around his cock, he thinks of Eve. What he would do to her. Those pretty, little lips of hers, how sweet they would taste, and then his mind goes further south of there, imagining how sweet her pussy would taste. He bucks his hips against his hand, his face almost pained with how bad he wants her, his body shivering and aching for her.

He'd wanted her earlier in the garden. He could've quite easily laid her down in the mud, spread those little thighs of hers, and devoured her till she cried out his name.

"Oh, fuck!" Negan groans, his cock convulsing as he shoots his load over the door of the shower, his hand coming slowly to a stop as he strokes himself through his orgasm.

Immediately after his release, the guilt comes, as it always does. What right does he have to think of her like that? After everything he's done.

Negan takes down the shower head, washing away his load from the door, his jaw clenched tightly.

A towel wrapped around his waist, he steps through his bedroom door, surprised to see Eve sitting at the foot of his bed.

She stares at him, her eyes wide as she looks him over, lingering a little too long over his chest hair, before she looks away, her cheeks going red.

"Sorry," she says, playing nervously with her hands.

"It's okay, i don't mind." Negan smirks. "I just.. wasn't expecting you to be in here."

"Oh," she whispers, a look of disappointment crossing her face.

"You're welcome in here, if that's what the face is about?" Negan assures her.

Eve smiles, getting up off the bed. "Are you hungry?" She asks.

"I'm fucking starving."

"Good, i'll go make something while you get dressed."

Negan watches as she heads through the door, and he doesn't fail to notice how Eve glances at his towel covered portion as she walks by.

* * *

They sit on the sofa, each with a book in their hands, though Negan pays much more attention to Eve than the contents of his book. She inches closer to him, her shoulder brushing against his, sending a shiver down his spine and straight to his cock.

"Is that no good?" She asks, startling him a little.

"I'm sorry?"

"Your book. You're not reading it, is it no good?"

"Oh." Negan tosses his book onto the coffee table. "Nope, it's pretty shit. How about yours?"

Eve shrugs. "It's okay." She tosses her book with Negan's, and rests her head against his shoulder. "I like it here."

Negan slowly wraps an arm around Eve, giving her arm a quick squeeze. "Me too, sweetheart."

"And i like _you._ " Eve smiles, gazing up at him.

"You do?"

Eve nods, smiling sweetly. "I know it can't be easy, living with me, and i'm grateful."

"Well, you don't have to be grateful. I like having you here." Negan swallows deeply as she rests a hand against his shoulder, pushing herself up on her knees, her face mere inches from his. Her eyes suddenly look as deep as the ocean, and as she glances down at his lips, he struggles to swallow once again. Her hand brushes towards his neck, and it takes everything he has not to throw her down on the sofa, and have his way with her. His heart pounds as she leans in, her lips pressing lightly against his. Negan places his hands against her shoulders, pushing her gently back. "Eve, i'm sorry, i can't."

Eve pulls back, the hurt in her expression so painfully obvious. "Oh, i thought.." Eve shakes her head. "I'm sorry."

"It's not that i don't want to."

"It's okay, you don't have to say that."

"No, Eve. I fucking mean it," Negan assures her.

"Don't lie to me, Negan."

"I'm not fuckin lying."

"If you don't want me it's fine!" She snaps, crossing her arms childishly.

"Eve, don't be so fucking ridiculous. You know i fucking want you."

"Then why can't you even kiss me?"

"Because.." Negan shakes his head. "Now's not the time."

Eve jumps up from the sofa. "Whatever, just stop lying to me," she mumbles as she makes her way across the room.

"They were my men," Negan blurts out.

Eve stops near the doorway, turning to him. "Who was?"

"I.." His face suddenly feels hot, and his throat goes dry. "I was the leader of the Saviors."

Eve stares at him, not quite understanding what he's saying. "Wait.. you.." Eve's blood suddenly turns cold. She shakes her head. "No."

Negan gets up from the sofa. "Eve, i'm sorry. I had no fucking i.. idea," he stutters, the words getting caught in his throat as his lip begins to tremble.

"Stay away," she whispers, staring at him as if he were a stranger.

"Eve, please-"

"Get away from me!" She screams. Eve races towards the back door, pulling the bolt as if her life depends on it.

"Eve," Negan runs after her as she leaves in the dark of night.


	12. Chapter 12

She'd gotten over the wall. He wasn't sure how with the state she was in, but she'd scrambled up one of the beams, and dropped down much quicker than _he_ could.

He'd been walking for three hours, maybe four, and with each passing minute, the panic set in deeper.

"Eve?" Negan whispers, trying not to raise his voice in the dark, even a big bad wolf such as himself being afraid of what may be out here, especially since he doesn't even have so much as a knife. _If she gets hurt, it's on you,_ Negan scolds himself. _You_ _shouldn't have fucking told her._ Yet he knows it was the right thing to do. To carry on the way they were, to have her keep looking at him as if he were some kind of.. savior. It's better this way, he's sure of it. But with every step, he becomes more and more unsure.

* * *

Eve was a fair distance ahead of him, maybe four miles. She was used to travelling in the dark, used to lurking in the shadows unseen. Her feet hurt, but she had learned to dull out the pain of walking barefoot years before. Even so, it had been a while since she'd been out, and she'd forgotten to tread carefully, resulting in several cuts already.

She feels sick, physically sick. Eve leans against a tree, emptying the contents of her stomach, then spends a good few minutes dry heaving. She moves on, not wanting to stay in one place for too long.

"You hear that?"

Eve freezes, crouching down behind a bush at the sound of someone on horseback.

"I didn't hear nothing. You're just hearing shit. Anyway, shift's over. It's the Saviors problem now. Come on, let's head back."

Eve's eyes widen at the mention of Saviors, and she's eager to know more, so eager, she almost steps out.

"Isn't their bridge down?"

"Yeah, they're gonna have to come round the long way on the dirt road. I got through not long ago on the radio, they're only two miles East. They'll be fine. Come on, i've got a bottle of Whiskey, and a warm bed with my name on it."

She waits until they're a fair enough distance down the road, then she heads East.

* * *

Eve had fashioned a weapon out of a broken stick, and it had proven sufficient when she'd come across a walker five minutes later, swinging it at it's head, and plunging it through it's skull as it dropped to the floor.

She hides in the woods, her heart pounding at the sound of horses.

"Gareth, you take this section, i'm gonna ride on up ahead."

"On my own?" Gareth complains.

"Don't be such a fucking pussy."

"But it's dark. You know i hate the dark, Simon."

"Here, have a fucking flashlight. It'll be light in less than an hour anyway," Simon says before riding off with his companion.

She watches them leave, her hands clenched so hard around the broken stick that they draw blood, and yet she doesn't flinch.

Gareth jumps at the sound of a branch snapping in the woods. "Shit! Wait here, girl," he says as he gets down off his horse. He switches on the flashlight, taking the knife from his belt. He braces himself, fully expecting to come face to face with a walker, so he's surprised to see a woman stood in the distance. "Hey, what are you doing out here?" She stares at him, her arms shaking as she holds what looks like a stick covered in blood. "Are you okay?" Gareth frowns.

"You're all the same," she whispers.

"I'm sorry? What was that?"

It's the last thing he says, before Eve runs forward and thrusts the stick into his throat. He lets out a few choked gurgles, then his body goes limp. She finishes him with his own knife, then falls down on her ass, tears spilling down her cheeks.

* * *

Negan stumbles across a walker, relief washing over him as it's another sign that she's okay, or as okay as she can be, considering the circumstances. He'd slipped on a puddle of vomit earlier, almost throwing up his dinner in the process, and he was certain it was her. The thought of his revelation making her sick had pained him considerably, and his feet had somehow picked up the pace, yearning to find her and explain as best he could.

As the sun begins to rise, he worries he won't find her at all, that maybe she'd headed in a different direction. But as he turns his head at the sound of a horse whinnying, he sees her through the trees.

"Eve." Negan breathes a sigh of relief, which only lasts a few moments as he catches sight of a dead body laid out in front of her. "Is that a walker?"

Eve looks up at him, her eyes red. She shakes her head slowly.

"What have you done?" Negan asks, his eyes wide as he walks over to the body.

"He was one of them."

Negan turns the body over. "Oh, Jesus." He looks down at Eve. "Why did you do this?"

"They're all the same. They're all dirty rapists, and i'll kill every last one of them."

"Am _i_ a rapist? I was their fucking leader once upon a time." Eve turns away from him, refusing to answer. "Hey! You fucking look at me when i'm talking to you!" He yells. Eve flinches, and Negan's face softens momentarily. "Have _i_ ever hurt you?"

"You lied to me!"

"Yeah, i did. And i'm fucking sorry. I had no fucking idea what they were doing." Negan steps closer to her. "If i'd known, i would've killed those fuckers myself."

"I hate you," Eve sobs, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand.

Negan tilts his head, his heart dropping down to his stomach. "Why him? What the fuck did he ever do to you?" He gestures towards Gareth.

"He was one of them!"

"So was i!" Negan shouts. "So why didn't you do that to me?!"

Eve shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I knew him, and out of all the Saviors you could've killed, you couldn't have killed a nicer guy."

"They hurt me!"

"Yeah, they fucking did, but not everyone is like that. He didn't do anything. Did he try and hurt you?" Eve shrugs in reply. "What did he say to you? When he saw you out here?" She shrugs once again, and Negan kneels down in front of her, grabbing her shoulders. "What did he say?!"

Eve's lip trembles. "Are.. you okay?"

"Does that sound like the words of someone who wants to hurt you?"

"I don't know."

Negan shakes her shoulders. "You _do_ know! You can hate me all you fucking want, and you can hate _them._ But he didn't do a fucking thing to deserve this!" Negan tilts his head. "Do you realise what's gonna happen now? What they're gonna do when they find him? They'll lock you back up, Eve."

"I.." Eve looks over at the body, and for the first time, sees it for what it is. He was just a guy, a young guy at that, and he was most likely going to help her. She looks at Negan. "I'm sorry."

Negan wipes at a tear rolling down her cheek, and though she clenches her jaw a little, she doesn't move to stop him. "Maybe i can fix this?" Negan says, running a hand through his hair as he rises to his feet. "We could bury the body. People still get bit. So maybe if he doesn't go back, they just assume he got bit and turned."

Eve looks over at Negan, and though half of her hates him, the other half craves to have him hold her, to take her in his arms and protect her.

Negan's eyes widen. "Shit!"

"What's wrong?" She whispers.

"There's men on the road, i can hear them."

"Can't we move him?" She asks, pointing at the body.

Negan shakes his head. "There's no time, they'll have seen his horse, they'll be here soon." He turns to her, his face falling at how childlike she seems, shaking like a leaf in spite of what she'd just done. "You need to go."

"What?"

"Run back to Alexandria, get yourself showered."

"No."

"This isn't a fucking discussion. You sneak back in, it won't be hard."

"But, i-"

"Now!"

Eve flinches, getting up off the ground. "What are you gonna do?"

"Now, Eve!" He watches as she leaves, his heart aching as she walks away. His attention is quickly drawn towards footsteps coming towards him. Negan goes back to the body, standing in front of it with his head hung low.

"Negan?" Simon smiles. "The hell are you do.." Simon looks down at Negan's feet, his face dropping as he sees Gareth. He quickly takes the gun from his hip, aiming it at Negan. "Hands up."

Negan raises his hands, taking a step back.

"Don't move," Simon orders, taking the radio from his belt. "Craig, this is Simon. I need.. assistance, over."

The radio crackles in his hand. "I'll be there in two, over and out."

Simon stares at Negan in confusion. "Why the hell would you do this?"

Negan shrugs. "He pissed me off."

"Gareth? Come on, Negan. Gareth didn't have one bad bone in his body. The fuck happened out here?"

"Like i said, he pissed me off."

Simon raises an eyebrow. "Is this some kinda power play? You planning on trying to take over as leader?"

"Fuck no. You couldn't offer me _anything_ to fucking lead again."

"Then what the hell _is_ this? Because i don't believe for one damn second that he pissed you off to the point where you had to kill him. Gareth was a damn teddy bear."

Negan takes a step forward, his eyes cold. "I told you, he pissed me off."

Simon cocks his gun. "Not one more step, you hear me? Trust me, Negan, if you were anyone else, i would've killed you on the spot. I kinda still have a loyalty to you, what with everything we've been through, but that only stretches so far, so don't push me."

Simon's men arrive, their eyes going from the man who's now in charge, to the man who used to be.

"Simon," one of his men steps forward, his knife drawn should things get ugly.

"Pat him down and tie him up, we're taking him back to Alexandria."

* * *

Negan sits in the cell, the cell where Eve sat not so long ago. He wonders whether she got back safe, or if she even got back at all.

He glances up as footsteps creak down the stairs, Rick's no doubt, as they sound uneven.

Rick stands in front of Negan's cell, leaning on his cane. He tilts his head, taking a set of keys from his belt and unlocking the cell door. "Out." Rick gestures with his head.

Negan stares at him in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"I said out."

"Yeah, i heard what you fucking said, Rick. I just don't understand why you fucking said it."

"You think i'm stupid?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Negan smiles.

"This is no joke, Negan. Someone's dead."

"Yeah, i fucking know that." Negan frowns.

"If you expect me to believe that you killed Gareth, then you really must think i'm dumb."

"Well, i did kill him."

"The hell you did. You're not that fucking stupid. When Simon got through on the radio, i thought, there's no way in hell Negan would be so stupid. And Gareth? Come on, Negan. So it got me thinking, why would Negan say he'd done something like that? So, i asked Simon to have his men check the weapon, and what do you know, they found some teeny, tiny, bloodied handprints on it."

"What's your fucking point?"

"You and i both know, that there's only _one_ reason you'd take the wrap for something like this." Rick shifts his feet. "Where is she?"

Negan gets up off the cot. "Rick, she didn't know what she was doing."

"She killed a man."

"I told her.. about who i was. This is on me."

Rick drops his head. "What the hell do you expect me to do? She can't just go round killing people, Negan. That's not the way things work."

"Rick, please." Negan shakes his head. "If we lock her back up, i don't think she'll ever come back from it."

"It's out of my hands. Gareth was Simon's man. I can't go to Simon, and say, ' _hey, how about you just let her off?'_ He'll laugh in my fucking face. This could even start a war between us."

"Let me talk with him," Negan pleads.

"Negan.. i'm not sure i _want_ her here anymore. She's dangerous."

Negan clenches his jaw, tears on the brink. "So you're just giving up on her? Just like that? She needs help!"

"Yeah, and she's not been willing to take it," Rick points out. Negan does something that he never imagined he'd ever do, he drops to his knees. Rick looks down at him, his eyes wide. "What are you doing?" Rick asks, looking down at him uncomfortably.

"I'm on my fucking knees, asshole, what's it fucking look like?" Negan says sarcastically. "I'm fucking begging you, Rick. You see this shit? _Me.._ fucking begging _you._ She's been through so much. Tell me that you'll try, that you'll try and talk to Simon, and that you'll do every fucking thing you can to convince him to let her go."

Rick rubs at his temples. "Negan, get the hell up, you're making me really uncomfortable." Negan rises to his feet. "Look, i'll try, but i can't promise anything. But, in the meantime, you need to get back to your house. If she's there, you keep her there, you hear me?"

He nods. "Thanks, Rick."

"Don't thank me yet. Because i doubt very much that Simon is gonna be lenient."


	13. Chapter 13

**(This chapter is pretty grim, apologies if it upsets anyone.)**

"Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Simon," Rick says as he offers him a seat.

"Not at all, that _is_ what we're all about, right? Talking, keeping things ticking over so everything doesn't turn to shit."

"Yes, it is." Rick agrees.

"So what's this about, Rick? Because i'm a very busy man."

"Gareth. We know now that it wasn't Negan."

"I know that. But then, i knew that pretty much straight away, i'm not an idiot, Rick."

"I know you're not." Rick shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"So who was it?" Simon holds up a hand. "Wait, let me have a guess. Was it that feral girl i've heard about?" Rick nods in reply, and Simon leans back with a chuckle. "Well, holy shit. I gotta be honest, if this were back in the days when we were fighting each other, i'd want her on my team. Taking out one of my men like that, without a second thought, and as cold as the way she did it, now that, is the kinda person you want on your team. However, this isn't back in the day, is it?"

Rick clears his throat. "No, it's not."

"Which brings me back to my original point, what's this about?" Simon asks, his expression suddenly cold.

"I.. i'm hoping you'll be lenient on her."

Simon raises an eyebrow. "Lenient? What exactly do you think i'm going to do to her, Rick? Like you said, things aren't how they used to be. She'll do her time."

"She's been through a lot. She.. she was taken by two of Negan's men, years ago, and.. they hurt her."

"Are you saying they raped her?"

"Yes, they did."

"Well, i'm sorry about that, i truly am. I'm a lot of things, but that ain't one of them. But that doesn't mean she has a free pass to go kill my men."

"I know that, but Negan-"

"Aah," Simon slaps the table, Rick flinching slightly. "And there it is! She's Negan's little pet, isn't she?"

"He's been helping her."

"Oh, i'll bet he has." Simon smiles. "Did Negan ask you to talk with me? He did, didn't he. Of course he did. He doesn't wanna lose his little piece of skirt." Simon furrows his brows. "He in love with her or something?"

Rick opens his mouth, unsure how to answer. "I don't know.. he cares for her."

"Of course he fucking loves her, why else would he try taking the blame like that?"

"She didn't know he was the leader of the Saviors. He told her last night, and she just flipped out."

"Well that's an understatement."

"What happened to Eve, it's stuck with her, she hasn't had the chance to heal."

"Are you suggesting i just let her get away with what she's done? Because it _kinda_ sounds like that's where you're heading."

"What i'm saying, is she needs help. Locking her up will only make her worse."

"You know, i've really been working on my anger issues, Rick. But right now, i'm not doing so great."

"I'm not saying she shouldn't be punished, that she shouldn't pay for what she did. Just that she needs help."

Simon runs a hand over his moustache, leaning back in his seat. "I don't know. Letting a murderer run free doesn't quite sit right with me."

"She's not exactly running free. Eve hadn't even left Negan's house till she ran out last night. She won't even speak to anyone other than Negan, except for Carson."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Well, i was hoping you might come up with something. Since Gareth was your man."

Simon lets out a deep breath, tapping his fingers on the desk. "I bet Negan feels pretty damn shitty about this. His men hurting her like that. That was always one rule you _never_ wanted to get caught breaking. You know who they are? Because putting aside what she's done, i don't want men like that on my team."

"John and David."

Simon's eyes widen. "Holy shit! So she was the one who killed John, well _shit_. I remember going up to the cabin after they found him." Simon looks away a little uncomfortably. "Negan didn't go, he sent me to check out what the hell happened out there, and.. i remember thinking it didn't look right. I thought at the time, it looked like they'd been keeping someone there.. but.. they'd had to have been keeping her there for months." He grimaces. "And David.. well, Negan killed him himself after that whole business with Sasha." Simon rubs at his temples, feeling something quite unfamiliar.. guilt. "Shit. I tell you what. I'll make you a deal. You get her some help, sort out whatever shit is going on in that head of hers, and when she's better.. or at least more on the side of being sane, she comes to work for me, call it community service if you like."

"Seriously?" Rick asks in surprise.

"I'm not doing this for you, i'm doing it for Negan, kinda have a little soft spot for the old fucker. And.. i kinda feel shitty. I've got a lot of shit coming back to me now about that cabin, things i saw, well, back then i just shrugged it off, but now.. well, it's kinda making my stomach turn, and for someone who's seen the shit _i_ have, believe me when i say that's not an easy task. I'll tell you this though, Rick, if she does something like this again, she won't get another chance, this is it. I get she won't be so keen to work with us, but that's just tough fucking shit. She _will_ work off her debt, once she's able, because i can't have people thinking i've gone soft."

Rick nods his head. "Of course. I really appreciate this, Simon."

"Let's hope _she_ appreciates it, because my generosity only goes so far."

* * *

Negan stands still in the hall, glancing down at the bloody footprints, his eyes following them up the stairs.

"Eve," he whispers, making his way up the steps.

Eve's exactly where he expected her to be, cowering beneath the bed, and from the looks of her, she hadn't bothered showering.

Negan kneels down, letting out a deep breath.

"Have you come to take me away?" She whispers.

His face falls. "No. But.. they didn't fall for my story, they know it was you."

"They're gonna lock me away again."

"I.. i don't know. I asked Rick to speak with Simon. But.. if that doesn't work out, maybe we can leave."

Eve shakes her head. "You were right. That guy didn't deserve what i did to him, i just.. i couldn't see it, all i could see was _them._ And now he's dead, because of me. I deserve to be locked away. This will never be over, it never is. Every time i think it's over, things just get worse."

"Eve, maybe we can make this right? You just.. you need help, and, i'm not enough. What they did to you, they deserved to die for that, and yes, they were Saviors, but not every Savior is like that." Negan lets out a deep breath. "The other guy, David. He tried to hurt someone else, like how he hurt you, so i killed him, without a second thought."

Eve peeks over the top of her arm. "It's never over. Even when it was over, it wasn't over."

"What do you mean?"

"John came to the cabin alone, he let his guard down. I saw an opportunity, and i took it.. he got what he deserved. I sat there, and i cried, tears of joy mostly. I wanted to wait for the other one, but i was too afraid, so i ran. I thought it was over.. i was wrong.. so wrong."

* * *

Just as Eve thought she was free, sickness had taken her over. Convinced they'd infected her with some kind of sexual disease, she'd bitterly prepared to meet her end, cursing the both of them each night as she lay cold and hungry in whatever dirty, dank abode she found to lay her head.

After months of being sick, her stomach began to swell, and that horrified her more than the thought of dying.

 _Oh, God! Please, anything but this,_ she'd prayed silently. But God hadn't answered, and as her stomach grew, she'd cursed the child inside. Eve had wondered which one it would look like, she'd even contemplated, on dark, lonely nights, throwing it to the dead once it were born.

But on her seventh month of carrying, she'd felt it move, and a sudden warmth had filled her.

Sitting on a rooftop, she'd rested her hands against her stomach, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, i'm so sorry." And she'd vowed to take better care of herself, to find food and shelter, so she could raise and protect her little one.

But it was too late, her body so weak and malnourished, and with food so scarce, she'd felt the first set of contractions two weeks later. Eve had found a dirty apartment block, and climbed the fire escape to the top, stopping every few steps as another contraction ripped through her.

She'd grabbed a few blankets, then laid down on the floor of the apartment, trying her best not to scream. It was a long labour, her waters only breaking 12 hours after her first contraction, and the urge to push only coming another 12 after that.

She'd beared down, having only a dirty blanket to comfort herself, and a candle that had long since melted to nothing.

Eve had lowered her hand, feeling the top of their head, and she'd screamed as they'd begun to crown, feeling as if she were on fire. There'd been a moment of relief, the baby slipping out easily the rest of the way, and in spite of her tiredness, she'd leant forward, picking up her new born.

She'd smiled, glancing between their legs and seeing that she had a daughter. But then Eve's smile had faded, her baby not letting out a single cry.

She was a tiny thing, probably weighing not much more than 2 pounds. Eve did everything she could, but it was useless, she was gone.

There wasn't much time for grieving, Eve feeling another set of contractions ripping through her. She'd wrapped her daughter in a blanket, convinced she was birthing another, only to realise it was most likely the placenta.

As Eve laid there, her breath heavy, feeling in that moment that death would be a blessing as she bled profusely, movement caught her eye.

"No, oh, God no.. please," she'd sobbed as her daughter began to move beneath the blood, soaked sheet.

* * *

Negan stares at her, his mouth hanging open, tears streaming down his cheeks, as Eve tells him what happened after.

"Eve.. i'm," Negan shakes his head, wiping at his eyes with the back of his arm uselessly. "I, am so, fucking sorry. I can't.." Negan holds his head in his hands.

"I promised myself i'd never let anyone hurt me again, that i'd _never_ trust anyone. But i trusted you, and you let me down," Eve sobs.

Negan tilts his head. "I can never make up for what's happened to you, but.. let me try. Please, Eve. I fucking swear to you, i'll spend the rest of my shitty fucking excuse for a life making it up to you." Negan drops his head, his words seeming meaningless with what she just shared. The thought of her being out there, giving birth alone, having to put down her own baby. His heart aches so fiercely, he's sure it will break as he struggles even to breathe. "I know i don't deserve your forgiveness, i don't fucking deserve anything other than you taking my knife and stabbing me with it. Part of me wishes you would." His hand suddenly feels warm. Negan looks down in surprise, Eve's fingers resting over his.

"Hold me," she whispers, her voice breaking as tears spill down her cheeks.

Negan lays down on his stomach, crawling beneath the bed before he drapes his arm over her. Eve shuffles closer, burying her head in his chest as he squeezes her tightly.

"I'm gonna fix this, Eve. I fucking swear i will."

* * *

 **Author's note**  
So this fic is far from over, but a lot happened in the last three chapters, so i'm gonna have to take a little time to figure out where i'm going with it next. Hopefully it won't be too long. I always appreciate feedback, even if it's just a few words. Thanks for reading. X


	14. Chapter 14

He'd laid with her beneath the bed till she'd fallen asleep, watching her shoulders shake less and less as she calmed down enough to let sleep take her.

Negan strokes her hair, his face pained as he imagines what horror she might be dreaming of. He hears a knock at the door, shuffling out from under the bed. Negan stands watch a few moments, reluctant to leave her, until the knocking becomes relentless.

"Rick," Negan whispers, his throat dry as he opens the door. "Come in."

Rick parks his ass on the sofa, running a hand through his hair.

"Look, Rick. I know what she did, but, i can't let you take her. You don't even know the half of what she's been through. So, we're gonna leave. I'm gonna take her, and i swear you'll never fucking see us again. I just, i _can't_ let you take her, Rick, i just can't."

Rick holds up a hand. "That won't be necessary."

"I'm sorry, how's that?"

"I spoke with Simon, and he's agreed that she shouldn't be locked up."

Negan stares at Rick. "Are you shitting me?" Rick shakes his head in reply. "Why would he do that?" Negan asks in confusion.

"Well, mostly for you, because he still respects you, but, he also said he felt bad. Said he remembers going out to that cabin. She's not getting off completely though. He wants her to get whatever help she needs, and then she's to work for him, kinda like community service."

"That's not gonna happen overnight, Rick. Eve told me some stuff that'd make the toughest son of a bitch at least wince. I can't see her wanting to be anywhere near the Saviors, never mind working with them."

"It doesn't have to happen overnight, it'll take as long as it takes, Simon understands that." Rick glances at Negan's hand. "Is that blood?"

"Yeah, her feet and hands are bleeding, she's gonna need checking over."

"I'll go get Carson."

"No, she's sleeping. Have him come later," Negan says.

Rick nods. "Alright. You think she trusts Carson enough to talk with him? Because she's gonna have to, if she's gonna get better."

"I think so. He's the only person she's comfortable with other than me."

"Well, that's something. Carson's got experience with people like her, what she's been through."

"You think i should tell her? About Simon's deal?" Negan asks.

"Yeah. The less we keep from her, the better."

"She's not gonna like it."

"She doesn't have to like it, but she needs to know," Rick points out.

* * *

Negan crouches down near his bed. "Eve, you awake?"

She turns to him, nodding her head.

"You wanna come out from under there? You must be hungry, right?"

"A little," she whispers.

"I need to take a look at your hands and feet, they're bleeding."

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not okay, sweetheart. Come on, come out from under there." Negan offers his hand, and to his surprise, she takes it. "That's it." Negan smiles, his voice a little shaky.

"Is someone down there?" Eve glances towards the door.

"No, it's just us. But Carson's gonna be here soon, so he can take a look at you. Is that okay?" Eve nods in reply. "And then, we need to talk." Eve looks at him warily, and it breaks his heart to see her being cautious of him. "Hey, nothing's changed, Eve. I'm still the same person."

She shakes her head. "No, you're not.. not completely."

"W.. will you talk to me about it? Once Carson's gone?" Negan stutters.

"Okay." In spite of her wariness around Negan, she finds herself clinging to his arm as someone knocks at the door.

"It's okay, it's just Carson," Negan assures her, and his heart warms a little as her reaction reminds him she still needs him.

* * *

"You'll wanna keep these bandaged for about a week or two, prevent infection." Carson says as he wraps her foot.

"She doesn't need stitches?" Negan asks.

"No, she'll be alright, just keep them clean and dry." Carson looks up at her. " _Dont,_ pick at them. I know it's a hard habit to break, especially when you're anxious or afraid, but we need these to heal quickly, okay?"

Eve nods. "Okay."

"Good. I'll come see you tomorrow, is that okay?" She answers with a nod. "Negan, will you walk me to the door?"

"Sure, Doc."

As Negan opens the door, Carson turns to him. "I'm only keeping her bandaged for so long so she doesn't pick. Make sure she doesn't take them off unless she's showering. You're gonna have to wrap them back up, can you manage that?"

"Yeah, i can manage that."

"Alright." He nods. "I'll be back around dinner time tomorrow. Seeya."

"Seeya." Negan waves, closing the door behind him and bolting it. He makes his way to the kitchen, sighing deeply as he watches Eve pick at the bandage on her hand. "Carson told you not to do that."

"He said not to pick at my feet, my hands aren't as bad."

"They will be if you keep picking at them," Negan points out. He sits down on the floor in front of her. "So, you said you'd talk to me," he says, sounding a little needy. "There anything you wanna ask me?"

Eve looks down at him, and with Negan looking up at her like a puppy, her shoulders relax a little, Eve feeling much more in control. "You were their leader?"

Negan drops his head. "Yeah, i was. I'm sorry i-"

"I don't want your apologies. I just want you to tell me the truth, no more lies."

"No more lies, i fucking swear."

"Did you know your men were like that?" She asks.

"I.." Negan closes his mouth, deep in thought. He's not so sure the correct answer is no. Negan knew a lot of his men were less than desirable, but he didn't realise just how much. "I knew a lot of them were bad, but i didn't know they were like that. I thought i had the bad ones in check. That's why i had such strict rules, and punishments."

"Did.. did you ever hurt someone like they hurt me?"

Negan tilts his head, his brows furrowed and his face pained. " _No,_ i would _never._ I never even killed a woman.. well, except for once."

Eve meets his gaze. "Who did you kill?"

"Rick had some trouble a few years back with another group. One of his people broke me out of my cell so i could help, they thought i'd do a better job of it than Rick. I joined their group, real bunch of fucking weirdos they were, called themselves Whisperers. They were savages, especially the men. Their leader was a woman named Alpha. I.. i cut her head off and took it back to Rick, to prove i was on his side."

"And were you on his side?"

"Well, i'm still fucking here, aren't i?" Negan points out. "I gotta say, you don't seem too fucking bothered that i cut some woman's head off."

Eve shrugs. "You said they were savages, she can't have been a very good leader if she was okay with that."

"No, she wasn't, but neither was i."

"Why were you in that cell?" Eve presses.

Negan runs a hand through his hair. "I killed a lot of Rick's people, though to be fair, he killed a fuck load more of mine."

"So, why were you there?"

"I.. it's not just about how many i killed, but _why_ , and all the shit inbetween. I lead on fear, and i bled the communities dry of resources, using that same fear. I thought i was doing the right thing for my people, i was wrong."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"No.." Negan shakes his head. "Fuck, i said i'd be honest. Maybe, sometimes. Sometimes, i miss the way it made me feel. It made me feel.. useful.. powerful.. and needed. But, since you got here, you've made me feel all those fucking things, but better, because i don't have to live everyday pushing down the feeling that what i'm doing is wrong. Well, except for the fact that i was keeping the Saviors a secret from you. Before you got here, i'd wake up in the morning, grateful to be a-fucking-live, but that's about it. _Now,_ i wake up with a smile on my face, every damn morning, because of _you_. And now.." His eyes begin to glisten as he clamps his teeth together, his lip trembling. "Now, i've fucking ruined _everything_. I.. i never meant to hurt you, but as soon as you told me about those men, i _knew_ that'd be it for us, that as soon as you knew i was their leader, you'd never look at me the same, and i.. i can see it now, in your eyes, the way you're looking at me. And, it _hurts._ " Negan places his hand against his chest. " _Here._ I don't wanna feel like this, and i don't mean feeling like a piece of shit, because i fucking should feel like a piece of shit, but.. what i feel for you.. it fucking terrifies me." Negan drops his head, wiping at tears with the back of his hand.

"What do you feel for me?" Eve whispers.

Negan gazes up at her, his eyes red. "I love you. I completely fucking love every fucking thing about you, and it scares the shit outta me." Eve lowers her hand, wiping at his cheeks, and Negan suddenly feels strange, unable to figure out why for a few moments. Then he realises that other than Lucille and his Mother, he hasn't told another woman he loves them, and more, this is the first time they haven't said it in return. Sure, he doesn't expect her to say it back, not after everything he's done, but he didn't expect to say it either, and it hurts nonetheless.

"I.. i'm not sure what i feel anymore," Eve says, cupping his cheek with her hand. "I thought i did, but, it feels different now. You're.. my protector, and yet, i have this overwhelming feeling that you caused what happened to me." Eve shakes her head, tears on the brink. "I know deep down that isn't true, but my head won't let me be rational. I'm.. i'm gonna fight with this for a while, but, i _will_ fight it, because i wanna stay here with you, i _need_ you, Negan. Do.. do you still want me here?"

"Of course i fucking do." Negan smiles. "But, i have to tell you something."

Eve's heart pounds, unsure whether she wants to hear what he has to say. "What?"

"It's about what happened, the consequences of that. See, Rick spoke with Simon, he's the leader of the Saviors now, and he was real fucking lenient, agreed that you shouldn't be locked up. But, there were some conditions."

"Conditions?"

"Well, he wants you to get help, and that'll start with talking to Carson on a regular basis, _and,_ i was thinking you could talk to Jim's wife, Marie." Negan holds up a hand. "Only when you're ready. Marie.. she's been through some of the same things you have, maybe she'll understand better than Carson can, or than i can?"

Eve looks down at him, feeling unsure. "Maybe. Is that all he wanted?"

"No, he.. shit." Negan rubs at the back of his neck. "When you've.. i wanna say gotten better, but i don't suppose that's the right way to put it, i'm not the fucking best with words, but, when you've gotten better with people, Simon wants you to work off your debt, kinda like community service." Eve stares at him, her eyes wide in horror as if he just suggested throwing her to the nearest Savior. Negan takes her hand. "Eve, i know right now, that's the last fucking thing you wanna do, but, he _has_ been lenient. You could be rotting in that cell for the next twenty years if it weren't for Simon."

"I ca.. cant do that.. not yet," she stutters.

"I know that, sweetie. It won't be for a long time, until you learn to trust other people, and i promise, i'll be there every step of the way."

"You promise?"

"I fucking promise, sweetie."

Eve drops down from the chair onto her knees, resting her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Don't let me down again, Negan. I don't think i can come back from that, if you let me down again."

Negan runs his fingers through her hair. "I won't let you down, Eve."


	15. Chapter 15

"Why do _you_ think he did that?"

"Because he's evil," Eve says, staring off into the distance.

"Maybe." Carson nods. "What he did is unforgivable. _But,_ let's pretend he wasn't evil."

Eve looks up at Carson as he sits on the sofa to her left. "What?" She asks in astonishment.

"Let's pretend he _wasn't_ evil. What other reason would he have to give you to those men?"

"There is no other reason." Eve furrows her brows, picking at her bandages.

"I'm not making excuses for him, Eve. I'm asking _you_ to make excuses for him. _Why_?"

Eve shrugs. "I don't know.. maybe.. he was scared?"

"There you go. What else?"

"He.. was weak?"

Carson nods. "He was certainly that. Do you know why i'm asking you this? What my point is?"

"No."

"My point is, people do bad things, especially now, and it's very rarely because they're evil. It may seem like this world is filled with evil, what with the things people do, but very few people are genuinely evil. Josh, was most likely exactly what you said. Scared, and weak. What he did, can never be forgiven, i understand that. But, i think if he were alive today, he might not be too far from where you are mentally."

"Why?"

" _If_ , he was just a weak, scared, pathetic excuse for a human, that thought more for his own life than yours, so much so, that he let those men take you, it _will_ have stuck with him. You'd be surprised how weak people can be. People normally have one of three reactions to a scary situation, fight, flight, or freeze. And when a person's life is directly threatened, more people than you'd think go back to the most basic instinct there is, their own survival. When someone is put in a corner, with no way out, more often than not, they'll do whatever it takes to survive. But, they have to live with what happens after."

"Am i supposed to care?" Eve frowns. "Why are you even telling me this?"

"Because your biggest problem right now, is how irrational you are. You believe that almost everyone is going to hurt you, and that's just not the case. We're talking about Josh, because what he did was despicable, but, if i can get you to see that what he did was not because he wanted to hurt you, but because he was afraid, and he valued his own life more than yours, then we'll start getting somewhere. You can hate him, you _should_ hate him, but you should also pity him."

"I'll do no such thing!" Eve snaps, crossing her arms.

"And you don't have to. I just want you to think about it, can you do that?"

"Fine," she says, refusing to look him in the eye.

"How are things with Negan?"

Eve turns to Carson, her face softening a little, but with sadness more than anything. "I don't know, we're okay.. i guess."

"Which when translated, means you're not okay at all." Carson nods. "Do you blame him?"

"Sometimes. But most of the time i don't. I know it wasn't his fault, but, my head tells me otherwise."

"Which kinda adds to my point earlier, about how irrational you are. Listen, Eve. Maybe i'm wrong? The things i said about Josh, and what i'm asking you to do. I'm.. kinda out of my depth here. I mean, i've seen people similar to you, but i was never a qualified psychologist. I'm kinda just winging it here," Carson admits.

Eve smiles, and it's a genuine smile. "You're not so bad."

"Thank you." Carson nods. "Those can come off today." He gestures towards her bandages. "Three weeks has been more than long enough. Why don't you tell me about you and Negan while i take them off?"

"What about us?" She asks, holding out her hands.

"Well, what's changed? Since Gareth?" Eve visibly winces. "Sorry. You're not ready to talk about that, and that's okay. So, what's different?"

"I still haven't gone back to sleeping in his room."

"Are you still sleeping under the bed?" Carson asks as he unwraps her bandage.

Eve nods. "Negan.. he's been so nice, and, i feel bad."

"Why do you feel bad?"

"Because.. my guard is up.. i think. And i can see the hurt in his eyes. I just.. it's hard, because i hate seeing him hurting, but, i also want him to hurt."

"That's understandable. You and Negan have a unique connection. You were drawn to him above everyone else, and i'm guessing that's because he's an outsider.. and it shows. He's never felt like he belongs here, that he's one of us."

Eve's heart sinks, guilt washing over her as she remembers that's the _exact_ reason why she was drawn to him, why she felt she could trust him. Because he wasn't one of _them,_ and she saw that the first time she met him.

"You should keep talking to him."

Eve jumps a little, her mind a million miles away. "What?"

"Negan. You should talk to him. Don't bottle things up, it's not healthy." Carson tosses her bandages in a trashcan. "There, all done. These have healed nicely. Let's take a look at your feet, then we're done." He smiles.

* * *

"How'd it go, doc?"

"Better, or at least i think it did. I'm out of my depth to be fair."

Negan rests a hand against his shoulder. "You're doing great, doc."

"I.. i think she's starting to feel guilt, about what she did to Gareth."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mentioned his name, and she flinched."

"Maybe she just doesn't like hearing his name, what with him being a Savior?"

Carson shakes his head. "No, you could see the guilt on her face. But, that's a good thing. Means we're making progress."

"Does it?"

"Yeah, it means she's seeing him as something other than _them,_ she's seeing him as a person."

"Is there anything i can do?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing." He heads towards the front door. "She go upstairs straight after our talk?"

Negan shakes his head. "She's out in the garden."

Carson looks at him in surprise. "Alone? How long has she been doing that for?"

"Just the last couple of days."

* * *

Eve kneels in the garden, leaning over to smell a growth of lavender.

"Hi."

Eve jumps, turning round quickly, ready to race for the house. Her face softens as she sees a little girl of about seven or eight. "Hi."

"What are you doing?" She asks with a smile.

"I.. i'm just sitting, smelling these," Eve says, feeling like a complete idiot.

"Can i?" She asks.

"Sure." Eve smiles.

The little girl makes her way over, kneeling down beside her. "They're pretty. We don't have any in my garden." She turns to Eve. "I'm Judith, what's your name?"

"Eve."

Judith claps her hands together excitedly. "Eve! Like from WALL-E! That's my favourite!"

"Really? That was one of my favourites too." Eve smiles. "Do your parents know you're out here?" Eve asks, glancing around the garden.

"I'm not supposed to wander too far, but my house is just across the street. What are these?" Judith asks.

"They're.." Eve clears her throat, glancing round the garden cautiously. "Strawberries."

Judith giggles. "They're all green and tiny."

"Yeah, they've got a fair bit of growing to do yet."

"Can i pick some when they're grown?" Judith asks.

"Sure, i don't see why n-"

"Hey there."

Eve's head turns so quick, her neck cracks. Her eyes widen at the sight of Rick standing a few feet away. She shuffles in front of Judith, curling her fingers around the little girl's arm protectively.

Rick stands there, unsure how to proceed, Eve looking up at him as if he were a dangerous predator. He holds up his hands. "Hey, it's okay."

"Ow," Judith winces.

Eve looks back at her, her fingers clamped too tightly around her tiny arm. She loosens them. "I.. i'm sorry."

"It's okay." Judith smiles. "That's my daddy."

Negan steps out into the garden, glancing from Rick to Eve. "Everything okay?" He asks, making his way slowly over to Eve.

"Eve was showing me the flowers," Judith says with a smile, and as Eve releases her grip, she skips over to Rick.

Rick breathes a sigh of relief, leaning down and placing a hand against her shoulder. "You were supposed to stay in the yard."

"I got bored."

"Of course you did." Rick smiles. "But, you can't wander off like that, you had me worried." He looks down at the top of Judith's arm, red finger marks already beginning to fade.

"Sorry, daddy. Eve said i can help pick strawberries.. not when they're green though. Can i, daddy?"

Rick glances over at Eve, who looks a little shamefaced. "We'll see. It's almost lunchtime. Come on."

"Bye, Eve." Judith waves.

"B.. bye," Eve stutters, watching her leave.

Negan kneels down beside her. "Are you okay?"

"I think i hurt her.. i didn't mean to," Eve says, her eyes beginning to water.

Negan strokes her hair. "She seemed fine to me." Negan raises an eyebrow. "Why didn't you run inside soon as Rick showed up?"

"I.. i didn't wanna leave her. I thought.. maybe he was gonna hurt her. I didn't know he was her dad." Eve shakes her head. "I didn't mean to grip her arm so tight, i swear."

"I know that," Negan assures her. "I'll talk to Rick later, i'm sure it's alright."

"Negan, i.." Eve looks down at her hands nervously.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry."

Negan furrows his brow. "What the fuck do you have to be sorry for?"

"I've been cold, and, you don't deserve that."

"I beg to fucking differ." Negan frowns. "I deserve every fucking thing you throw at me."

"No, you don't. I'm.. i'm trying. Carson said you think you don't belong here, and, it made me sad."

Negan looks down at his hands a little uncomfortably. "Well, he'd be fucking right.. kinda. No one fucking wants me here."

"I want you here."

Negan smiles. "You do?" Eve nods in reply. "So what else did Carson say?"

"He said.. i should pity Josh."

Negan's eyes widen. "Are you fucking shitting me?" Negan rises to his feet, his hand balled into a fist down by his side. "The fuck?! Why the fucking fuck would he say that?!" Negan yells, paying little attention to Eve as she cowers slightly. "That's it, i'm gonna go straight to the infirmary and give that stupid fucker what for.. who the fuck does he think he is?!" Negan feels fingers circling round his fist, and his heart sinks as he gazes down at her, the way she looks up at him as if she were a child afraid of being scolded.

"Don't do that," she whispers. "Carson's my friend."

He kneels down in front of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just.. i don't want you thinking you have to pity that fucking spineless piece of shit. He doesn't deserve your pity. The only thing you need to focus on, is yourself." Negan tilts his head. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"I'll decide how i wanna feel about _him._ Not _you,_ not _Carson, me._ I.. i don't wanna talk about it anymore, i just.. i wish i was fucking normal!" Her lip trembles, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Hey," Negan says soothingly, wrapping his arms around her. He strokes her hair as she rests her head against his chest.

* * *

 _Negan stands in the middle of the woods, the world around him an orange haze as the sun begins to set. He looks down at his hands, searching for Lucille, but she's gone. Negan goes to_ _open his mouth, but nothing_ _comes out. His eyes search the woods surrounding him, fortunately not a dead one in sight._

 _That's when he hears a scream. A scream so high pitched and desperate, he covers his ears to dull out the sound._

 _As the sun fades to nothing, the woods come alive, shadows lurking all around him, his heart pounding against his chest as his eyes search for any sign of life._

 _He finds it, a light in the distance. A cabin, maybe half a mile ahead. The screams return, piercing his ears, Negan dropping to his knees as he covers his ears once again. His eyes widen. "Eve?" He finds his voice. "Eve!" Negan jumps to his feet, racing towards the cabin, tears spilling down his cheeks as he's sure the screams are hers._

 _His legs ache, and with every step forward, the cabin only moves further away. "Eve!"_

 _The dead surround him, fingers clawing at his jacket, eager for fresh meat, but he doesn't stop, Eve's screams echoing through the woods._

 _Sweat drips down his temples, his heart pounding faster with every step, till suddenly, he's there, right in front of the cabin._

 _The door opens, Eve stumbling through it. She stands there, wearing a white gown covered in blood, her eyes giving him that same look of distrust. "You, this is all you."_

 _Negan shakes his head, opening his mouth, but nothing comes out._

 _She screams, Negan covering his ears as tears stream down his cheeks, and yet they aren't tears, but blood._

* * *

Negan wakes, his breath heavy, and his body slick with sweat.

"It's okay," Eve whispers as she strokes his face, caring very little that he's covered in sweat.

He looks at her in surprise. "Eve?"

"You were shouting out in your sleep," she whispers.

"I.. i'm sorry."

"Don't be." She says. Eve lies down beside him, draping one arm over his chest as she curls her fingers through his hair, her head buried in the crook of his neck. "I'm here now, you can sleep."

Negan let's out a contented breath, his eyes slowly flickering shut.

Eve lies there, listening as his breathing becomes less erratic, taking in the scent of him as he falls asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Negan's eyes flicker open, his sleep unbroken since he'd woke in the night. He looks down to his left with a smile as Eve sleeps soundly atop the covers, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder, and her arm draped over his stomach.

He watches her sleep, brushing his fingers gently down her arm.

She stirs a little, Negan cursing himself for waking her. That is until she looks up at him through tired eyes, smiling at him so sweetly that his heart aches.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hey." Negan smiles, stroking her shoulder.

Eve leans up on her elbow, gazing down at him. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, i did, thanks to you." Negan tucks her hair behind her ear. She rests a hand against his bare chest, and he's sure she can feel his heart beating faster. "Did.. did _you_ sleep okay?"

"Yeah, better than i have in weeks." Eve lifts her hand to his face, stroking his cheek, his beard prickling her fingers. Negan looks up at her with a smile, and yet he looks nervous, which makes her own heart ache.

Negan's eye's widen as she inches closer, and his heart flutters as she presses her lips lightly against his. Never before has he ever had such a reaction to a simple kiss, his entire body breaking out in gooseflesh, and just as he thinks it's over, she parts his lips gently, her tongue exploring his mouth, colliding with his own. Negan groans audibly, his hand curled in her hair as his lips smack against hers greedily. He wants to roll her onto her back so bad, to run his mouth all over her body till she calls out his name in delight, but he doesn't, ensuring she maintains control.

Eve brushes her fingers over his neck, moaning lightly as he rolls his tongue over hers, and with that single moan, she feels his fingers tighten momentarily in her hair, Negan groaning needily. She feels a heat between her thighs, and then the guilt hits, sure that she shouldn't be doing this. Knowing it's an irrational thought, and not wanting to upset him, she gently lowers her hand back to his chest, pulling her lips away from his. She hovers there a few moments, kissing him one last time before she rests her head in the crook of his neck.

His breath heavy, and his cock throbbing, Negan thinks of Eugene, but this time it doesn't work.

"Negan."

"Yeah?"

"You.. you weren't expecting something to happen, were you?" Eve asks nervously.

Negan turns on his side to face her, stroking her cheek. "Fuck no. I mean, i'd be fucking beyond thrilled if it did, but no. I'm not expecting _anything_ of you, Eve. And, as far as first kisses go, that was fucking breathtaking."

Eve blushes a little, lowering her head to his chest. "It was. Can i be honest with you? It's just, Carson said i should always tell you how i'm feeling, that i shouldn't bottle stuff up."

"You can always tell me anything, Eve."

"I.. i only stopped because i was getting.. hot, and then i felt bad."

Negan clears his throat, trying hard to push down the fact that he most likely had her wet between her thighs just now. "You don't have to feel bad. But, you go at your own pace. There's no rush, sweetheart. And don't go worrying about _my_ feelings. I know it's not about me."

Eve smiles, breathing a sigh of relief and feeling much better for telling him the truth. She kisses his cheek chastely, and rests her head against his shoulder.

"I need to go out today," Negan says. Eve flinches a little, tugging briefly at his chest hair. "Don't worry. I'm not leaving Alexandria. I probably won't be more than twenty minutes," he assures her.

* * *

Negan walks through the door of the infirmary, trying his best to remain calm.

"Hey, Negan." Carson frowns. "You okay?"

"I need a word, in private."

"Okay." Carson nods. "We can go through here." He opens the door to a recovery room, the same room that Negan had recovered in after Rick had slit his throat. "So, what's wrong?"

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Negan frowns.

"Well, i _was_ seeing to my patients, but then _you_ came in, and-"

"Don't get fucking smart," Negan cuts him off. "I meant with Eve. All that fucking bullshit you told her about Josh.. you think she should pity him?"

Carson holds up a hand. "I _did_ say that, but, i think i may have gone too far."

"You're damn right you went too fucking far!" Negan snaps.

Carson takes a step back instinctively. "Look, i said i wasn't a qualified therapist, okay. I was just.." Carson shakes his head. "I was trying to get her to look at things from a different perspective, and maybe i went too far."

"Maybe?" Negan frowns.

"Alright, i _did_ go too far. Look, maybe i'm not the right person to be helping her, there's a guy at the Kingdom, he'd-"

"No. She trusts you. Just, don't go filling her head with stupid shit. She doesn't need to feel anything for that spineless piece of shit."

"Alright, i'll have a word with her."

Negan's eyes widen a little. "No, don't do that."

"Why not?"

"I.. i told her i wouldn't say anything to you."

Carson raises an eyebrow. "So, you're lying to her?"

"Hey, don't fucking push it, doc. The only reason i'm not beating you to a pulp right now, is because of Eve, and, you know.. out of all the assholes in Alexandria, you're not as big an asshole as the rest."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"If i were in your shoes, i'd take it as one."

Carson nods. "Alright, there'll be no more talk of pitying Josh, _unless,_ Eve mentions it."

"Alright. You coming by later?"

"Yeah, i'll come by just before lunch."

* * *

Negan walks down the street towards his house, but as he sees Rick sitting on his porch watching Judith play in the front yard, he heads over.

"Rick. I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Take a seat." Rick pats the space beside him. "I'm guessing it's about what happened yesterday."

"Yeah," Negan says as he sits down beside him.

"Well, don't worry about it, Judith's fine. I'm not gonna lie, Eve scared me shitless, the way she grabbed Judith's arm like that. But, she was trying to protect her, which is a good thing, and like i said, Judith is fine."

"Thanks, Rick. Eve was real worried about it, thought you were gonna fucking lock her up or some shit."

"How's she doing?" Rick asks.

"Some days she's not so good, other days she is. It's like she has a switch, and she's trying real fucking hard to get it under control."

"Maybe Judith could join you out in the garden some time? Under your supervision of course," Rick suggests.

"Really?"

Rick nods. "Yeah. Judith seemed to like her. Maybe it'll help Eve to start building connections with other people? But, you gotta promise me you'll watch her like a hawk, Negan."

"Of course."

Rick laughs. "Who would've thought, after everything we've been through, that i'd be entrusting my daughter to _you,_ of all people."

"Well, i sure fucking appreciate it, Rick."

"Yeah, just watch the profanity, i _don't_ want Judith coming home cursing."

"I'll try." Negan chuckles.

* * *

Eve sits on the sofa, Carson on the sofa to her left.

"Negan said something, didn't he?"

Carson stares at her, clearing his throat. "Why would you think that?"

"Because he can't help himself. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No, he didn't. He was just worried about you, and he's right to be. What i suggested yesterday, that wasn't professional."

"I know, but you're not a professional, not at this anyway. I'm feeling good today." Eve smiles.

"Well, that's great."

"I _will_ think about what you said though, whether it's professional or not. I wanna feel how i feel right now, _all_ the time."

"I know you do." Carson smiles sympathetically. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about today?"

"Yeah, i wanna talk about yesterday."

Carson leans forward a little. "Okay, i'm listening."

"Well, first, i felt bad, because i hurt that little girl."

"Judith?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to, i just, i saw Rick, and i thought he might wanna hurt her. But, she didn't seem scared of him, in fact, she was smiling, and she ran to him."

"Does that make you feel different about Rick?"

"Kinda.. maybe."

"What do you remember about Rick? Can you think back?" Carson asks.

Eve furrows her brows, trying to think back. "I.. was at a place called Woodbury, i didn't like it there." She shakes her head.

"Why was that?"

"The guy in charge, he.. he smiled too much, and it never reached his eyes. It.. it didn't last there. Things happened, i'm not quite sure what, but people came and took us to a prison, said it wasn't safe at Woodbury anymore."

"How did you feel about that?"

Eve shrugs. "I didn't really care, i never liked it there anyway. It.. it didn't seem real."

"So when you got to the prison, how was it there?"

"It felt.. better. No one was pretending. I said that i felt bad at first yesterday, but.. i remembered, Rick had a son, and a baby girl.. named Judith. And, when he left yesterday, i thought, a guy that keeps a baby alive, in a world like this, surely he'd have to be good, right?"

"What do _you_ think?"

"Well, he'd _have_ to be. The prison got destroyed, so he would've been out on the road, with a baby crying every five minutes." Eve shakes her head. "He _has_ to be good."

"I agree. Raising a baby, on the road, that takes a certain kinda person to do that," Carson says.

"Anyway, it just, made me think. Maybe he isn't wearing a mask, maybe he _is_ a good guy."

Carson smiles. "I think you've just made some real progress there."

"Really?" She smiles proudly.

"Yeah. You're applying rational thought to a situation where normally, you'd refuse to. That's progress, Eve. Of course, this is gonna be a long road, there are gonna be setbacks, but you're on the right track."

* * *

Negan sits across from Eve, wolfing down his food with a contented smile.

"So, how did your talk with Carson go?"

Negan's fork freezes in mid air, his mouth slightly agape as he racks his brain, trying to think of an appropriate response that won't anger her. "I.." He places his fork down, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Negan tilts his head. "I'm sorry. I just felt-"

"It's alright," Eve assures him.

"Oh.. erm, really?" Negan raises an eyebrow.

Eve nods. "You were looking out for me, i get it. Just.. try not to keep stuff from me. I'm most likely always gonna find out, and i'd much rather find out from you."

"Of course, and again, really fucking sorry." Eve smiles before going back to eating her food. "I spoke to Rick earlier." She looks up from her plate, appearing a little shamefaced. "He said not to worry, Judith's fine. _And,_ he said she can come round sometime, help us out in the garden."

"He said that?" She asks, surprised to say the least.

"Yeah. I'd have to be there of course, but, i'm always fucking there, so." Negan shrugs.

"I was thinking, maybe i could talk to that woman you told me about?"

"Marie?" Eve nods in reply. "Well, i think that's a fucking fantastic idea." Negan smiles. "I'll have a word tomorrow."

* * *

Negan steps out of the bathroom, making his way to bed. As he takes off his t-shirt, tossing it to the floor, he hears a rustling coming from his closet.

"Eve?"

"Yeah?"

Negan raises an eyebrow. "What are you doing in there?"

"I'm.. getting changed," she says, her voice muffled.

"Oh?"

Eve steps out of the closet, wearing a white vest and a pair of grey shorts. "I.. i didn't think you'd mind.. or do you?"

"Fuck no. Are.. are you sleeping in here?" Negan gestures towards his bed, clearly under the impression that last night was a one off. "Because i can get an extra blanket. I don't want you getting cold, and i know how you.. you know, don't like to be under the covers.. together.. the both of us.." Negan rubs at his temples. "Shit, i'm really fucking bad at this."

"You're not." Eve smiles. "And yes, i'd appreciate a blanket."

"Okay." Negan makes his way to the closet, grabbing a blanket. "If you want, i can sleep on top of the covers, and you can sleep underneath?"

Eve shakes her head. "No, i like it the way it is."

"Sure." Negan hands her the blanket before turning to take off his pants. He shuffles under the covers. "I can put something else on if you want? If that'd make you feel more comfortable?"

"I'm fine," she says, getting in beside him.

Negan wonders if she's going to kiss him again. He tries to push that thought far from his mind, partly because he doesn't want to expect anything from her, and partly because it takes him back to having to relieve his hard-on that very morning in the bathroom, and the last thing he wants is to scare her off.

She _does_ kiss him, but only on the cheek. Nonetheless, her lips linger a few moments, giving him a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 _Jesus fucking Christ! You're acting like you're straight out of a fucking chick flick!_ Negan thinks. But as she lays down beside him, her arm draped over his stomach, he couldn't care less. He can't remember a time since the world turned to shit, that he was this happy.


	17. Chapter 17

"Honey, we don't have to talk about it. We can just sit here and gossip." She leans forward a little. "I could give you the lowdown on my neighbour, who i'm almost certain is getting it on with the guy down the street. Her husband is away a lot, goes fishing for days on end."

Eve looks up from her hands. "That.. almost sounds normal. I didn't think people did normal anymore."

"Well, you've been out there for a good while. But some of the people behind these walls haven't been out there at all," Marie says. "The world never stopped being normal for them, not really."

"You were out there," Eve says.

"Yeah, i was. I had a rough time of it too. Not as bad as you from the looks of it, but rough all the same."

"How did you get over it?"

Marie sighs deeply, offering her a sympathetic smile. "I don't think you ever really get over it. It's always there. You just, make room for it, so it doesn't consume you. Having a good man helps, someone who understands."

"Is your husband a good man?"

"Yeah, he is." Marie smiles. "I've gotta be honest with you. I was real surprised to hear how Negan is with you, it still surprises me now."

"Is that because you think he's bad?"

"No. He's done a lot of bad stuff, but i don't think he was ever one to hurt women. However, his reputation with women is why i'm so surprised. For a man to go from having all those wives, to being with just one woman, and a troubled one at that."

"Wives?" Eve frowns.

Marie stares at her. "Oh, shit. Did you not.." she rubs at her temples. "Sorry, i shouldn't have opened my mouth, i thought you knew."

"What do you mean _wive_ s?"

"Back when Negan was the leader of the Saviors, he had multiple wives. If i'd known he hadn't told you, i wouldn't have said anything." Marie tilts her head. "I can see from the look on your face that you're not too happy about it."

"Why.. why would he have more than one?"

Marie shrugs her shoulders. "I don't really know. I guess he had an appetite, and it's pretty common knowledge.. sorry."

"Don't be. I'd rather hear the truth."

"Don't be too hard on him," Marie says softly. "That was a _long_ time ago. He's not the same person he was back then. I mean, shit.. if he was, then he wouldn't be here."

"I just, i wish he'd told me that.. about the wives."

"He was probably embarrassed, or worried how you'd react. No one wants to hear that the guy they're with used to have multiple women on the go. You should talk to him about it though. Don't bottle it up, or it'll just eat at you."

"Can we talk about something else?" Eve shifts uncomfortably in her seat, her stomach rolling as she feels an overwhelming pang of jealousy.

"Sure." Marie smiles.

* * *

Eve watches Negan as he stirs a pot on the stove, humming a tune to himself.

She'd liked Marie. Granted, she hadn't liked her little revelation, but that aside, Marie had seemed nice, and it felt good to have someone who understood what she'd been through.

"Negan."

"Yeah, sweetie?" He smiles, swaying his hips a little as he adds salt to the pot.

"Why didn't you tell me you had multiple wives?"

The spoon drops to the floor with a clatter, splattering spaghetti sauce over his boots. "Shit." Negan grabs a cloth, quickly wiping up the mess, whilst cursing himself mentally as he tries to think of an explanation that won't have her running for the hills.

Eve sits on a stool, resting her arm against the counter top. "Negan."

He nods, rubbing the back of his neck a little shamefully. Negan wipes at his hands with the cloth as he sits down in front of her. "Things we're different back then, _i_ was different. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement, i wasn't forcing myself on them, i-"

Eve holds up a hand. "I know that," she interrupts, her jaw clenched.

Negan frowns a little, and his lips briefly curl up in the corners. "Are you.. jealous?"

"Yes," Eve answers bluntly.

Negan reaches for her hand, taking it in his. "You don't have to be jealous, Eve. You know how i feel about you."

Eve furrows her brows. "A man has needs, and from the sounds of it, you have the needs of ten men."

"Well, i'm not gonna lie, sweetheart. I do have one _hell_ of a fucking appetite." Negan smiles.

"And i'm not satisfying it."

Negan's face drops. "Hey. Don't say that. You mean _everything_ to me, and i'm not afraid to admit it either. And believe me, sweetheart, that's a big fucking deal for someone like me."

"I just.. i can't push myself to be what you want-"

"You _are_ what i fucking want, and more." Negan clears his throat. "Now, i'm sorry about the whole multiple wives thing. But, that's not me anymore, okay?"

Eve squeezes his hand, stroking her thumb over his. She leans forward, pressing her lips against his, lingering for a moment as she exhales deeply.

"I'll not lie, baby. I want you so fucking bad," Negan almost groans against her lips, brushing his nose against hers. "Like you wouldn't believe."

Eve shivers as he runs his hand through her hair, his thumb tracing her jaw line. "Can you wait for me?" She whispers. Negan answers her with a kiss, dragging his lips over hers, tugging gently on her bottom lip with his teeth.

"Fuck yeah i can. I'm not an animal.. unless you want me to be." He smirks. Eve giggles, and to him, it's the most beautiful sound in existence.

"I do want you, Negan. Sometimes, i want you so much it hurts. I want nothing more than to give myself to you," she whispers. Negan's skin breaks out in gooseflesh, and he groans lowly, her head tipping back as he tugs on a handful of her hair. Eve gazes up at him, his eyes full of want as he gazes back down at her. She curses the other side of her that won't allow him to have her, wishing she could banish it and be rid of it forever. Eve lifts her hand, stroking his cheek, his beard tickling her fingers. "I think.. i think i do.. love you. I just.. everything's just messy."

Negan rests his forehead against hers. "I don't want you to say that, not until you're sure. Promise me you won't say it again until you're sure."

"I promise."

* * *

Eve washes the dirt from her hands, Judith stood on a stool beside her.

"Can i keep those?" Judith gestures towards the flowers on the countertop.

"Of course you can." Eve smiles.

"I wanna give them to mommy, she'll like them."

"I'm sure she will."

Negan watches them both from the hall with a smile.

"Do _you_ have a mommy?" Judith questions.

"I did, but she passed on a long time ago."

"Was she bit?"

Eve shakes her head. "No, she died before all of this. She got sick, and she didn't get better."

"Did she have a tummy bug?"

Eve looks down at her, clearing her throat. "No, sweetie. It wasn't a tummy bug." She jumps a little at a knock at the door.

Negan holds up a hand. "It's alright. Probably just Rick coming to collect Judith."

Eve squeezes the towel nervously in her hands as Rick steps into the hall, looking at Judith with a smile.

"Hey, you getting all washed up?" Rick smiles.

Judith skips over to the countertop, grabbing the bunch of flowers she'd picked. "I got these for mommy."

"She's gonna love those." Rick holds out an arm, resting his hand against Judith's shoulder as she shows him the flowers proudly.

"Can i come back again? It was fun. Uncle Negan said the strawberries might be ready in another week."

Rick raises an eyebrow. "Uncle Negan?"

"Not my doing." Negan smiles.

"Sure," Rick says sarcastically. "Well, we'd better be going. Thanks for having her."

"No problem. We had fun, didn't we, Judith?"

Judith nods in reply.

"Thank you."

Negan and Rick turn their heads towards Eve in surprise.

She stands there, playing nervously with her hands. "We.. we loved having her here. She's precious, and she must mean the world to you. So.. thank you.. for trusting us with her."

Rick nods. "You're welcome."

Negan sees them out, making his way back to the kitchen.

"You okay?" He asks, glancing down at her hands, her knuckles white.

Eve nods. "I think so."

Negan holds out his hand, Eve accepting it before he pulls her close. She rests her head against his chest, sighing contentedly as he wraps his arms around her.

* * *

Jesus leans against the white balcony, smiling down at Hershel as he paints a picture of what appears to be flowers.

"You going back out?" She asks.

Jesus shakes his head. "Not till tomorrow."

"Is it the Saviors?" She frowns, not in the mood to hear anything that concerns them.

"No. Actually, it's the guy new guy."

"Craig?"

"No. The guy we found out the road a few weeks ago, Josh."

"What about him?"

"He's.." Jesus shakes his head. "He's got some issues."

"Haven't we all?" She points out.

"Yeah. But, this is different. It's like.. he's not really here."

"What do you mean?"

"In his head. It's like he's somewhere else. And, it's as if he sees things that aren't there."

"Did you take him to see Siddiq?"

"Jo took him. Siddiq said he's suffering some kind of PTSD. But, he's not exactly an expert in that kinda stuff. I was thinking Carson might be best taking a look at him. Apparently he's working wonders with that feral girl Rick and Negan took in."

Maggie's jaw visibly clenches at the mention of _his_ name, her grip on Hershel tightens.

Jesus drops his head. "Sorry."

"How bad is he?" Maggie questions.

"Well, he's alright. We've got him working the fields mostly, and he's good at it. He hasn't caused any trouble. But, i'm worried it's only a matter of time before he does something that might get someone hurt. He needs help."

Maggie nods in agreement. "I'll send a request to Alexandria. See if they can spare Carson for a day or so. In the meantime, i'll have someone keep an eye on him."

* * *

Maggie knocks on the door of a dusky, grey trailer. Hilltop is quiet, only the two guards standing atop the tall gates as the sun begins to set.

A skinny, babyfaced guy answers the door, a scruff of strawberry blonde curls hanging over his blue eyes, the whites stained a dull red. Maggie wonders if he's been crying, but it's just as likely to be from lack of sleep.

"Hi. We haven't met. I'm Maggie Rhee." She offers her hand. He glances down at it as if he were looking at some difficult math problem, before he shakes his head and accepts her hand briefly.

"Josh."

"How are you settling in?" Maggie asks.

Josh looks over her shoulder, and Maggie has to force herself not to turn around, his brows furrowed as if he had seen something strange behind her. "I'm settling in fine."

"Can i come inside? I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure." He nods, stepping aside.

Maggie sits down at what had once been a garden table, that being the only stick of furniture they'd had spare upon his arrival. Josh sits down in front of her, his look somewhat downcast.

"I'm gonna be honest, Josh. People have come to me, they're worried about you."

Josh looks up at her, his eyes wide. "Me? They're worried about _me_?"

"Yes, and i can see why. You looked over my shoulder just now, and it scared the hell outta me."

"I'm sorry. I.. my mind tends to wander."

"Maybe. But i'm sending for the Doctor from Alexandria."

"You don't have to do that."

"I do. If not for you, for my people. I can't risk you freaking out and maybe hurting someone."

Josh nods, looking down at his hands as he plays with them nervously.

"What happened to you out there?" Maggie asks, unsure whether she wants to know the answer.

"Nothing.. nothing happened to me."

* * *

"Hey, Carson, what's up?" Negan asks as he leans against the door frame.

"Is Eve home?" Carson shakes his head as he realises how stupid that sounds. "I meant-"

"I know what you meant, Doc. She's in the bathroom, probably taking a shit, since it's about the only thing she doesn't seem to need my supervision for. Thank fuck."

"Erm.. okay. Will you let her know i won't be able to make our session tomorrow?"

"Why the fuck can't you make the session?" Negan frowns.

"I'm gonna be gone for a few days, i'm needed up at Hilltop."

"Fuck Hilltop. Eve needs you."

"Negan, i'm sure she can manage for a few days. We've seen a lot of improvement with Eve."

"Yeah, but that can fucking change in a heartbeat," Negan points out.

"She'll be fine."

"The fuck do they want you for anyway? Don't they have a doctor?"

"They do. But apparently they brought in a guy who may or may not have PTSD."

"Well, watch your fucking ass out there. Make sure you come back in one fucking piece."

"You almost sound like you care." Carson smiles.

"Yeah, don't push it, asshole." Negan smirks. "Alright. I'll let her know once she's off the shitter. Seeya, Doc."

"Seeya." Carson nods, heading down the porch steps.


	18. Chapter 18

Negan wakes, Eve whimpering lightly by his side.

She woke him most nights, and usually all it took was him wrapping an arm around her to get her to settle again. But as tears stream down her cheeks, he knows he'll have to wake her.

"Eve." Negan shakes her gently.

She flinches away from him, her eyes wide and almost animal like. Negan's heart aches, as he's reminded of how she was when they first found her.

"It's okay, Eve. I'm here. It was just a dream."

Her face softens, and she offers him a weak smile. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

Eve runs a hand through her hair, sitting up atop the covers with just a thin sheet covering her. "I need to see Carson tomorrow."

"Shit. I forgot to tell you. He's gonna be gone for a few days."

"What? But, i need to talk to him."

Negan rubs her back. "I know that, sweetheart. But someone at Hilltop needs him. He'll be back soon."

Eve nods in disappointment.

"You can always talk to me.. if you want to."

She looks at him, her brows furrowed. "I don't know."

"You don't have to."

"It's.. my dreams. They've changed."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

Eve shakes her head. "I'm not sure it is. I.." she drops her head, tears on the brink.

"Hey." Negan sits up, wrapping an arm around her waist. "What is it?"

"It's.. the man i killed. Gareth. He comes to me in my dreams, and he's asking me why. Why did i do that to him?" Tears spill down her cheeks. "I wish i hadn't. I wasn't thinking straight. But none of that matters, because he's gone, and that's on _me._ "

"I.." Negan drops his head, not wanting to lie to her. "He _is_ gone, and it _is_ on you," he says softly. "But.. you're gonna make it right. The more you make it right, the easier it'll get, i promise."

Eve nods. "I wanna make it right, i do." Negan smiles, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "Im sorry i woke you."

"Don't be silly. I was having a shitty dream myself."

"What was it? Was it your wife?"

"No actually, it was you. I.. i keep dreaming about the cabin. I can.." Negan shakes his head. "Fuck this, you don't need to hear this shit."

Eve curls her fingers round the back of his neck. "Yes, i do. I wanna hear it."

"I.. can hear you.. screaming. I'm trying to get to you, but i can't. Every step i take forward just puts me three fucking steps back."

"You wanna save me.. you already have." Eve kisses him softly, stroking his hair.

"I think you saved _me,_ " Negan says, brushing his nose against hers.

"We're saving each other." She smiles. "It's still late, we should go back to sleep."

Negan wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her close as she buries her head in his chest.

* * *

"We're nearly there."

"Yes, i know that. I _have_ been to Hilltop before, i used to live there," Carson snipes.

"Alright.. Jesus, who rattled your chain?"

Carson rubs at his eyes. "Right.. i'm sorry. I'm just tired, and it's been raining non-stop for the last twenty-four hours."

"Yeah, and i've been right here. I'm just as soggy and miserable as _you_ are."

Carson nods. "Again, i'm sorry."

They had set off on their cart for Hilltop the day before, with the intention of arriving at Hilltop just before dark. But the rains had come, slowing the horses considerably. So after four hours of travelling, and barely covering six miles, they'd admitted defeat and found a barn to spend the night.

They'd set off again just after dawn, neither wanting to travel in the dark.

"So how come you moved to Alexandria?"

Carson smiles. "Siddiq fell in love with a woman at Hilltop. She didn't want to leave, so he moved there. I didn't want to leave a community without a doctor."

"You ever miss Hilltop?"

"Sometimes. But i like Alexandria. It's as good a place as any." Carson shifts uncomfortably on the horse cart. He honestly can't remember a time when he was _this_ uncomfortable. His clothes are soaked, and he'd made the mistake of wearing sneakers, and now they were rubbing painfully against his toes.

"Christ.. i can't wait to get there. I need fresh clothes, a nice, warm fire, and a cup of hot cocoa."

"Same, except you can replace the cocoa with a glass of Whiskey." Carson says.

His companion shakes his head. "I never liked drinking. Give me a hot cocoa any day."

"Well, i'd take either at this point."

"We need this rain. Was only complaining the other day that the wells were running low."

"Yeah. I just wish it could've waited till we didn't have to travel twenty miles by horse," Carson grumbles.

They arrive at Hilltop thirty minutes later, both shivering like a pair of drowned rats. But after a change of clothes, and a large glass of Whiskey, Carson finds himself feeling much more cheerful as he sits with Maggie.

"It's been a while." She smiles.

"It has. How are things here?" He asks.

"They're good. We're thankful for the rain, crops couldn't take another dry day."

"So this guy you wanted me to check out.. Josh was it?"

"Yeah. Jesus found him out on the road a few weeks ago. I spoke with him, and he's.. it's as if he's seeing things."

Carson nods. "Well, i'll finish this glass, and then i'll go pay him a visit."

"Are you staying long?"

"No longer than i have to. I don't wanna leave Alexandria without a doctor, and Eve needs me." Carson raises an eyebrow as Maggie visibly stiffens. "You have a problem with her?"

"Not her."

"Ahh. So it's the company she keeps." Carson rises to his feet. "Well, i'm not about to sing his praises to you of all people. I'll go see my patient."

* * *

Carson knocks at the trailer door, hoping he'll get an answer before he ends up soaked again.

The door opens, a young, skinny looking man stepping aside without so much as a hello.

Carson steps inside, sitting down in a plastic chair. "Maggie told you i was coming?"

"Yeah," Josh replies, sitting down in the chair apposite.

"She says you've been seeing things.. is that true?"

Josh shrugs. "I don't know.. sometimes."

"You look pretty tired, Josh. How are you sleeping?"

"Okay."

Carson raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

Josh lets out a titter, running a hand over his face. "You got me there." He shakes his head. "I.. i'm not sleeping well at all. Haven't done for a long time."

"Bad dreams?"

Josh snorts. "And then some."

"What do you dream about?"

"Just.. things that have happened.. things i've done." Josh looks off in the distance, his eyes suddenly glassy.

"We've all had to do things, wouldn't be alive if we hadn't," Carson points out.

Josh shakes his head. "I shouldn't be alive."

Carson leans forward, resting his elbows against his knees. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't deserve to be.. you don't know what i've done," Josh says, his eyes wide.

"Try me."

* * *

Eve sits on the sofa, watching raindrops race lazily down the window. She'd asked Negan to open the curtains the day before, and though she'd slunk down on the sofa every time someone had walked by, she'd insisted they remain open.

"You wanna do something to pass the time?" Negan asks as he walks in from the kitchen, placing two coffees down on the table.

"Like what?"

Negan bites on his lip, his mind a pool of filth. "I think there might be some old board games somewhere. Let me go see."

Negan comes back with a tatty, old box in his arms, dropping it on the carpet as he sits on the sofa. "Lets see what we have here.. operation, snakes and ladders, monopoly."

"Let's play that."

"Monopoly? You sure? Because we could be here till fucking new years with that fucker."

"You worried you're gonna lose?" She teases.

Negan snorts. " _Me.. lose.._ i don't fucking think so." He lays out the board on the carpet. "Let's get fucking started."

"Fuck, fucking, cock sucking, mother fucker!" Negan throws the card onto the carpet, his face an angry shade of red. "That's fucking bullshit! I've had fucking three of those."

"And now you've had four." Eve giggles. "Now off you go." She smiles, pushing his iron across the board and sending it to jail.

"Have you messed with these cards?" Negan frowns.

"Wow! You're a really bad loser."

Negan stares at her, pouting childishly. " _I am not.._ i just.. don't like when people don't play fair."

"Which i am. It's not my fault you're rubbish at monopoly."

Negan opens his mouth and closes it quickly. He really did hate to lose, and if it were anyone else he'd have tossed the board across the room. "What the fuck ever, it's a shitty game anyway."

"Shitty because you're losing?"

"Shitty because it's a stupid fucking game," Negan grumbles.

Eve shuffles over to him. "You're cute, you know that?" She smiles, pressing her lips against his.

Negan almost forgets to breathe for a moment, his bad mood suddenly forgotten. "Of course i'm fucking cute.. that's why women can't resist me." He smiles, brushing his lips against hers.

Eve snakes her hands around his neck, kissing him fiercely, Negan letting out a deep groan as she rolls her tongue over his.

He furrows his brows, his cock rubbing more and more uncomfortably against his boxers with every touch of her hand on his neck. He trails his hands down her waist, letting them hover for a moment, then his hormones get the better of him as he lowers them to her ass, squeezing gently.

Eve stiffens, pulling away from him a little. She looks up at him, as if she were waiting for him to yell or chastise her. "I.. i'm sorry."

"No.. don't be. That was my bad. I got fucking carried away. It's just.. i'm an ass man. And you have the peachiest little ass.." Negan bites on his lip. "Anyway, i got a little more fucking gropey than i should have."

Eve shakes her head. "You didn't. It's just me.. i just. I fucking ruin everything!" She snaps, dropping her head.

"Hey." Negan places his fingers under her chin, wiping at a tear rolling down her cheek. "Don't do that. You didn't ruin _anything._ We're just.. right now, we're testing boundaries." Negan chews on his lip. "Clearly i don't fucking have any. I mean, i'd let you do pretty much fucking anything.. i'd probably let you finger fuck my fucking asshole if it got me in your.." Negan looks at her, Eve's eyes wide. "I went too far didn't i?"

"Just a bit." She smiles, blushing a little.

"Sorry, i have a habit of doing that. It's one of my flaws."

"I don't think it is. I think it's cute.. in a weird, vile way, and kinda funny.. and it's honest," she says, taking his hand.

"Well i'm glad you see it that way." Negan smiles. "I'm not saying i _want_ you to finger f-"

"You're doing it again," she cuts in.

"Oh.. sorry. Anyway, my point is. We're testing boundaries, and sometimes, i'm gonna cross the line. And, you can't keep apologising when i do. You just.. slap my fucking hand or some shit, then i'll know i got carried away. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry."

"I'll try not to be." Eve smiles. "You wanna keep playing?"

"Fuck no. I meant what i said, this game is shit. Let's play something else."

* * *

"You don't wanna know.. you won't understand," Josh says.

"Like i said, try me."

"I.. there was a woman. I got her killed.. or worse."

"What do you mean?" Carson asks patiently.

"I was weak.. and afraid. I.. i went back for her, i did!" Josh yells, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I fucking swear i did!"

Carson holds up a hand. "Okay, it's alright. Just, try and calm down. Killed or worse, what does _that_ mean? Was it walkers? Because.. so many of us have been there. I myself have been there." Carson swallows thickly. "I've been out on the road with people, herd comes by, and.. then they're gone. And you blame yourself.. even though there's nothing you could have done."

Josh shakes his head. "It wasn't walkers. It.. we were being held at gunpoint.. and they wanted her.." Carson's eyes widen as he suddenly connects the dots, his stomach rolling sickly. "I would've died, i would have, then they would've taken her anyway. But.. i let them take her."

Carson rises quickly, the backs of his legs knocking the plastic chair over. "You're Josh.. _the_ Josh."

Josh wipes at his eyes. "What?"

"I've got to go," Carson says, racing through the door before Josh has the chance to say anything more.


	19. Chapter 19

Carson stuffs his damp clothes in his beaten backpack and hangs it over one shoulder.

"Carson, what are you doing?" Maggie frowns. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah."

"But you just got here," she says in disbelief.

"I can't help him."

"What.. why?"

Carson takes a step forward. "Josh, is the same Josh that handed Eve over to those two Saviors.. no wonder he's having bad dreams," Carson says to himself.

"Wait, are you sure."

"Yes, i'm sure."

"Well, just wait a minute, what did he say?"

Carson drops his backpack on the floor, running a hand through his hair. "He said enough, Maggie. I know who he is. He _did_ say that he went back for her. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Either way, i don't care."

"So you won't treat him?"

"No, i won't. There's a doctor at the Kingdom that might be able to help, but i'll have nothing more to do with it."

"You're a doctor, i thought you're supposed to treat everyone?"

"This is different, Maggie. What he _did_.. i get he was afraid, i really do. But i can't sit there and listen to his shit, not after listening to everything Eve went through because of his actions."

"Are you refusing because of _him,_ " Maggie says, her face appearing as if she'd sucked on a lemon.

"Negan?" Maggie turns away, glancing out of the window. "No, i'm refusing for _her._ I actually tried to get her to pity him, i wasn't doing that for Josh, i was doing it for her. Josh is right, he doesn't deserve to be alive."

"What am i supposed to do with him?"

"I don't care, Maggie. Exile him, get him treatment, makes no difference to me." Carson picks up his backpack, turning to leave.

Maggie grabs his arm lightly. "Are you gonna tell them?"

Carson turns to her with a frown. "And what good what that do? Negan would kill him, and then you'd kill Negan, God knows what Eve would do. No good can come from them knowing. I'll tell you something, Maggie. If i thought killing Josh would help her, i'd let them do it. But it won't. If Eve knows he's still alive, it could set her right back, and i won't do that to her. She's come so far. You'll just have to make sure Josh doesn't find out about Eve, because if he does something stupid like trying to come to Alexandria, that'll be the last thing he does."

* * *

"I might have to go out on a run soon."

Eve looks over at Negan, her eyes wide and needy. "Why?"

Negan shuffles closer to Eve on the sofa, taking her hand in his. "That's what i do, sweetheart. Everyone has to contribute in some way, otherwise you're just dead fucking weight."

"Is that what _i_ am? Dead weight?"

Negan frowns. "Fuck no. I do enough for the both of us. And, i'm pretty sure you'll find your place here eventually. You just need some time, and time is all we fucking have. It's not just about earning my place though, it's about doing what needs to be done. Winter's gonna be here before we fucking know it, and we need to squirrel away as much as we fucking can. That means all hands on deck."

"It's still summer."

"Trust me, baby. It has a way of sneaking up on you. Last winter was cold as fucking shit, and it was a white one. Makes it harder to get out and trade with the other communities. We need to stock up on shit. Make sure the fucking store cupboards are full."

Eve nods. "Will you be gone long?"

Negan shakes his head. "I shouldn't be. It's not like i'm going out there looking for food. Any food that's out there now would do more harm than good. We need materials and shit."

"What for?"

Negan chuckles. "To make stuff. The Kingdom's got a little glass factory going, so they need sand or some shit, which means they need big strong men like me." He smirks. "They make jars. Which means we can store whatever we produce, which means we'll eat over the winter.. if we get our asses in gear. The longest part is getting the shit to the Kingdom. I might be gone a few days."

Eve wraps her arms around his neck, burying her head in the crook of his shoulder. "That's too long. What am i gonna do on my own?"

Negan runs a hand through her hair. "You'll be okay. You've got Marie, and Carson when he gets back."

"What if you don't come back?" Eve nuzzles her nose against his neck.

"I always fucking come back. I _do_ know what i'm doing out there." Negan smiles, her breath hot against his neck. Eve crawls into his lap, resting her head against his chest. Negan winces a little, her ass brushing his crotch almost tortuously.

Eve gazes up at him, her arms curled round his neck. "I wish i were better. I could go with you then, couldn't i?"

Negan kisses the tip of her nose. "Of course you could. Soon as you're better with other people, you'll be right there by my side. I'd fucking insist on it. Try not to worry too much, it's not for a few days."

* * *

The rain had cleared, and Carson had made good time getting back, arriving at Alexandria just before dark.

Rick opens the gate with a frown. "The hell you doing back so soon?"

Carson shakes his head, stepping to one side. He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. "The patient she wanted me to look at.. it was Josh."

"Josh? Am i supposed to know who.." Rick takes a good look at Carson, his features tired and somewhat weather beaten. He appears almost sombre. "Wait.. you don't mean.. the same Josh that left Eve?" He asks in disbelief. Carson nods in reply. "Oh, shit!" Rick runs a hand over his face, his beard scratching like sandpaper against his hand. "Did you tell Maggie?"

"Yes. I'm not sure what she's gonna do, if anything at all. But, i told her it's in the best interests of everyone involved, that no one finds out."

"You think?" Rick says sarcastically. "Shit! If Negan finds out about this, he'll go straight to Hilltop. This could start a war."

"Whilst i agree it's best he doesn't find out, i think a war might be a bit of an exaggeration."

"I disagree. Negan is one of _us_ now. He might not think it, but he is. He's done his time, and he contributes to the community, more so than others. He goes there, Maggie _will_ kill him, and i can't allow that. And Eve.." Rick shakes his head. "God knows what she'll do."

"So we tell them nothing."

Rick nods. "I think that's a good idea."

"What are we gonna do if they find out?"

"Thankfully, the odds on that happening are slim. Negan never goes to Hilltop, Eve is never gonna go to Hilltop either, i'll make sure of that. I'll need to talk with Maggie, make sure Josh never gets anywhere near here." Rick glances at Carson. "How was he? I'm not asking because i care, i'm just curious."

"Not good. He's got some shit going on, but it's not my problem. I told Maggie to have the doctor from the Kingdom take a look at him."

" _Can_ you keep this to yourself?"

"I have to. Eve can't know. Listen, Rick. I'm tired. I just wanna get showered, and sleep for a week."

* * *

Negan heads down his porch steps, the night air surprisingly cool against his skin. Seeing a light on at Rick's, he crosses over, knocking at his door.

"Negan." Rick nods.

"Hey, Rick." Negan stands there with his hands in his pockets. "You erm.. you got any womens shit?"

"Womens shit?"

"You know, fucking towels or what the fuck ever they use. Eve just got her period and she's all out of womens shit. I was gonna go over to the infirmary, but i saw your light was on. Thought it might save me a fucking journey."

"Erm.. i think Michonne has some, come in." Rick steps aside before making his way up the stairs.

Negan stands in the hall, whistling to himself as Rick rummages through the bathroom cabinet. He heads back downstairs with a couple of boxes in his arms.

"Here, these should be alright."

"Thanks, Rick." Negan glances at the box. "Thank fuck i'm not a woman. Could you imagine that, Rick? Bleeding every fucking month for a week?"

"Erm.. no."

"And then you've got fucking stomach cramps, backache." Negan shakes his head. "Makes having a pair of nuts seem like fuck all. All the years i was married, i never really took much fucking notice of this shit. It's different when you have someone that depends on you though."

"Yeah, i'm sure it is," Rick says uncomfortably.

"You know what gets blood out of a duvet cover?"

Rick rubs at his temples. "Cold water?"

"Yeah, i'll try that. You think-"

"Can we change the topic?" Rick almost pleads.

"Sure.. didn't think you were so squeamish."

"I'm not, but i'd rather not discuss periods with you if it's all the same. _Actually_ , i need to talk to you about the run to Oceanside."

"What about it?" Negan asks.

"It's been pushed forward to tomorrow."

"What? You're fucking shitting me?" Negan frowns.

Rick shakes his head. "Sorry."

"The fuck am i supposed to tell Eve? I told her it wasn't for a few days."

"It needs to be done sooner rather than later. Guy at Hilltop reckons we're gonna have a cold winter, and an early one at that."

"The fuck does _he_ know?"

"Hey, he's more reliable than the weathermen back in the day. He hasn't gotten it wrong _yet._ We need to get this shit done, that way there's less to worry about."

Negan pinches the bridge of his nose, holding the boxes in the crook of his arm. "I don't like the thought of her being alone for so long."

"She won't be. There's Marie, and Carson's back."

"Carson's back? Already?"

"Yeah. The guy wasn't as bad as they thought."

"Well that's something. I thought he was gonna be gone at least a week. Alright, guess i'd best go break the news to Eve. Fuck! I hope she doesn't get mad at me.. she's hormonal as shit."

Rick holds up a hand. "Yeah, i wouldn't go saying that to her. Women don't like being told they're hormonal."

"Good call." He nods before heading through the door.

* * *

"You said you wasn't going for a few days." Eve pouts, sitting on the bed with her legs crossed.

"I know. Rick _just_ fucking told me. If i didn't have to go, i wouldn't, Eve, believe me. I'd much rather stay here with _you_.. even if you _are_ all hormonal."

Eve looks at him, her eyes lit with a fire he hasn't seen since he first brought her in. "What?"

 _Shit!_ "Nothing, i said nothing, sweetheart."

Eve smiles in spite of herself, his cheeks all flustered as he tries his best to backtrack. She rubs at her stomach as it tightens, wincing a little.

Negan rushes over to Eve, kneeling down beside her. "You want me to get you something? Hot water bottle?" Eve shakes her head. "Chocolate? I mean, i'd have to fucking steal some, but i'd do that, for you."

She giggles lightly. "No."

How about a hug? I give the best fucking hugs, so people tell me.. well, actually they don't exactly fucking tell me. I once went to hug Rick, and he just stared at me like I had herpes or some shit."

"Shut up." Eve laughs. "I'll take a hug."

Negan lays down beside Eve, pulling her close to him as he wraps an arm around her. He rests a hand against her stomach, and she sighs contentedly, the heat from his hand more comforting than an old water bottle any day.

"I wanted to ask you something actually," Negan says.

"What is it?"

"It's.. something i want you to do whilst i'm gone. You don't have to, but i'd appreciate it if you did." Eve nods for him to continue. "That box you found in the wardrobe.. i want you to bury it in the garden."

Eve leans up on her elbow. "Why?"

"I think i'm ready to move on, in fact, i know i am. I wanna put that part of my life behind me."

"All of it?"

Negan nods. "Not all of it was bad. Some of it was damn good in fact. But, it's time i moved on. You think you can do that for me?"

"Sure, as long as it's dark. I don't wanna go out in the day."

"Yeah, i figured that." Negan smiles. "You can look through it if you want to. That's up to you."

"Okay." Eve nods, before wrapping an arm around his waist. "I can do that."

* * *

~  
 **Author's note**

So this is a record for me, 19 chapters in and no smut. Obviously i don't want to rush it, Eve being the way she is, but it _is_ gonna happen, and I've had the exact scene in my head for a while, so bear with me lol. As always, i really appreciate feedback, even if it's just a few words, or even one word, it's what keeps me writing. Thanks for reading xx


	20. Chapter 20

Eve sits on the bed, Negan's shoebox in front of her with the lid down.

Negan had left at first light, and her heart had ached something fierce for him as he'd walked out the door.

She'd spent the first hour pining at the back door like a schoolgirl, then she'd dragged herself up off the floor, and grabbed a book off the shelf in the lounge to pass some time. Taking it upstairs, Eve had curled up on Negan's side of the bed, and spent ten minutes trying to get past the first page before she had given up, tossing the book on the bedside table. Then she'd taken the box from out of the closet, and there she sat for over an hour, just staring at it, debating whether to rifle through it's contents since Negan had given her permission.

She lifts the lid, that same leather bound notebook staring at her, enticing her to open it. She does, skipping to the page she had read previously.

 _'She's haunting my fucking dreams,'_ Eve reads. She turns the page.

 _'Things got ugly. I had to kill David. Little fucker tried raping that woman from Alexandria. Can't let that shit go, i WON'T have my Saviors doing shit like that. Kinda enjoyed killing him if i'm honest.'_

Eve lets out a deep breath, not sure how to feel. The next page is blank, along with the rest, so she places it next to the box.

She pulls out a card with ' _Happy Anniversary'_ written on the front, with a picture of a happy bear holding a balloon shaped like a love heart. Eve opens up the card, her heart sinking a little.

 _'Happy Anniversary, Asshole. I knew you'd forget.. again. Love always, Lucille.'_

There were two movie tickets, two concert tickets so faded she can't make out who they went to see, an empty bottle of perfume, and a hair clip in the shape of a butterfly.

Eve freezes for a moment, her heart skipping a beat as she looks down at a yellowed photograph of a woman sat on a park bench, Negan sitting beside her. The picture suddenly becomes a blur, Eve wiping at her eyes as she holds it in her hand. It's not jealousy but sadness that makes her feel sickly. The woman in the photo looks gravely ill, a headscarf covering what Eve assumes is the effects of chemotherapy, whilst the man beside her plasters on a fake smile, the pain in his eyes so obvious, it tugs at Eve's heart.

Eve wonders if there's a picture of Lucille from before she was ill, but she comes up empty as she shuffles through the remaining items in the box.

"Ow!" Eve pulls back her hand, a pinprick of blood falling from her fingertip. She sucks on it briefly before finding the offending item which had cut her, a small piece of what looks like barbed wire. Eve holds it between her finger and thumb with a frown, wondering why Negan would keep such a thing. Even so, she places it down carefully beside the other items.

There's a black drawstring bag with a gold wedding band inside, Negan's no doubt.

Eve also finds a rather large, and pretty cool looking bowie knife, which she's half tempted to keep, but she lays it down with the rest just the same.

Other items she can make no sense of include a bullet, an empty gum wrapper, and a silver whistle on a black piece of string.

The last item is another diary, this one red, and much smaller than the other. Eve opens the diary, turning to the first page.

 _'Fuck you, prick. I know you only gave this to me so you can see what's going on in my head. Well, the only thought i've got in my head right now is taking a big steaming shit in my bedpan, and i look forward to watching your eyes water tomorrow when you have to clean the fucker.'_

Eve frowns, reading down further.

 _'So it's day five fucking thousand of being locked up in this shithole, (probably day 60, but what the fuck ever) and Rick the prick thinks he's got it all figured out. I won't be in here for long, that's for fucking sure. Just you fucking wait, asshole.'_

 _'Rick told me they've got Simon in charge.. the fuck is that about?! It'll never fucking last. They need me. When i get out, i'm divorcing my wives, that's for fucking sure. 3 months and not one fucking visit, the fuck is that? Not even a little fucking pity rub through the bars or fuck all? Fuckers.'_

 _'I can't do this.'_

 _'Ignore that last part, i CAN fucking do this. Piece of fucking piss. Speaking of piss, i might just piss the bed, give Rick the prick something to do.'_

 _'They still won't tell me where she is. Fuckers! Don't worry, i'll find you, baby."_

Eve wonders who he could be talking about. Maybe one of his wives he was most fond of? Or maybe even a mistress? A man with multiple wives probably thought nothing of having a mistress.

 _'Rick says it's only been six months.. SIX FUCKING MONTHS! I thought it'd been at least triple that. I've had zero fucking visits from anyone. I kept an entire fucking group alive, and none of them give a fucking shit! Well fuck them! I don't need those fuckers!'_

 _'Carson paid me a visit. Asked me if i wanted to talk about my feelings and shit. I said the only feeling i have is sexual frustration, and if he really wanted to help me, to send me a woman to give me a little medical attention through the bars.. he left straight after. Kinda wish he hadn't, it was nice having someone other than Rick the prick to talk to.'_

 _'The fuck do i write in here for? What's the point?'_

 _'Rick took my books.. fucking fucker! If i don't wanna eat, then what the fuck is it to him? Said i can have them back once i start eating again. Fuck him!'_

 _'I miss her, i wish she were here.. actually, i don't. Fuck if i'd let her see me like this. I wish i was with her.'_

 _'Why won't they just let me die?! Rick gets off on having me in here, i fucking know it! Why can't they just let me fucking die in peace?'_

Eve wipes at a tear rolling down her cheek, turning to the next page but coming up empty. That was his last entry, and she wonders how he got to where he is now.

She jumps a little at a knock on the back door. _Negan?_ She wonders, quickly realising it can't possibly be him, since he'd only left that morning.

Eve makes her way downstairs, peeking round the bannister towards the back door. "Who is it?" She calls.

"Hey, it's Rick. We had some pie left over from dinner, thought you might be hungry. I'll just leave it on the step."

Eve listens to the sound of his boots walking down the steps. "Wait!" She shouts, walking over to the door.

"Everything okay?" Rick asks.

"Yeah.. i. Just wait a minute." Eve rushes over to the kitchen, grabbing a large kitchen knife. "You still there?"

"Yeah, i'm here."

Eve turns the lock and slowly opens the door, peeking out through a small gap. Rick stares at her in surprise, clearing his throat as he glances down at the knife in her hand. It's a kitchen knife, but it would do enough damage no doubt.

"That's for the pie i hope." Rick smiles uncomfortably.

"It's for the pie as long as you don't try anything," Eve warns him. Her face softens a little. "I.. would you come inside? I want to talk to you."

Rick thinks that's the last thing he wants, knowing full well that the knife she has in her hand could very easily end up in his throat. "Okay." He nods, leaning down to pick up the pie.

Eve steps inside. "Lock the door behind you."

Rick locks the door and follows her to the kitchen, leaning against the archway.

Eve sits down by the kitchen counter, gesturing towards the stool in front of her. Rick pulls the stool a safe distance, glancing at the knife she'd placed on the countertop. His face falls as she plays nervously with her hands, appearing to be shaking a little, and he suddenly remembers how big of a deal it is that she's invited him into her home, so perhaps it's okay that she has a knife on the counter. "Here." Rick takes the gun from his hip, Eve's eyes widening for a moment till he holds it out to her handle first. "If it'll make you feel more comfortable."

"Oh." Eve takes his gun, placing it next to the knife. "Thank you."

Rick nods. "So what did you wanna talk about? It must be something important for you to let me in like this."

Eve shrugs her shoulders. "It's probably not important to you, but it is to me. I wanted to ask you about Negan, and i want you to promise you'll tell me no lies."

Rick raises an eyebrow. "Okay. What do you wanna know?"

"How did he end up in that cell? What did he do?"

"Negan hasn't said?"

"He's said _some_ things, and that he deserved to be there. But i want _you_ to tell me. We've all done things, so what did _he_ do that was worse?"

Rick drums his fingers against the countertop, thinking how best to answer. "It's not just about the lives he took. Like you said, we've all done things, i've lost count of the lives i've taken over the years. It's about how he gave all the communities no choice. He took half of what everyone had, and if they didn't pay up, people paid with their lives."

"Did your people pay with their lives?"

"It.." Rick rubs at his temples briefly. " _I_ felt responsible. We attacked them first. We heard about the Saviors, and what we heard wasn't anything good."

"I can understand that," Eve whispers, reflecting briefly on her own encounter with the Saviors.

"I suppose you can more than anyone. But what i did, it started a ripple. I watched two of my men die at Negan's hands, and it was brutal. They were _family_. After that, we tried giving them what they wanted, because i didn't wanna lose anyone else.. but it was only a matter of time. The communities came together, and we went to war with the Saviors."

"If you won, then why are they still here?"

"Because i realised that we couldn't carry on the way we were. Civilisation is the key to starting over, and you can't get there if you kill off every problem that comes your way. I came close to killing him. That scar on his neck.. i did that.. and Negan messed up my leg in the process. But, i stopped. I gave the Saviors a choice. We keep fighting, more people die, and we get nowhere. Or we work together, and we build something. So i locked Negan up, and the communities slowly started to heal. It wasn't easy, but we got there."

"How long was Negan locked up?"

"About three years. We came across a new group called the Whisperers, and i use the term _group_ lightly. They were savages. We lost twelve people because we crossed into their land. One of my people was angry, didn't like the way i was dealing with it, so they broke Negan out."

"Because they thought he could?"

"Yeah. He went out and joined their group, and then he came back here with their leader's head. I agreed not to put him back in his cell, on the condition that he fight on the front line during the Whisperer war."

"And you won."

"We did."

"So that's why he's here? Because he helped you win your war?" Eve asks.

"No. I exiled him straight after. Gave him enough food to fill his backpack, and sent him on his way. Told him if i ever saw him again, that'd be the end for him."

"So how is he here? What did he do that earned him his place?"

"A couple days later, a herd ripped through Alexandria. A few Whisperers that escaped during the war led it straight to us. Alexandria's a big place, everyone was everywhere. I.. i couldn't find Judith. The woman who'd been looking after her, Jane.. her house was overrun, and.. i thought she was gone." Rick swallows thickly, dropping his gaze briefly. "We waited it out for two days, till the other communities came to help. And they _all_ came to help, even the Saviors. Once the place was cleared, i went to the house where Judith had been, and i heard laughing coming from the attic. It was Judith." Rick smiles. "I can't tell you how that felt. To think your little girl is gone, and then to see her alive like that. I also can't tell you how it felt when she came out of that attic holding Negan's hand. He said he'd seen the herd, and he'd thought about walking away, but he couldn't. So he fought through them, and heard screams coming from Jane's house. It was too late for Jane, but he grabbed Judith and raced up to the attic. He went without food for those two days, so Judith wouldn't go hungry. He saved her. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Negan. So _that_ is how he earned his place. It doesn't matter how much time passes, i'll always feel bitter over the people that i lost to him. But we've all lost people, and i would've lost my little girl."

"Negan never told me about Judith. He told me a little about the Whisperers, but nothing about him being exiled."

"You know, for years, i'd lay in bed at night, wondering if i'd done the right thing. Keeping Negan alive. But in that moment, when i saw him coming out of the attic with Judith, it just.. it was gone. The pain wasn't gone, that's always there. But, i know i did the right thing."

"And what did everyone else think?"

Rick shakes his head. "It wasn't easy. Maggie, she refused to trade with us for a while, couldn't accept that he was part of our community."

"Who's Maggie?"

"She's the leader at Hilltop.. and she lost her husband to Negan. She still can't accept it, and i get that. Negan has never been to Hilltop, and he never will. If he goes there, i'm pretty sure Maggie would kill him."

"Can i ask you one last thing?"

"Sure."

"Negan had a diary when he was locked up, and he wrote that you were keeping someone from him, that you wouldn't tell him where she was. Who was he talking about?"

"Lucille."

Eve stares at him in confusion. "Wait.. i thought she died before all this?"

"She did. He was talking about his baseball bat."

"A baseball bat? He had a baseball bat named Lucille?" Eve frowns.

"He named it after her. I guess it was Negan's way of holding onto his wife after she was gone. Covered in barbed wire, so if you met your end by Lucille, it wasn't pretty."

"I'll bet," Eve whispers, the piece of barbed wire suddenly making sense. "What happened to it?"

"She.." Rick shakes his head. " _It_ , got broken during the Whisperer war. Negan buried her.. _it_ , not long after."

"Do you trust Negan?"

"I never thought i'd hear myself say this, but yeah, i trust him."

"Thanks, Rick."

"For what?"

"Sitting here and telling me the truth, trusting me with your gun." Eve glances at the counter.

"Well, i'm just amazed that you spoke to me at all, never mind that you're sitting there right in front of me with no one else here. You've come a long way, Eve."

"I'm trying." Eve smiles.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Thanks for the comments, it's very much appreciated. I'm working on an extra special Christmassy chapter, fingers crossed I get it done before Christmas lol xx


	21. Chapter 21

"How far from the base?" Negan asks impatiently.

"Just a couple miles, should be there in under an hour. Let's hope so anyway, i don't like travelling after dark," Jim says. "You worried about her?"

"Always. I haven't been away from her for this long. I'm not sure how she's gonna handle it."

"We've made good time today. Thirty miles is pretty damn good. We make it to the base, spend the night there, and set off first light. Should make it to the meeting place by midday, get the haul on these babies." He gestures towards the other two carts behind them.

"Yeah, and then it's twenty fucking miles back to the base. We're gonna have to spend the night there again, can't ride in the dark," Negan complains. "Have to take the shit to the Kingdom. We're gonna be gone at least four days."

"You're quite the lovesick pup aren't you?" Jim laughs.

"I just wanna get back to her."

"Course you do. But it's-"

"Hold up." Negan cuts him off, pointing ahead of them.

"Hold up, guys," Jim says, slowing the horses to a stop.

Two other men step down from their horse carts, making their way to the front.

"What we got?"

"About a dozen," Negan says, looking at the dead in the distance.

"Should we wait for them to come closer?"

Negan shakes his head. "Don't want them to spook the horses. Come on, let's show those fuckers who owns this damn road."

* * *

Eve tosses the trowel to one side, wiping at the dirt on her hands. Dark had come just over an hour ago, and she'd stared at the box for almost thirty minutes before she'd had the courage to venture outside.

She rests her hand against the box lid, feeling as if she should say something. "Goodnight," Eve whispers, before placing the box into the small hole in the ground. She covers it with dirt, the moon full and offering her enough light so she has no problem seeing from a fair distance.

"Hey!"

Eve spins on her heels, grabbing the trowel and gesturing it towards the intruder.

"The hell ya' doin'?"

She remains silent, glancing quickly towards the house, wondering if she has enough time to make it to the door. It doesn't look promising, so she stays knelt in the dirt, brandishing the trowel as a weapon.

The intruder squints his eyes, shaking overgrown hair from his face. "Well?"

"What business is it of yours?" She frowns, her hands shaky.

"Cos i ain't seen ya' before, an' ya' diggin' in the yard in the dark of night." He steps closer, his face softening a little. "Wait.. you Eve?"

Eve shuffles backwards, stumbling over the mound of dirt. "Don't come any closer!" She warns him.

He nods, taking a step back. "Sorry. I knew this was your place, didn't think ya' came out on ya' own though."

"Yeah, well.. i had something i needed to do. And.. i'm trying. I'm sorry.. but could you go away please.. i don't like the look of you.. and i can smell you from here."

He drops his head, smiling a little. "Ain't many like the look of me. Name's Daryl." He turns to leave.

"Daryl? Are you the one that goes out hunting?"

"Yeah. I'm hardly here anymore, which is why i didn't know who the hell ya' were."

"Oh. I'm sorry.. what i just said about not liking the look of you. I mean, i meant it. But, i don't like the look of a lot of people," Eve says.

Daryl shrugs. "Ain't nothin'. Y'ain't exactly the best judge of character considerin' the company ya' keep, so i'm gon' take it with a pinch a salt."

Eve frowns. "You got a problem with Negan?"

Daryl shrugs. "We ain't ever gon' be friends. He's earned his place here, but i ain't gon' sing his praises. I don't spend every wakin' minute thinkin' bout killin' him though.. so that's somethin'."

"I guess so."

Daryl nods. "Seeya."

Eve watches him leave before she scrambles towards the door, closing it behind her.

* * *

"Thank fuck it's a full moon," Negan says as they walk towards the dead, a large machete in his hand. "Wouldn't be able to see fuck all otherwise."

"Shouldn't we get the others to help?"

"Fuck no. Can't leave the horses unmanned," Negan points out. "We can take these fuckers no problem. Four each isn't so bad. Come on." He swings his machete as a walker stumbles towards him, the blade sticking straight into it's skull. Negan places his boot into the walker's chest, the machete refusing to come loose. "Fuck!"

He pushes at another walker as it gets close, but a third sinks it's teeth into his jacket, Negan wincing as he feels it chomp down on his arm. "Fucking fucker!"

One of the other men pulls the walker away and takes it out with his knife. Negan's machete finally comes loose, and he quickly takes out the other two, wiping at the sweat on his brow.

"You alright?"

Negan brushes his hand over the arm of his jacket, letting out a sigh of relief. "Yeah. Fucker's teeth didn't get through." He rolls up his sleeve. "You can see where it's gonna fucking bruise though." Negan glances at red teeth marks on the back of his arm.

"I've gotta get me one of those. You'd be losing that arm if it wasn't for your jacket."

"Damn right i would. I wouldn't be without this bad boy." Negan smiles, pulling a corpse to the side of the road. "Come on, let's get this road cleared. We've only got another mile to the base. But we need to keep our eyes open. Be fucking vigilant."

"You okay?" Jim shouts.

"Yeah. Fucker nearly took a chunk out of my goddamn arm." Negan makes his way over and sits down beside him.

Let's have a look." Negan rolls up his sleeve. "Owch. Lucky you were wearing that jacket."

"You know, i got fucking scared for a minute there. I mean, don't get me fucking wrong. I don't wanna get my ticket punched by one of those dead fucks. But if it happens, it happens. That's the way i've always looked at it.. until now. _Now,_ i'm worried what'll happen to her if i'm gone."

"Yeah. That's kinda the way it works. Takes a good woman to finally get you to give a shit." Jim smiles.

"I just.." Negan drops his head. "I fucking love her. I never thought i'd feel this way about someone after my wife. And, it's fucking scary as shit."

Jim nods in agreement. "I know the feeling. My wife from before.. she didn't make it. Got bit the first week after everything started."

"Shit, i'm sorry. I had no idea."

"I don't like to talk about it. But that guilt, knowing that i didn't protect her, i still carry it with me. I told myself that'd be it.. until i came across Marie. It's funny. I thought she needed me, but it turned out i needed her just as much."

"I'm the same way with Eve. I think she helps me more than i help her."

"Here we are." Jim gestures to his right towards the base, which is pretty much a glorified barn surrounded by a chain link fence. "Let's get these horses fed and down for the night, we'll pick it up first light."

* * *

She hadn't showered since he'd left, settling for washing herself at the basin. Though she'd come a long way, it still felt strange not to have him stood by the bathroom door, to not be able to see him as she glanced over inbetween washing her hair.

Negan had been gone five days, and Eve had laid beneath the bed each night wearing one of his dirty t-shirts, her eyes welling up as she'd fretted over him.

Marie had visited twice, and she too had seemed worried that they hadn't made it back yet, though she hadn't said as much.

Rick had also left a pie each afternoon at her back door, and though she'd spoken to him briefly to say thank you, she hadn't invited him in again. Eve had simply waited till he'd left, and pretty much devoured the pie with her bare hands.

She sits in the lounge, flicking though one of Negan's books. A knock at the back door startles her a little, and she waits for Rick to announce himself.

"Eve."

She jumps up from the sofa at the sound of Negan's voice, stumbling over the rug and almost falling flat on her face.

Negan finds himself being pulled through the door, Eve wrapping her arms around his neck and almost dragging him to the floor.

"I missed you so much," she whispers.

"Yeah, i can see that," Negan chuckles.

"You said you wouldn't be long."

"I know. It's fucking hard out there. Especially now there's no cars anymore. I miss my car, it never got fucking tired like the horses do."

Eve peppers him with kisses, Negan finding himself becoming quickly aroused as she tugs at the back of his hair, his hands snaking around her waist.

"I did what you asked me to," Eve whispers against his lips.

"You did?"

Eve nods in reply. "I've been so lonely," she says needily.

"Well i'm here now." He smiles. Negan runs a hand through her hair with a frown. "Did you shower whilst i was away?"

"No, i washed at the sink though."

"Well we're gonna have to get you showered. I could fry a fucking egg in that hair of yours," he laughs.

"Don't _you_ need to shower?" She asks.

For a moment, Negan's sure she's implying he join her, his cock twitching in response. Then he shakes the thought from his head, his cheeks flushed slightly. "That's okay. I can shower after you, i don't mind."

Eve rests her head against his arm as they head upstairs. "Did everything go okay?"

"Yeah. It was pretty fucking boring if i'm honest. I'd have much rather stayed here with you."

* * *

Negan makes his way down the hall, water beading down his torso as he towel dries his hair, locks falling into his eyes.

Eve offers him a smile, her hair still damp from the shower. She'd changed into one of his t-shirts and a pair of very unflattering grey sweatpants, and yet she still made his heart skip a beat.

Her eyes narrow a little before she gets up off the bed. Eve grabs his arm. "What's this?"

"It's nothing."

Eve looks up at him. "It doesn't look like nothing.. it looks like a bite." Her eyes begin to well up.

"Hey, calm down, sweetheart. It's fine, they didn't break the skin."

"But they got close enough to leave a mark! What if you hadn't been wearing your jacket?"

Negan strokes her cheek. "But i was. There's no point fucking worrying about _what ifs_ ," he points out. "Look, never mind that. I wanna know how _you_ were whilst i was gone. Was everything okay?" He asks as he sits down on the bed.

Eve nods sitting down beside him. "I.. i talked to Rick."

Negan stares at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, i was nervous, but he put me at ease.. he even let me hold his gun."

"Well that was fucking brave of him." Negan smiles.

"I talked to Daryl too."

Negan raises an eyebrow, his jaw clenching a little. "Daryl?" He clears his throat. "When did you.. why did you talk to Daryl?"

"I was out in the garden, burying the box. He thought i might be an intruder i guess."

"He didn't scare you did he?"

"A little. He's weird though, and he kinda smells funny."

Negan laughs, running a hand over his beard. "I couldn't have described him any fucking better myself."

"He was alright though. Marie came by, and Rick kept leaving me pies."

"Really? Fucker never leaves _me_ any pies when i'm home." Negan pouts a little.

"Negan"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you look weird just now when i said i'd talked to Daryl? Do you not like him?"

Negan sighs a little. "It's not that i don't like him, it's just.. things between us have always been strained. I guess that's a bit of an understatement."

"I don't think he likes you much either."

"He said that?" Negan asks.

"Not quite."

He nods. "Well, we're civil. I guess i just felt a little jealous, that's all."

"Jealous? Why would you be jealous?"

"Because i think if you'd met him first, you'd like him much better than you like me. You.. you both have that same look in your eyes. And if i'm being fucking honest, i think he'd be much better for you in the long run."

Eve cups his cheeks with her hands. "No, he wouldn't. I don't think i'd like _anyone_ as much as i like you."

"Well that's real fucking sweet."

"It's the truth." Eve kisses his cheek before getting up from the bed, clearing her throat nervously as she glances down at his towel. "You hungry?"

"I'm fucking ravenous."

"I'll go make us something nice."

Negan watches her walk away, wondering how he'd managed the last five days without her.


	22. Chapter 22 (Christmas Special)

"Fuck sake!" Negan spits, tossing an empty, glass bottle over his shoulder.

Rick turns his head as he hears it shatter to the ground. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Christmas shopping, the fuck does it look like?"

"And you're throwing stuff everywhere because?"

Negan runs a hand through his hair. "Because i can't fucking find anything decent enough to give her as a present, this is all just fucking junk."

"You _do_ realise we're not out here to find presents," Rick points out.

"Oh really? The fuck did i _just_ see you shoving in that backpack of yours?" Negan raises an eyebrow.

"Point made." Rick nods. He relaxes his shoulders a little, making his way over to Negan. "What kinda thing were you looking for?"

Negan shrugs. "I don't fucking know. Just.. something nice."

"Well that narrows it down."

"I don't know what Eve likes. I wanna get her something really fucking special, show her how much i care and all that soppy fucking bullshit."

"Why don't you write her a poem? Since you have such a way with words," Rick says sarcastically.

"Ha fucking ha."

"I might not be far off there actually, maybe you could make her something?"

Negan stares at him in bemusement. "You're pulling my fucking dick right? The fuck am i supposed to make her?"

"I don't know, Negan. Can we just get on with this? Eugene said it looks like we're set for quite a bit of snow, and i do _not_ wanna be stuck out here with you for company."

Negan glances at him, a hurt look on his face. "You don't mean that." He smiles.

"You see that?" Rick gestures towards the road as a few flakes drift across the truck window.

"Relax, we'll be home before it gets bad."

"Hand me some water." Rick holds out his hand.

"The fuck did your last slave die of?"

"Fine, i'll get it myself." Rick frowns, leaning down and digging through Negan's backpack.

"Hey, get the fuck outta there.." Negan falls silent as a box falls out of his bag, sliding under Rick's seat.

"What was that?" Rick asks.

"Nothing, it was nothing."

"Well let's just see if it's nothing." Rick keeps one hand on the wheel, scrambling beneath his seat with the other.

"Rick, will you just fucking leave it."

Rick holds a small box in his hand, his mouth agape. "Is this what i think it is?"

"Watch the fucking road!" Negan yells.

Rick swerves to avoid a walker before slowing the car to a stop.

"Give me that!" Negan snatches the box from him.

"Negan-"

"No. You mind your fucking business, Rick." Negan sulks.

"Open the box."

"I will fucking _not._ " Negan jumps a little at the sound of hands clutching at his window. He takes the knife from his belt, winds down the window, and quickly puts an end to the walker. As he turns, Rick already has the box in his hands. "Fucking fucker."

Rick opens the box, a small, white gold, ring inside, with a single red stone, most likely a diamond from the looks of it. If he had to guess, he'd say it was probably worth the equivalent of two maybe even as many as four houses like the kind in Alexandria. Now of course, it was worth nothing, but it was damn nice to look at, even for such a small diamond. "Are you-"

Negan snatches the box from him, looking down at the ring with a frown. "I don't know. I fucking want to. Look, if you ever tell anyone i said this, i'll fucking kick your ass from here to the fucking Hilltop, but.." Negan clears his throat. "I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I know me and Eve haven't.. you know, but that shit doesn't matter. I fucking love her."

"Does she love you?" Negan shrugs his shoulders in reply. "Then do you really think it's a good idea to ask her to marry you?"

"Probably fucking not." Negan rubs at his temples. "Fuck.. i'm an idiot. The fuck was i expecting? Eve to say yes? When she's not even sure how she fucking feels about me."

Rick lets out a deep sigh. "I think it's pretty obvious how she feels about you, Negan."

"What do you mean?"

"She's put her trust in you. When she had every reason not to. She looks at you as if you're her world.. you probably _are_ her world."

"So you think i should ask her?" Negan asks, feeling hopeful.

"Hell no. The last thing she needs from you is a proposal. I mean, if she hasn't said she loves you, even though i'm pretty sure she does, then it's probably not a good idea to ask her to marry you. She's gonna say no, and that's gonna hit you _hard,_ and then she'll get upset, since she doesn't like seeing you hurting."

Negan drops his head. "You're right. I just.. i want her to know how much she means to me."

"You can show her how much she means to you without a proposal. I mean, everything you do for her already, shows her how much you care."

"That's kinda fucking sweet, Rick. I didn't realise you thought so much of me." Negan chuckles.

"Shut up." Rick smiles. He glances at the ring, clearing his throat a little. "If you're not gonna be using that, you think i could have it? Michonne would be over the moon."

"Fuck no!" Negan frowns, closing the box and stuffing it into his backpack. "Get your fucking own."

* * *

Negan knocks on the back door, Eve opening it with a smile as she practically drags him through the door. She wraps her arms around him, his leather jacket cold against her cheek.

"I missed you," she whispers.

"I missed you too, baby." Negan smiles, stroking the back of her head. "I'm sorry i took so long. You been okay here alone the last couple of days?"

She nods. "Marie came, she brought a pie, and we talked a lot."

"Well that's great. Makes me feel better knowing you weren't completely alone."

Eve stands up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his. "I really did miss you. I was scared you weren't gonna come back."

Negan cups her cheek, his fingers resting against her neck. "You were worried about me?"

"Yeah. I don't know what i'd do if i didn't have you."

Negan rests his hand against her waist, brushing his nose against hers. "Well you've fucking got me, whether you like it or not."

Eve glances at his hair. "Is it raining? I was hoping to go out in the garden once you got back," she says a little disappointedly.

Negan raises an eyebrow. "Have you not looked out of the window?"

"No. Not for the last few hours."

"It's snowing."

Eve's eyes light up, much like those of a child at Christmas. "Really?!"

"Yeah." Negan chuckles, surprised she didn't notice when she opened the door to him, but she _had_ pretty much dragged him through it. "Why? Do you like snow or something?"

"I _love_ snow!" She says excitedly. "Can we go out later if it settles?"

"Sure." He nods, a little bemused by her excitement over something that doesn't seem much to get excited about, to him at least.

"Do you not like snow?"

Negan shrugs. "It's snow, i never really thought much about it. I mean.. it's basically just water."

"You can't build a snowman with water," Eve points out.

"I've never really seen the fucking point in that either."

"Wow! You're like the Grinch," she teases.

Negan opens his mouth then closes it quickly. "What the fuck ever. I didn't realise you were into all that Christmassy shit."

Eve shrugs her shoulders. "I used to be." Her face drops a little, and Negan regrets putting such a downer on her excitement as she appears somewhat sombre. "You're right i guess. It's just snow. I saw it enough when i was out there, in fact, it was just a nuisance." Eve plays nervously with her hands, a far off look on her face. "I need the bathroom, i won't be long."

 _Fuck! The fuck did you_ _do that for you fucking idiot?!_

* * *

Rick rubs at his eyes as he stumbles down the stairs, grumbling with each step he takes towards the door. He opens the front door, an animated Negan stood in front of him.

"We have to go out!" Negan says excitedly.

"What?" Rick yawns into the back of his hand. "The hell are you talking about? We just got back."

"I need a tree!"

Rick raises an eyebrow. "A tree? You woke me up at this ungodly hour because you need a tree? In case you hadn't noticed, we're surrounded by trees, Negan."

"No. I need a fucking Christmas tree. Christmas is two fucking days away, and i wanna give Eve the best fucking Christmas ever! So i need a Christmas tree, with all the fucking trimmings, Rick. You gonna help me or not?"

"I'm not leaving Alexandria for a Christmas tree, Negan. The snow's set to get worse."

"Come on, Rick. Don't be like that."

"Have you checked out your attic?"

"The fuck would i wanna do that for?" Negan frowns.

"Jesus, Negan." Rick shakes his head. "Because that's where people normally store their Christmas stuff. Didn't you ever celebrate Christmas before?"

Negan shifts his feet. "Well yeah. But Lucille always sorted that shit out. I'd just wake up one morning in December and be like.. ' _oh, i guess it's fucking Christmas then,'_ something like that."

"Yeah, i can imagine," Rick says sarcastically.

"So the attic then?"

"Yeah. Now if you don't mind." Rick goes to close the door, Negan stopping it with his boot. "What?" Rick frowns.

"What if there's something up there?"

"Then you take it down, i'm sure you can handle a Christmas tree on your own."

"I'm not talking about a fucking Christmas tree, i mean.. like spiders and shit," Negan whispers.

Rick stares at him in bemusement. "I'm sorry? Are you trying to tell me, that big-bad-Negan is afraid of spiders?"

"Don't call me that, i'm a fucking good boy thank you very fucking much. And i didn't say i was _afraid._ I just.. don't wanna get covered in webs and shit."

"Goodnight, Negan," Rick says before closing the door in his face.

"Fucker." Negan pouts before turning to leave.

* * *

"Negan."

"Fuck!" Negan winces as he bumps his head on a wooden beam, rubbing at it vigorously.

"What are you doing up there?"

"Nothing, i'm just checking what's up here."

"I'm coming up."

"No!" Negan shouts, stumbling his way towards the attic door. He pops his head out, looking down at Eve. "I mean, i'd rather you didn't. Not enough room to swing a cat up here."

"Oh. Are you coming to bed?"

"I'll be down in ten minutes, sweetheart. Why don't you go get tucked in, steal the covers like you always do."

" _I do not_ steal the covers." Eve smiles.

"Course you fucking don't." Negan smirks. He waits for the sound of their bedroom door squeaking before going about his business. " _Christmas tree, o Christmas tree. Come the fuck here to me.._ come on man, i got a gorgeous girl waiting in bed for me, so come the fuck on," Negan whispers to himself as he rifles through a mountain of cardboard boxes.

His eyes light up as he shines a torch over a box marked _'Christmas stuff'_ along with two more boxes beside it. Negan opens the first box, dusty, plastic branches inside. "Fuck yeah!" He smiles before closing the box.

* * *

Negan wakes on Christmas eve morning, Eve's head nestled in his chest. There's a pillow between them, serving the purpose of hiding his morning glory from her.

He snakes his arm over her shoulders, playing lazily with her hair.

A lot had changed in the last five months, yet much had remained the same. Eve was still wary of venturing outside alone, still sticking with the garden, but she often stayed downstairs when visitors came, and even spoke with them on occasion.

The most notable change for Negan, was sleeping beneath the covers. It had been a cold November night, and Negan had awoke to find her snuggling up to him, her own covers kicked off the bed. He'd wondered whether he should wake her, but had decided against it.

Of course, the next morning, she had shot out of bed after she'd felt his erection pressing against her stomach.

Negan, not wanting her to go back to sleeping on top of the covers, had suggested they place a pillow between their bottom halves, that way there would be no rude awakenings.

"Morning, beautiful." Negan smiles as she stirs a little.

Eve wrinkles her nose as his chest hair tickles her, slowly gazing up at him with tired eyes. "You been awake long?"

"No. Just long enough to hear you snoring."

"I don't snore." Eve slaps his chest playfully.

Negan chuckles. "I've got some stuff i need to do today."

She leans up on one elbow, her face falling a little. "But, you said you were done going out for a while."

"And i am. I'm not going out. It's just got some shit i've gotta do later. I won't be in bed till late."

"Why? What kinda stuff are you doing?"

"Just stuff, nothing important."

"I could wait up for you," she offers.

"No, don't do that. It's gonna be pretty late."

Eve lays her head down, a million thoughts racing through her mind. _He's seeing someone_ , she thinks. _Of course he is, he's not gonna wait forever. He's a red blooded male, with one hell of an appetite, and you don't even come close to satisfying it._

"You okay?" Negan frowns, her eyes seeming to look straight through him as if she were a million miles away.

"I'm fine," Eve says before throwing back the covers. "If you're not gonna be here later, will you come watch me shower now?"

"Sure."

* * *

Darkness falls over Alexandria, and yet it's lit like a snow globe, the moon bouncing off the ground thick with snow.

Negan carries a backpack on his shoulders as he slinks his way through the back yards, making his way towards the storage facility, otherwise known as the pantry.

He looks through the first floor window, cupping his hands over his brows like a pair of makeshift binoculars. Negan pushes up the window, having left it open earlier in the day, and he climbs through.

Opening his backpack, he fills it with potatoes, carrots, turnip, a tub of flour, butter, and an armful of frozen apples.

As he glances at the freezer, he curses himself. _Shit, the fuck am i supposed to thaw this shit in time?_

He opens a second refrigerator, grinning from ear to ear as he sets his sights on a fresh piece of meat, most likely caught by Daryl. Negan takes it, wrapping it in some old newspaper before adding it to his backpack. He's not sure what kind of meat it is, maybe deer? But it looks good.

Negan heads back out, closing the window behind himself before walking back home.

* * *

Eve turns on her stomach, stretching out a hand and finding an empty space. She lifts her head, her eyes searching around the room.

"Negan?" She whispers, trying not to panic. _He's probably waking up next to some other woman._ Eve grips the covers, her eyes beginning to water. She wipes at a tear falling down her cheek. Eve could have sworn he'd come to bed. It had been late, so late he was just a dreamy haze. Maybe it _had_ been a dream, and he hadn't come home at all?

Just as she's about to break into a fit of fresh tears, she frowns, wrinkling her nose. Something delicious fills her nostrils, the smell of beef maybe, and some kind of stuffing or gravy.

She throws back the covers, stepping out of bed and grabbing her grey sweatpants.

"Negan?" Eve calls from the top of the stairs. She panics for a moment, wondering if someone had broke in. _Why the fuck would someone break in and start cooking? Come on, Eve. That's a stretch even for you._

She breathes a sigh of relief as Negan comes out of the lounge, standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Hey." He smiles.

"What are you doing? I was worried."

Negan holds out a hand. "Come here."

She makes her way down the stairs, taking his hand nervously, unsure why he's up so early. As he leads her to the lounge, her eyes widen.

"Merry Christmas."

"Oh my God," Eve whispers, her mouth agape as she gazes at the tree. It's plastic, and a little more than lacklustre, half malted tinsel hanging from it's branches, and baubles that had seen better days, but it's pretty all the same. "Did you.. is this what you were doing?" She turns to him.

"Of course it was." Negan smiles. "What did you think i was doing?"

Eve shrugs her shoulders. "Not this, that's for sure. This is.. it's beautiful. I can't believe you did this for me. And that." Eve gestures towards the kitchen. "It smells amazing! Where did you even get all this?"

"Well, the tree was up in the attic. The food.. i traded some stuff."

Eve wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him softly. "I can't believe you did this."

"There isn't anything i wouldn't do for you, Eve. You should know that by now. I just want you to be fucking happy." Negan smiles. "Come on, i got you some presents."

He pulls her towards the tree, and it really is an ugly looking tree the closer she gets, and yet her cheeks hurt from smiling. "You got me a gift?"

"Of course i fucking did, i got you more than one."

Eve kneels down in front of the tree, a few gifts wrapped in newspaper.

"Sorry about the wrapping, Christmas paper is hard to fucking come by. Here." Negan smiles, handing her a present.

"What is it?" She asks excitedly.

Negan rolls his eyes. "Open it and see."

Eve tears off the paper, finding a small, tatty box inside. She takes off the lid with a smile, admiring a silver locket in the shape of a heart. Eve opens the locket to find a picture of Negan inside.

"I thought you might like that.. but you can put whatever picture you want in there." Negan waves a hand.

"It's perfect. Will you?" Eve hands the locket to him before turning round and lifting her hair.

Negan fumbles with the clasp. "It's a tricky little fucker.. there you go."

"Thank you." Eve kisses him chastely, holding the locket between her fingers.

"You're very fucking welcome. I'm glad you like it."

Eve opens the rest of her presents with a smile, which included a new dress, fluffy socks, and a bottle of perfume she'd mentioned a few months ago.

"This is amazing."

Negan shrugs. "It was nothing. And don't worry about me, seeing that smile on your face is the best fucking present ever."

Eve jumps up off the floor. "Wait! I do have something for you." She beams.

"You do?" Negan raises an eyebrow.

"Just give me a minute."

Negan watches as she races through the lounge, her feet pounding up the stairs. As she comes back down, he stares at her in confusion as she carries a red bundle in her arms.

"What the _fuck_ is that?" Negan asks perplexed.

"I made it for you." Eve smiles, holding up a red sweater that looks like it would bury her.

"You.." Negan takes the sweater from her, holding it out in front of himself. "You made this?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, it's erm.. wow."

Eve's face falls a little. "Do you not like it?"

"Of course i fucking like it, i just.. i can't believe you made it yourself. This is one _hell_ of a sweater."

"So you _do_ like it?"

"Of course i do, it's fucking awesome."

"I was gonna make it more Chrismassy, but then i figured you could wear it all year round like this." Eve smiles.

"Wow, that's.. that's such a good idea, Eve. Lucky me." Negan clears his throat before folding the sweater and placing it on the floor.

"Are you not gonna put it on?"

Negan opens his mouth, closing it quickly so he doesn't say the first thing that pops into his head. "Sure." He pulls the sweater over his head. The arms hang over his hands, and the bottom comes halfway down his thighs. "It's a bit big."

Eve kneels down in front of him, rolling up the sleeves. "It's roomy, and roomy is comfortable."

Negan looks down at Eve, his face softening. "It's fucking perfect." He smiles.

* * *

"All done." Negan brushes snow off his gloves, standing almost proudly in front of a large snowman in the back yard.

"Not quite, it looks a bit naked."

"Well, maybe we should give it my sweater?" Negan offers.

"No.. i know." Eve heads inside, coming back out with Negan's scarf.

"My scarf?"

"Every snowman needs a scarf. Can i?"

"Sure, why the fuck not."

Eve wraps the scarf around it's neck. "It kinda looks like you." She smiles.

"Well, it _is_ a pretty fucking handsome snowman. Maybe we should build it a snowwoman so it can get some action?" Negan jokes.

"I don't know, i'm pretty cold." Eve shivers.

"You want my sweater?"

"If i didn't know any better, i'd think you hated that sweater."

Negan rests a hand against his chest. "Wow. I am really fucking hurt that you'd think that. I fucking love this sweater."

Eve raises an eyebrow. "It's hideous."

Negan shrugs. "All Christmas sweaters are fucking hideous."

"Then why are you wearing it?"

"Because you went to the trouble to make it for me, and.. it's actually pretty fucking comfy, for a hideous sweater."

"Thank you."

"For what? Wearing this sweater? It's not that bad, Eve."

"No, just, for everything. I haven't smiled like this is in a long time." Eve looks down at her feet. "You know, when i woke up this morning to an empty bed, i was convinced you were with another woman."

"What.. why the fuck would you think that?"

"You've got form."

Negan tilts his head, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Well, you've fucking got me there. But, i wouldn't do that to you. That bullshit's behind me now. I fucking love you."

"I know you do, but, a man has needs, and-"

"Hey." Negan places his fingers beneath her chin, tilting her head to meet his gaze. "None of that matters. _You_ are all i care about, not what's between your legs." For a moment, he finds himself thinking very much about what's between her legs, biting on his lip in anticipation. Negan shakes his head. "I love you, Eve. It's as simple as that. I know i treated Lucille like shit, she deserved so much better. But like i said, that bullshit's behind me. I think she'd be real fucking proud of the man i've become. Probably a little pissed off too, that i couldn't be like this for her, but still, she'd be proud."

Eve wraps her arms around him, burying her head in his chest, his sweater slightly damp from the snow.

"Let's head inside. Dinner's almost ready." Negan smiles.

* * *

Negan had set the table with their seats opposite, but Eve had quickly moved her cutlery next to his, taking the seat beside him.

"This is _so_ good," Eve says through a mouthful of meat and potatoes.

"I know. This is the best shit i've ever made. There's apple pie for dessert, and i even made-" Negan frowns as someone knocks at the door.

"Who's that?" Eve asks, her eyes widening briefly.

"I don't know, sweetheart. I can't see through walls." Negan chuckles, wiping at a drop of gravy in his beard. He makes his way to the hall, answering the door. Rick stands there with Jim, both of them wearing oversized jackets to shield them from the cold.

"Hey, what's up?" Negan asks. He steps aside, Rick and Jim stepping into the hall.

"Nice sweater," Rick teases.

"Shut up."

Eve looks over them, automatically going to slink beneath the table, but then she stops herself. _It's fine. Rick's okay, he's not a bad guy, and that's Marie's husband, now stop being so ridiculous._ Eve sits upright on her chair, playing nervously with her hands.

"Did you notice anyone hanging around last night? You hear anything?" Rick asks.

Negan shakes his head. "No, not a dicky bird. Why?"

"Someone snuck into the pantry last night, stole some meat and.." Rick frowns, glancing over at Eve and the food on the table in front of her. He pulls Negan closer to the door by his elbow. "It was _you,_ wasn't it?"

"Keep your damn voice down," Negan whispers.

"Jesus, Negan. What the hell were you thinking?" Jim asks.

"I was thinking i wanted to put a smile on Eve's face."

Rick rubs at his temples. "You know the sentence for stealing is at least a week in the cells. I can't let this slide, you know that right?"

"I didn't really think that far ahead."

"Of course you didn't." Rick shakes his head. "You know i _have_ to take you in."

Negan nods. "Can you just.. leave it for now. Let her have today, she's so happy. I'll hand myself in tomorrow. I fucking promise."

Rick looks over at Eve before dropping his head and sighing deeply. "You're an idiot, you know that? How do you think she's gonna cope for a week on her own?"

"I know, i just wanted today to be special for her. She deserves it."

Rick nods. "Alright, but if you haven't handed yourself in by midday tomorrow, then-"

Negan holds up hand. "Alright, i hear you."

"Well, i'll leave you to it," Rick says.

"Thanks, Rick. I'll see you tomorrow."

Negan closes the door behind them, making his way back to the table.

"Is everything okay?" Eve asks.

"Yeah, it's fine, sweetheart. They erm.. they needed some men for a run tomorrow, but i told them no.. unless they really need me."

"I thought no one was going out because of the snow?"

"They weren't, but the Kingdom needs some kind of medical supplies."

"You're not going are you?"

Negan shakes his head, taking her hand in his. "No, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."

 **Author's Note**

Merry Christmas, hope you all have a good one, wherever you are. xx


	23. Chapter 23

Negan stares at the bathroom door, and yet his mind is a million miles away. How was he supposed to tell her they were going to lock him up for at least the next two weeks? How would she cope without him? How would he cope without _her_?

So many questions run through his mind, that he fails to notice her switching off the shower.

Eve opens the screen door, looking over at Negan with a frown. He had a habit of asking if she was all done once she switched the shower off, even though it was obvious she was all done. But now, he just stood there, as if he were in a world of his own. She knows that feeling all too well, getting inside your own head and zoning out.

"Negan." She rests a hand against his shoulder, Negan jumping a mile as he spins on his heels. "Sorry, i didn't mean to make you jump."

Negan shakes his head, running a hand over his beard as he let's out a chuckle. "That's alright. Jesus, i must've been in a fucking world of my own there. You all done?"

"Where did you go?"

"Where did i go?" Negan stares at her. "Oh, i get what you meant." He smiles. "Fuck knows, sweetheart. Just.. thinking about random shit."

"Anything i should be worried about?"

Negan opens his mouth and closes it, running a hand through his hair nervously. _You're gonna have to fucking tell her._ "Actually, i have-" Negan turns his head at the sound of knocking.

Eve reaches for him out of habit. Half way through using him as a shield, she stops, settling for just clinging to his arm. "Who is it?"

Negan tilts his head, smiling sweetly. No matter how many times he'd told her he can't see through walls, she still insisted on asking him who was at the door, as if he could give her an answer. "I don't know, sweetheart. Probably Rick. Why don't you go get dressed, i'll go check."

"Okay." Eve smiles, exiting the bathroom and giving the stairs a wide berth.

Negan reluctantly makes his way down the stairs, sure it must be Rick, come to take him to the cells no doubt. _Fucking fucker doesn't trust me to hand myself in._ He opens the door, breathing a sigh of relief as Marie stands in front of him. "Hey, Marie. Everything okay?" Negan raises an eyebrow, Marie appearing anything but okay.

"No, Negan. I'm not okay. What the hell were you thinking?"

Negan steps out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. "What are you talking about?"

"Jim handed himself over to Rick last night, said he was the one who stole from the pantry."

"What? Why would he do that?"

"Because he's an idiot!" Marie spits, running a hand through her hair. "Because.. he's a decent guy, and he knows Eve won't be able to handle two weeks on her own, that's why."

"Really? He did that?"

"Yes, he did."

Negan looks down at his feet a little shamefully. "I'm sorry."

"So you should be. Did you not think about what would happen after?"

"No, i just.. i wanted to make her happy."

"I understand that, i really do. But you're part of a community, Negan, whether you like it or not. It's not right to just take what isn't yours. And now, Jim's gone and got himself locked up for the next two weeks."

"Look, i'll go straight to Rick and confess myself. I was gonna do that anyway."

"No." Marie shakes her head. "Dont do that. Jim wanted to do this for you, and as much as i'm pissed off, i respect his decision. Just.. think in future. Your actions have consequences. You making Eve happy for a day could've set her back. Not just that, but you took food out of everyone's mouths. We're supposed to ration during the winter, and now we're probably gonna have to eat a little bit less to make up for what you took."

"I really _am_ sorry."

Marie nods. "I hope you are. You think i don't depend on Jim like Eve depends on you? Obviously not as much as she does, but i still need him."

"I didn't think. I had no idea Jim would do that."

"Well, he seems to like you.. i don't mind you so much either, that's when you're not getting my man imprisoned. People _are_ warming to you, Negan. But if you keep doing selfish shit like that, then they'll go ice cold in a heartbeat."

"Is there anything i can do? To make up for it?

"Don't let it happen again, and maybe go visit my idiot of a husband to say thank you."

"I won't, and i will."

* * *

"Is everything okay?" Eve dries her hair with a towel as Negan steps through the door.

"Yeah.. well, kind of. I have to fucking tell you something."

Eve drops the towel on the floor, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. "Do you have to go on a run?"

"No, i'm not going anywhere," Negan assures her. "But, i did something shitty."

Eve's throat is suddenly dry. "What did you do?"

"Our Christmas dinner.. i kinda stole it."

Eve raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I just.. i wanted you to have a really fucking good Christmas."

She rises to her feet, fixing the towel that covers her. "Are they gonna lock you up? Don't tell me they're gonna lock you up. Maybe you could work off what you took?"

"It doesn't work like that, Eve. But, they're not gonna lock me up."

"Really?"

"Really. Jim handed himself in."

"What? Why would he do that?"

Negan shrugs his shoulders. "Because he's a decent guy, and he knows you wouldn't cope so long without me."

"Oh, Negan. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking i wanted to make you happy, and there's isn't anything i wouldn't do to see you smile." Eve circles her arms around him, resting her cheek against his chest. Negan swallows thickly as her towel shifts a little, no doubt ready to fall as soon as she steps back. It would be so easy for him to take advantage, to gently step away and let it drop to the floor, and the thought of gazing at her body, even for a moment, makes his dick hard. "You erm, you might wanna get a grip on that, it's loose."

Eve smiles, lifting a hand as she grips the towel. She rests a hand against his chest, standing on her tiptoes as she kisses him softly. He brushes his fingers against her cheek, parting her lips with his and flicking his tongue against hers. Negan groans, brushing his nose against hers as he tears himself reluctantly away from her lips.

Eve looks up at him cautiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just.. i'm getting a bit _too_ fucking excited," Negan whispers, his cheeks flushed.

She glances down between them, her cheeks going even more maroon than Negan's. "Oh." Eve smiles, glancing away from him briefly, unsure of where to look.

Negan raises an eyebrow as she looks away from him, his lips curling up into a smile. They'd had many moments like this where she'd seen him getting excited, too many to count. But this was the first time he'd seen her react with something other than fear or embarrassment. This time, he'd swear she seems almost pleased.

Eve's heart pounds as she tears her gaze from the wall, her eyes settling on his chest, where her hand is still resting. She trails her fingers down towards his torso, Negan's stomach tensing up as she does. Eve glances at his arm, his skin covered in gooseflesh. She smiles contentedly before gazing up at him, his expression almost appearing pained.

"Is this okay?" She whispers.

"Is.. is what okay?" He stutters, his arms hung awkwardly down by his sides as he tries his best to let her lead.

"Me touching you like this?"

"Sweetheart. You can touch me any-fucking-way and any-fucking-where you want."

"Can i?" Eve gestures towards his t-shirt. Negan pulls it up over his head, dropping it to the floor. She curls her fingers through his chest hair, trailing them the same way she did before, smiling as his stomach tenses and gooseflesh breaks out on his skin. Bringing her hand back up, she traces his collarbone, Negan stifling a groan as her fingers brush against his skin, his arms still down by his sides. "I'm real lucky. You're fucking gorgeous. I bet there's tons of women that'd put this body to good use."

"I don't want any other women."

And he says it with such certainty, her heart aches a little. "Sometimes, i want you so bad, it actually hurts. But.. i'm afraid," Eve whispers.

"What are you afraid of?" Negan regrets asking as soon as the words leave his mouth, feeling like a prize idiot

"That your face will change. That i'll look up, and it won't be you anymore.. but.. _them._ That's what i'm afraid of."

He clenches his jaw as a lump fills his throat, lifting his hands to cup her cheeks. "I would never do anything to hurt you. _I am yours.._ and i'm not going _anywhere._ I swear, Eve, you can do whatever you fucking please with me, but i won't push your boundaries in the fucking slightest without your say so, you understand?"

"But what if-"

"Eve." Negan curls his finger beneath her chin. "I want you to feel free to do what the fuck ever you want to me. You don't need to ask my permission, because you already fucking have it. But, i also want you to feel free to stop. I don't want you second guessing yourself, or worrying about me. The only person you need to worry about, is yourself. If something doesn't feel right, then stop. I'm _never_ gonna get mad at you when it comes to shit like this, understand?"

"Yes.. i'm starting to." Eve takes Negan's hand and places it against her chest. He can feel her heart beating, her eyes burning deep into his. Negan doesn't drop his gaze as he traces his fingers over her collarbone, yet she closes hers for a moment, shivering as her own skin breaks out in gooseflesh. Her fingers curled loosely around his wrist, she inhales sharply as he brushes his thumb over her throat, pulling her close to him, his soft lips pressing against hers.

"I love you, Eve. There isn't anything i wouldn't do for you." Negan tugs gently on her bottom lip with his teeth, running his fingers through her damp hair.

Eve wraps her arms around his neck, dragging her fingers through his hair as she kisses him, her lips smacking against his greedily. She stiffens as her towel threatens to fall, but Negan presses a hand against the small of her back, keeping it firmly in place. In spite of his chivalry, she suddenly feels very aware that she's almost naked, her hands slipping down from his neck and settling against his chest. He kisses her once more before gently pulling away, more than capable of reading a woman's body language, especially hers.

"If you don't need me, i'm gonna go take a shower." He smiles.

Eve smiles, well aware what that means. "Yeah, i think i can manage. I'll get dinner started, if you're hungry?"

"I'm fucking starving, sweetheart."

* * *

Eve rests her feet in Negan's lap, both their noses stuck in a book. Negan rubs his thumb nonchalantly over the ball of her foot, his book actually much more interesting than he thought.

Eve giggles, her foot twitching in his hand.

Negan turns to her with a smile. "Something you read?"

"No, you tickled my foot."

"Really?" Negan grins. "I didn't know you were ticklish." He's half tempted to grab her foot and tickle her till her stomach hurts from laughing, but he knows better, settling for stroking the top of her foot. "I'll keep that in mind." Negan smiles.

"I talked to Daryl whilst you were gone."

Negan shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his grip on her foot tightening for a moment. "When? You mean when i saw Jim after dinner?"

"Yeah."

Negan clears his throat. Though he was pretty damn sure nothing would happen between the two of them, he still couldn't shake the fact that if Eve had met Daryl first, she'd probably be with him instead. In so many ways, they were similar. Both of them had that same wild look in their eyes, and though Negan never spoken that much with Daryl, it was common knowledge that he'd had a shitty upbringing, which would make him much more capable of helping Eve. At least that's how Negan saw it. The biggest consolation he had, was that Eve seemed wary of Daryl, as if she mistook the look in his eyes as that of a dangerous animal. Maybe she wasn't far off? He could be dangerous after all, just not in the way she thought.

Though it would be easy for him to fuel her wariness over Daryl, he didn't. As much as it made him feel a little pang of jealousy whenever they spoke, no matter how seldom it was, he couldn't do that to her. To see, or hear of her speaking with _anyone_ , even Daryl, made him smile in the long run.

"Has he set up fucking camp in our back yard or some shit? Fucker never seems to be away." He chuckles half heartedly, tapping his fingers against her foot.

"He said Rick was throwing some kinda party for the New Year."

"Oh yeah. Rick mentioned it a few weeks back."

"Are you going?" Eve asks.

"Fuck no. I mean, for one, they wouldn't want me there, and two, i'm not leaving you here alone on New Year."

"Maybe.. we could both go?"

Negan stares at her. "I'm sorry? What was that?"

"Maybe we can both go to Rick's party?"

"Eve, i know you've gotten so much better, you're getting better every fucking day, and i'm proud of you for it. But.. a party.. full of people. Baby, i'm not sure you're ready for that," Negan says softly, knowing full well she isn't anywhere near ready.

"I know i'm not.. not really. But, if i don't start pushing myself, then i'm not gonna get anywhere at all."

"Eve-"

"Please, Negan. I at least wanna try. Let me do this."

Negan leans over, resting his fingers beneath her chin. "Hey, there's no letting you do fuck all, sweetheart. You don't have to ask my permission to do shit, okay? You do whatever the fuck you want. I'm just.. i'm worried, that's all."

"I'll have _you_ , you'll keep me safe. And, we can always just leave if it's too much."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll have to talk with Rick first. But as long as he says it's okay, and you still want to, then we'll go," Negan assures her. Eve smiles, burying her head back in her book, seemingly happy. Negan couldn't be more opposite, and he's unsure what makes him worry more. The thought of Eve freaking out around other people, or the thought of having a sea of faces judging him.


	24. Chapter 24

_She_ _drags her fingers slowly down his back, his skin slick_ _with sweat as he runs hot kisses over her neck, nipping at her sensitive skin. Her thighs tense around his waist, she writhes her hips_ _against his, arching her back as he groans above her._

 _"Negan," she moans, the heat building in the pit of her stomach almost unbearable._

 _"Oh, Eve," he groans, trailing his hand down her waist, her skin breaking out in gooseflesh in spite of the heat._

 _Eve rolls him onto his back, dragging her lips over his collarbone. The sounds she elicits from him alone send her close to the edge of somewhere she hasn't been for a long time. She'd almost forgotten how it felt, how good it could feel. "Oh, Negan."_

 _He rises up, Eve wrapping her legs around his waist as she slowly rolls her hips, his lips smacking against hers as he tugs at her hair. She claws at a handful of his hair, crying out as he ghosts his lips over her throat, and settles over her breast, flicking his tongue over her nipple. "Negan."_

* * *

Negan's eyes flicker open, light spilling in through the curtain. It wasn't the light that had woken him though, but Eve. He turns to her with a frown, ready to wake her should she be having a bad dream.

His jaw drops open, and his lips slowly curl up in the corners as he grins from ear to ear. _Holy shit!_ Negan watches as she writhes beneath the covers, moaning quietly to herself as if someone is showing her a damn good time, and he can't help but hope it's him. As if she'd heard his thoughts, she whispers his name. Negan gazes down at her, his cock throbbing as she continues to writhe on the bed. He lowers his hand, running his fingers over his length, then he freezes. _Should i be doing this?_ Negan wonders, suddenly feeling guilty, as if he were taking advantage somehow. The devil on one shoulder tells him to go for it. _It's not like you're fucking touching her._ But the angel on his other shoulder tells him different. _You know for a damn fact she wouldn't like it. And what if she wakes up whilst you're pulling your fucking dick like there's no tomorrow? Just lay the fuck back down, maybe have a little sneaky peek, and store this moment in the wank bank for later._

Negan lays back down, his erection pointing up at him almost angrily. He lifts the covers, staring down at the tent in his boxers. "Fuck off, asshole," he whispers, before dropping the covers back down. He turns on his side to face Eve, her movements seeming to have come to a stop. He smiles, realising this is actually quite a turning point for her, and as much as he'd love to tease her when she wakes, he'll do no such thing. Though her dreams seemed to have calmed down some over the past months, he still had to wake her twice a week on average, but he had _never_ woke to her having a dirty dream before, and it made him smile that she was healing enough that something as natural as a dirty dream was occurring.

Her eyes flicker open, and Negan quickly closes his, not wanting her to know that he heard her.

Eve rubs at her eyes, her mind still hanging between dream and reality. As reality hits, she turns to Negan, praying that she hadn't disturbed him somehow by talking in her sleep, Eve horrified at the thought. He seems to be sleeping soundly, perhaps dreaming of something nice as he appears to be smiling contentedly. Eve plays with the idea that he's dreaming about her, and the thought that he might be having a dream similar to hers makes her feel warm between her thighs. As she lays there, she's surprised at her own reaction to this idea, that it makes her feel good, rather than coming with the usual side order of guilt, as if it's wrong to feel that way.

She shifts uncomfortably beneath the duvet, unsure why she feels so tense, until it suddenly dawns on her. For the first time in what feels like forever, she's frustrated, sexually. As she gazes at Negan, the dimples in his cheeks almost prominent, she feels hot. Eve finds herself wondering what it would be like to just reach across and nibble the top of his ear. Eve _does_ reach across, but she settles for stroking his ear, even though she's sure he wouldn't mind her nibbling it in the slightest. She brushes her fingers over his jawline, her thumb resting in the dimple on his cheek.

Negan clamps his teeth together, trying his best not to chuckle. He shifts a little, his eyes flickering open as he attempts to appear as if he hasn't already been awake for the last ten minutes. "Hey," Negan croaks.

"Hi." Eve smiles, blushing as she realises her thumb is still resting in his dimple. "Did.. did you sleep okay?"

"I slept fucking perfect. You?"

"Yeah." Eve clears her throat. "I slept good."

 _I'll fucking bet you did,_ Negan thinks, biting his tongue.

* * *

"Nah, he ain't gonna go."

Eve raises an eyebrow, sitting on the back doorstep. "Why would you say that?"

Daryl stands a good few feet away, his crossbow hanging off one shoulder. "'Cause there ain't no one that wants him there."

"He wouldn't have been invited if they didn't want him there," Eve points out.

"Rick's too nice for his own good. Negan won't go for the same reason i ain't goin', we don't fit in."

"Well, maybe you should go then? You and Negan could not fit in together."

Daryl stares at her as if she'd just suggested he cut his nuts off. He drops his head, chuckling lightly. "That ain't gon' happen."

Eve shifts uncomfortably. She'd only come out to get some air, since Negan seemed to be taking forever in the shower. Then Daryl had come by. Eve was starting to wonder why he randomly seemed to hang about in their back yard, and she'd asked him as such, Daryl explaining that he was just patrolling the area. Unknown to her, Rick had purposely asked him to come by every so often, to help her interact with others, and it seemed to be working. Eve didn't mind him so much, though it irked her how he seemed to dislike Negan.

"Whatever. But Negan's going. He promised," Eve says.

Daryl shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe he will. Just don't expect him to get a warm reception. People don't like him much."

"Well, they're hypocrites then." Eve rises up off the step, her fists clenched by her sides. "He's good enough when they wanna use whatever he brings back. Maybe they should think about that?"

Daryl smiles. "Ain't that simple. People have short memories, when he's bringin' 'em shit they need. But they remember quick enough when they gotta have him sit in their front room."

Eve crosses her arms over her chest, shivering a little from the cold. "Why don't _you_ fit in? Did you do something like what Negan did?"

Daryl shakes his head. "Nah. I just don't do all the normal bullshit. Don't feel right. Most people here don't go out anymore. They forget what it's like out there. I ain't forgotten shit. I still see things for how they are. A party?" He shakes his head once again. "Just seems fake, compared to how it really is."

Eve looks towards the wall at the end of the garden, knowing full well what's out there, since she'd spent years alone on the other side.

Daryl waves a hand in front of her face. "Hey, you still here?" Eve jumps a little, taking a step back into the house. Daryl takes a step back also. "Sorry. You didn't say anythin' for like a minute. Just starin' off in a world of ya' own."

"I was.. in a world of my own."

"Where d'ya go?"

Eve shakes her head. "Nowhere good. I gotta go. Maybe we'll see you at Rick's party."

Daryl snorts. "Dont hold ya' breath."

Eve watches him leave, his boots crunching against the snow. She glances over at a trio of snowmen, one that she'd built with Negan, and the other two she'd built with Judith. Eve steps out, walking towards the snowmen in her bare feet. She unwinds Negan's red scarf from the snowman's neck, and heads back inside.

"Sweetheart," Negan calls down. "Is the back door open? My fucking nuts are the size of raisins up here."

"Sorry." Eve closes the door, leaving Negan's scarf on a side table before heading upstairs.

"Hey, you okay?" Negan frowns.

Eve nods. "I just zoned out a little, that's all."

Negan looks down at her bare feet, which are almost a dark purple. "Jesus, Eve. Have you been outside with no shoes on again?" He gets up from the bed in just a towel, and grabs her a pair of socks from his drawer. "Here, stick these on before your feet fucking drop off."

Eve takes them before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "They're fine, i wasn't out there long."

Negan kneels down in front of her, placing his hand against her feet. "They're like blocks of fucking ice." Negan rests her feet in his lap, massaging them gently.

"Sorry," she whispers, whincing a little as her feet begin to ache as they slowly warm up at his touch.

"Don't be sorry. Just put some fucking shoes on next time." He chuckles lightly. "What were you doing out there anyway?"

"Our snowman was looking a little worse for wear, so i brought your scarf back in."

"Well, it's warming up a little. This time tomorrow, those snowmen won't be anything more than puddles."

"I talked to Daryl for a little bit."

Negan smiles. "I'm starting to think he's fucking sweet on you." He looks up at her a little needily. "You're.. not sweet on _him_ are you?"

Eve smiles, wiggling her toes in his hand. "Definitely not. Kinda got my eye on someone else."

"Really?" Negan smirks. "Is it Rick?" He teases.

"Shut up." She laughs. Eve looks down at him, his attention very much on her feet. "Negan."

"Yeah?"

"We don't have to go."

Negan looks up at her. "Go where?"

"Rick's new year party."

"Why wouldn't we? You said you wanna go."

"I do, but.. we don't _have_ to go.. if you don't want to."

"Why wouldn't i want to?" Negan raises an eyebrow, then it dawns on him. "Oh, i get it. Daryl's been whispering in your ear."

"It's not like that. I.. i don't wanna go somewhere if everyone's just gonna be mean to you."

Negan sighs deeply. "No one's gonna be mean to me, sweetheart. They'll probably fucking ignore me at worst. I'm tough as old fucking boots, Eve. I couldn't give a shit what they think."

But the way he looks down at her feet whilst he forces a smile, tells her different. "Negan-"

"It's fine, sweetheart. Seriously. Now, if you don't shut up about it, i'm gonna start tickling your fucking feet."

Eve giggles. "Don't you dare."

* * *

He didn't want to go, that much was true. And in spite of what he'd said, he _did_ care what they thought about him, to an extent. But he _would_ go, because he'd promised her, even though he was pretty damn sure she wasn't ready.

Negan rubs his hands together, his breath visible in the cold, night air. As he stands above the gate, he's grateful Eve had given him back his scarf.

"Hey, i'll take over now," Rick says as he makes his way up the ladder.

"Thank fuck for that. It's fucking colder than a snowman's titty out here," Negan jokes as he hands Rick the rifle from his shoulder.

"You still coming tomorrow?"

"Sure, unless you plan on cancelling last minute?" Negan asks hopefully.

Rick laughs. "No, i dont plan on cancelling."

"I thought we were low on fucking food? Marie all but threw it in my face, that we'd have to ration."

"There won't _be_ any food. It's a new years party, Negan. People just wanna drink, and we've got plenty of that." Rick tilts his head. "You changing your mind about going?"

"No. If it's happening, then i'm fucking there. I'm gonna be the life and fucking soul of that party." Negan laughs uncomfortably.

Rick rests a hand against Negan's shoulder. "You'll be fine."

"Daryl doesn't seem to think so. He's been filling Eve's head with all kinds of shit."

"Yeah, well Daryl never goes to any of the communities get togethers, so he wouldn't know," Rick points out. "You worried about Eve?"

"Obviously. But, not just how she's gonna be around so many people. It's how she's gonna react to how people are with me. I don't want her getting upset. Or worse.. i don't want her overreacting."

"You think she's gonna fight for your honour?" Rick jokes.

"Shut up. And goodnight, asshole. I'll seeya tomorrow."

 **Author's Note**

 **Sorry it's been a while since i've updated. My muse decided to bog off and left me alone, so i could barely write a single sentence. Very annoying, since writing is kinda like my therapy, so ima handcuff the bitch so she can't leave again lol.**


	25. Chapter 25

Negan stares up at the ceiling, one arm beneath his pillow, and the other around Eve. He'd been awake for over an hour, unable to sleep after the strangest dream. It had reminded him of a dream he'd had back in high school, except, instead of being naked in the cafeteria, he'd been naked at Rick's house. Everyone had pointed and laughed, and as he'd tried to leave, the door had refused to open. Then, he'd felt someone tugging at his arm. It was Eve, and she was as naked as he was, her face a bright crimson. Negan had stood in front of her, doing his best to cover her nakedness. Suddenly, the laughter had stopped, and as he'd looked into the lounge, it was filled with bodies covered in blood. Negan had looked down at his hands, coated a dark maroon.

That's when he'd woken up, covered in a sheen of sweat. He'd laid there, trying to pick his dream apart, listening contentedly to Eve's slow breaths.

 _This is bullshit.. this is gonna be the worst fucking day ever._

* * *

Eve rubs her hands nervously as she sits at the dressing table. She had borrowed a green, knee length, summer dress from Michonne, and paired it with a black, button up sweater. She hadn't thought to borrow a pair of nice shoes, and she didn't really care, opting for a pair of grey, converse sneakers. Eve picks at her legs, and to her surprise, there's nothing to pick at, every scratch and scrape completely healed. All that was left, were fading, red marks. She settled for chewing on her nails instead.

"That's a bad habit, sweetheart."

Eve turns to face him. His hair is slicked back, his beard freshly trimmed, and he'd picked out a pair of black jeans, and a black shirt. He'd left the first two buttons undone, and his chest hair was peeking through.

"You look handsome." She smiles.

"And you look fucking beautiful, as always."

"Thank you. I probably should've borrowed some shoes," Eve says, glancing down at her sneakers.

"You look fucking perfect." Negan offers his hand to her, Eve taking it as she rises to her feet. He wraps an arm around her waist, kissing her sweetly, his beard smelling faintly of cologne.

"Do we need to bring something?"

Negan shakes his head. "Just ourselves. Rick said there's plenty of booze."

"I don't drink."

Negan stares at Eve in surprise. "Really? Why?"

Eve smiles. "Why do people do that?"

"Do what?"

"Look at you like a weirdo when you say you don't drink?"

Negan opens his mouth, then closes it with a smile. "I guess they don't understand how someone doesn't wanna drown their fucking sorrows from time to time."

Eve shrugs her shoulders. "I can't stand the taste. And, i don't like how it makes me feel."

"Fair enough. They'll probably have a bowl of non alcoholic punch or some shit." Negan runs a hand over his beard. "I might stay fucking dry actually."

"No, you don't have to do that. Anyway, you're probably gonna need it."

* * *

They stand outside Rick's front door, Eve clinging to the crook of Negan's arm.

"Maybe Rick isn't in," Negan says.

"There's music playing, and i can hear people in there." Eve smiles.

"Maybe it's some weird swingers party. Wouldn't surprise me if Rick's into that kinda shit." Negan chuckles.

Eve tugs on his arm. "Negan."

"Alright." He nods. "But if i see a bowl of keys on the side, we're fucking outta there."

They step through the door, Negan closing it behind them as they stand in the hall. There's a banner on the wall, Happy New Year painted in array of colours. A few decorations hang from the ceiling, most likely left over from Christmas. Eve takes no notice, her hand shaking as she claws at Negan's arm.

"They're staring at me," she whispers.

"No they're not, sweetheart. They're staring at _me._ "

And for the most part, he's right. All eyes are on him as he stands in the hall.

"Maybe we should go?" Eve says, her cheeks feeling flushed.

"Hey, ya' ain't goin' nowhere. If i gotta stay, then so do you," Daryl says from the kitchen.

Eve smiles. "You came. I thought you said this wasn't your kinda thing."

Daryl shrugs his shoulders. "It ain't. But they got beer." He holds up a glass.

"Daryl." Negan nods, clearing his throat as he looks down at his feet. Daryl hands him a glass, Negan looking up at him in surprise. "You piss in it or something?"

"Nah, can't promise i didn't think about it though."

Negan laughs briefly before taking the glass. "Thanks."

Daryl nods before offering Eve a glass.

"I don't drink."

Daryl frowns. "I ain't ever known someone who didn't drink. You in AA or somethin'?"

"No," she laughs.

"Rick made punch. I was gonna liven it up a bit, guess it's good ya' got here before i did."

"Hey, you came." Rick smiles, patting Negan's shoulder. "And you got Daryl here."

"I didn't invite him," Negan mumbles before sipping his drink. "Is everyone still fucking staring?"

Rick looks over his shoulder. "Little bit. Why don't you go over and say hi?"

"Yeah, while i'm at it, why don't i go get a fucking enema?" Negan rolls his eyes.

"Where's Judith and RJ?" Eve whispers, popping her head round Negan's arm.

"They're having a sleepover. That way i can get good and drunk, don't have to worry about getting up early. Carl's here though. Came all the way from Hilltop." Rick smiles.

"Who's Carl?" Eve asks.

"Rick's eldest. You can't miss him, sweetheart. On account of his only having one eyeball," Negan chuckles.

"Really? How did that happen?"

Rick waves a hand. "It's a long story."

"He got shot in the face. Can you fucking believe that?" Negan raises an eyebrow.

Eve shakes her head. "How did he survive that? Did Carson save him?"

Rick looks down at his feet briefly. "No, it was a long time ago. Carson wasn't here back then. It was Denise."

Negan's heart suddenly beats a little faster, his cheeks going red as he wishes the ground would swallow him up.

"Wow! Well, she sounds like an amazing person." Eve smiles. "Did she move to another community?"

Daryl stares coldly at Negan before dropping his head. "Nah, she ain't around no more. Didn't make it," he says before walking off.

Eve watches him leave, sighing deeply. "Shit, i'm sorry. Were they close?"

Rick glances at Negan. "You could say that."

Negan clears his throat, staring down at his feet. "What Rick is too nice to tell you, is it was my men that killed her." He looks down at Eve. "Sorry, i just thought i should be honest."

"Oh. I.." Eve shakes her head. "Maybe next time you say it's a long story, i'll keep my mouth shut."

Rick takes a step forward. "No, you don't have to do that. It's.. like i said, when we spoke that time. We've all done stuff."

Eve glances in the direction Daryl went. "Was he there, when it happened?" Rick nods in reply. "Oh." Negan chews on the inside of his cheek, wishing the subject had never been brought up. He feels Eve squeeze his hand, her eyes gazing up into his as she smiles sweetly. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. "Rick, could.. could you walk with me in the direction Daryl went? I wanna talk to him."

Rick nods. "Yeah, sure."

Eve squeezes Negan's hand. "Get yourself another beer, i'll be back soon."

Negan opens his mouth to say he doesn't want to be left alone, but he quickly closes it, nodding at her with a smile.

* * *

They find Daryl sitting at the bottom of Rick's garden smoking a cigarette, his back to the both of them.

"You want me to hang around?" Rick asks.

Eve shakes her head. "I'll be okay. Daryl can walk me back." She makes her way to the end of the garden, feeling surprisingly brave considering how far out of her comfort zone she is.

Daryl flicks away his cigarette. "What ya' doin' out here? Thought ya' couldn't be more than two feet from Negan without pissin' ya' pants?"

"I'm sorry about your friend."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Long time ago."

"And yet you're still feeling it." Eve sits down beside him. "I get why you can't be friends now. Thanks for trying though. And thanks for coming. I know you didn't want to."

Daryl glances at her before letting out a snort. "I don't do nothin' i don't want to."

"So you _wanted_ to come to this party then?" Eve smiles.

"Shut up," Daryl says, hiding a smile.

"Negan _is_ sorry."

"I don't care. He could tell me sorry till he's blue in the face, i wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire."

"Well, he is. We've all gotta live with stuff. There isn't one of us that's got clean hands." Eve glances down at hers. "Mine more than others. I.. i'm gonna have to pay for that soon. I'm gonna have to work with those fucking assholes." She shakes her head. "And there's not a damn thing i can do about it. I know i should be grateful, but, it's hard. The thought of having to be around the Saviors. Almost makes that cell seem like a vacation."

"You forgive him yet?"

"Yeah. 'Cause i know if he'd known what was happening, he would've done something about it. And, he's been good to me. He's never hurt me. Never pushed me. I.. i can feel how much he loves me."

"You love him?"

Eve turns to Daryl with a smile. "That's none of your business." Eve rises to her feet. "You coming back in?"

"Nah. Think i'm gonna call it a night."

"Okay. But, could you walk me back in first? I don't wanna go in there alone."

Daryl rolls his eyes. "Sure."

* * *

Negan leans against the stairs, breathing a sigh of relief as she walks through the door. Eve almost runs towards him, returning to the crook of his arm as she avoids the gaze of those around her.

"You okay?" He whispers.

She nods, resting her head against his arm.

"Hey, it's good to see you here."

"Hey, Carson. Thought you'd be busy doctoring it up and shit," Negan says.

Carson shakes his head. "Infirmary's empty. Let's hope it stays that way."

"Hi, you're Eve, right?"

Eve turns towards a blonde woman, squeezing Negan's arm tightly. "Yeah," she whispers.

"I've heard a lot about you. I'm surprised you came, especially with him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eve glances at Negan, who is deep in conversation with Carson.

"Just, you know who he is, right?"

"Yeah, i know who he is."

"I'm certainly surprised he showed his face."

Eve's cheeks suddenly feel hot, her heart pounding.

"People don't like him much. Not after what he did."

"You tell yourself that _before or after_ you take whatever he brings back from a run?"

She stares at Eve, lost for words. "Erm.. excuse me," she mutters before walking away.

Eve looks around the hall, a sea of faces staring at her. She tries to convince herself they can't _all_ be possibly looking at her, but her mind tells her otherwise. _You shouldn't be here. He didn't wanna come here anyway._ Her heart pounds as she let's go of Negan's arm, backing slowly up the stairs.

"Eve?" Negan turns with a frown. "Shit, where did she go?" He panics.

"I.. i don't know." Carson glances around the hall.

"She went up there," Daryl says, pointing up the stairs.

"Shit!" Negan swallows thickly. "Thanks, Daryl." He makes his way up the stairs, trying the only door that's closed. "Eve?" He closes the door behind him, looking down at Rick's bed, his face falling a little. Negan places his drink on the bedside table, and crawls beneath the bed. "Hey."

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "It all got a bit too much."

Negan strokes her face. "That's okay."

"You should go back down."

"Fuck that. I'd much rather be up here with you." He smiles. "Party's shit anyway." Negan lays on his back, glancing beneath the bed. "It's quite roomy under here. This is the goddamn mansion of beds, don't you think?"

"Yeah."

"Let's just hope we don't find any of Rick's stinky boxers under here."

Eve giggles, stroking his cheek as she turns to him. "Negan."

"Yeah, i know. I'm hilarious as fuck," he chuckles.

"I love you."

His eyes widen, and his throat goes dry. "You.. you do?" Eve nods in reply, gazing deep into his eyes.

She trails her fingers down his neck, his skin breaking out in gooseflesh as her hand dips beneath his shirt. Eve feels his heart pounding. She brushes her lips against his, running her fingers through his hair. "I love you, Negan," she whispers against his mouth.

"I love you too, Eve."

Eve runs hers hand down his waist, tugging gently as she rolls him on top of her.

"Ahh, fuck!" Negan rubs at the back of his head as it whacks against bed frame.

"Shit, are you okay?" Eve asks, holding back a smile.

"I'll live," Negan chuckles.

"This isn't gonna work." She rolls him off her and shuffles out from beneath the bed, Negan close behind her. Eve grabs the collar of his shirt, pulling him close, her lips brushing against his. She lowers her hand, opening the next two buttons of his shirt, curling her fingers through his chest hair.

Negan groans, running his hands through her hair as he tugs gently on her bottom lip. His throat goes dry as her thighs relax a little, his hips settling between them. "Eve?" He whispers, gazing down at her. Shivers run through his entire body as she lowers her hands, unbuckling his belt as she gazes up at him, her eyes filled with need and want. _Oh, fuck!_ Negan brushes his nose against hers, trailing his fingers down her neck as he kisses her softly.

Eve moans lightly as he nips at her jawline, running kisses up and down her neck. She slips her hand inside his boxers, his cock twitching as she runs her fingers down his length. She's hot, her breath heavy as she guides his hands down to her panties.

His hands are shaking as he pulls her panties down her thighs eagerly, pushing her dress up as he ghosts his lips over her collarbone. She tugs at the back of his hair, pressing her lips against his. "I want you," she whispers.

Negan groans, his fingers trailing up towards her thigh before he parts them gently, kissing her fiercely, his tongue rolling against hers. He lifts his head, brushing her hair from her face. "Are you sure?" Eve lifts her hips, rolling them against his cock as if in reply. He wastes no time, slowly sliding himself inside her. "Oh, Eve." Negan clenches his jaw, his face almost pained as she claws at his shoulders.

Eve quickly opens her eyes, panicking for a moment. But it's still Negan, and the look on his face further ignites the heat in her stomach. She slowly rolls her hips, taking great delight in the sounds she elicits from him. Her skin breaks out in gooseflesh as he nips at her sensitive skin, running hot, wet kisses over the swell of her breasts. She inhales sharply as his hips move in rhythm with hers, lighting every last delicious nerve. "Negan."

He claws at her hip, struggling to hold back as she tightens around his throbbing cock. It had been so long, but the thought of leaving her hanging terrifies him. So he slows his hips, his brows furrowed as he tries to hold back.

Her thighs tighten against his waist as she rolls her hips. Eve whimpers, her legs shaking with how close she is to her release. It had been so long. And now, the taste of his lips, his fingers exploring every curve, his pube bone rubbing tortuously against her heat as he fills her completely, it was everything. And in that moment, she couldn't think for the life of her why she'd waited this long. Why they hadn't been doing this all along. "Negan." She throws her head back as he sucks at her neck, his breaths erratic. Her eyes widen as it takes her by surprise. "Oh, God!" The tense knot in her stomach releases as her muscles contract around him, waves of pleasure coursing through her.

Negan pulls her close, her body shaking beneath him. "Oh.. Eve." He rests his temple against hers as her walls clench around him. Negan almost blacks out as he releases inside her, his legs twitching and his toes curling as he cries out her name.

They lay there awhile, breathing in each other's air till they catch their breath.

"I can't.." Negan shakes his head, feeling almost hazy. "I can't put into words how amazing that was." Eve looks up at him with a smile, brushing loose curls from his forehead. "You.. are you okay?"

Eve nods. "Yeah." _For now,_ she thinks, but she pushes that thought aside. "I needed this."

Negan kisses her forehead. "You wanna go home?"

"Yeah. I was stupid, rushing into something like this." Negan's face falls a little, Eve raising an eyebrow until she realises how it sounded. "I meant the party, not this."

"Oh," Negan chuckles.

* * *

Rick paces the hall at the top of the stairs, unsure what to do. He could've sworn he'd heard fucking in there, but surely he couldn't have?

As his hand hovers over the doorknob for the twentieth time, it turns, Negan stepping out with a smile.

"Woah! You scared me there, Rick. Eve's just gonna use the bathroom, then we're gonna go home. Think it was all a bit too much too soon."

"Oh, that's understandable." Rick nods at Eve before she closes the bathroom door. He stares at Negan, who's currently grinning like a Cheshire cat. Rick takes a step towards him. "Wait, you.. did you just have sex on my bed?" He whispers.

Negan furrows his brows as if insulted. "Fuck no.. i had sex _under_ your bed.. well, kind of. It wasn't as roomy as i thought under there."

"You.. i.. i can't believe you did that."

"And _i_ can't believe the dust bunnies under that bed of yours. You _really should_ clean under there some time."

"That's.. that's not even fun-" Rick turns at the sound of the bathroom door closing. "Eve." He nods.

Negan wraps his arm around her. "Thanks for inviting us, Rick. I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, i can see that."

"Seeya, Rick," Eve whispers.

Rick waves a hand. "Seeya." He smiles, waiting till they're out of sight before he dares enter his bedroom.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Thanks for sticking with this story. Apologies to anyone who thought they were gonna get a full on Negan fuckfest, lol. Eve isn't quite there yet. This fic is still nowhere near finished, so there's loads more to come.. that's not a pun, I swear. Thanks for still reading and leaving comments. Xx**


	26. Chapter 26

"So, Negan said you wanted to see me. Is everything okay?"

Eve looks down at her feet uncomfortably. "We.. slept together."

"Oh." Carson clears his throat. "Well, that's great. You know, that you've both taken it to the next level. Unless you weren't ready?"

"I was," she assures him.

"Then why do you look so down?"

"I.. i'm scared."

"You know, you have nothing to feel bad about. What you both did, that's perfectly natural."

"I didn't say i felt bad, i said i felt scared. I.. i didn't ask you here to talk about that."

"Okay." Carson leans forward. "What _did_ you ask me here for?"

"I need the morning after pill."

"Oh." Carson chews on the inside of his cheek. "Eve. We.. we don't actually have stuff like that anymore."

Eve jumps up off the sofa, her eyes wide. "What?! Please tell me you're joking?"

Carson shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Eve. People don't see a need for it anymore, since everyone wants to repopulate. We _do_ have one form of contraceptive. Eugene and a couple of doctors worked on it for a while. It's an injection, like what we used to have before. Of course, the purpose of that was for those with heavy periods, but it's also been one hundred percent effective so far at preventing pregnancy."

"Give me that then."

"It won't work if you're already pregnant."

"It's not even been a day.

Carson shakes his head. "That doesn't matter."

"Then fucking find something!" She snaps.

He holds up his hands. "Eve. I'm sorry."

She drops down on the sofa, holding her head in her hands. "Please. I can't go through that again."

"Listen, Eve. I understand that. But, you may not even be pregnant."

She looks up from her hands, wiping at her cheeks. "Can you test for that?"

"Well, yeah. But if i test you now, it's most likely gonna come up negative anyway, because it's too soon to tell."

"Please, Carson. You must have _something_?" She pleads with him.

Carson rubs at his temples. "I could check expired products, sometimes we keep those a while, for emergencies. But, if i _do_ find something, there's no guarantee it'll work. They lose their potency."

"Couldn't i just take double?"

"I wouldn't advise that. There could be some pretty nasty side effects, you could make yourself sick."

"Do i look like i care?"

Carson sighs deeply. "I care."

"If you cared, then you'd help me."

"Have you spoken to Negan about this?"

"No, and don't you breathe a word either. He's on cloud fucking nine, and i wanna keep it that way for as long as i can."

* * *

Carson heads out the door, Negan close behind him.

"Hey, what the fuck was going on in there?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Because it sounded like Eve was yelling."

"It's nothing to worry about."

"Hold the fuck up. I'll be the judge of that. I wanna know what the fuck you were tal-"

"No," Carson interrupts him. "What me and Eve talk about, is between me and Eve. If she wants to talk to you, she will. Now, if you don't mind, i've got things to do."

Negan watches him leave, feeling a little put out. _Fucker. Who the fuck does he think he's talking to?_ He heads back inside, glancing up the stairs. After tapping his fingers against the bannister for a few seconds, he makes his way up.

He steps into the bedroom, Eve rifling through the closet. "What you doing in there?"

She pops her head out. "Tidying."

"You don't have to do that."

"Actually, i do. Since a certain someone's idea of putting their pants away is chucking them on the floor."

"Oh." Negan rubs at his temples, hiding a smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. Gives me something to do," she says, before going back to the task at hand.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yeah, i know that." Eve folds a pair of his pants, placing them into a neat pile with three other pairs.

Negan rubs at the back of his head. "I erm.. i know i'm not supposed to ask, but, it sounded like you were yelling at Carson. What were you yelling about?"

Eve freezes for a moment, Negan's t-shirt crumpled in her hands. "Nothing," she finally answers, carefully folding his t-shirt.

"Eve-"

"I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" She looks up at Negan, her eyes almost pleading with him.

Negan steps into the closet, kneeling down in front of her. "Eve, look at me." She looks up at him, her eyes a little glassy. "I promise you, sweetheart. If you really don't wanna tell me, then i'll let it go, as hard as that is for me. But, if there's something that's bothering you, you _can_ tell me, and you _should._ "

Eve looks down at her hands, picking at her nails. "I asked him for the morning after pill."

"Oh," Negan says, a little taken aback. "I.. i never thought of that."

"Well, it's not something a guy has to think about."

"I guess not. So why the yelling?"

"Because he doesn't have any.. well, he might have, but they're outta date, so probably won't work."

Negan takes her hand. "You know, it's okay if you are.. you know." He gestures towards her stomach. "In fact, it'd be more than fucking okay in my book." He smiles.

Eve snatches back her hand. "It _would not_ be okay!" She snaps. Negan flinches a little, and her face falls. "I've asked him if i can take a double dose, so he's gonna bring me some."

"Won't that make you sick?"

"I don't care!" She yells.

"Well _i_ do. I don't want you getting sick. Maybe we could just-"

"No! You don't get to tell me what to do."

"I'm.. i'm not trying to tell you what to do, sweetheart. I'm just worried about you. I don't want you taking something that could hurt you."

"You don't understand, none of you do. You don't know what it's like to.." She shakes her head. "To see this little thing you've.. her eyes.. and the noise. It.. it was like a squealing. I can still hear it sometimes. Her eyes were just.. dead." Eve wipes at her cheek. "You don't know pain until you've had to put a baby down. Everything i've been through, _nothing_ hurt as much as that did. I.." She drops her head in her hands. "I can't do that again, i just can't."

"Hey." Negan takes her in his arms, holding her tight. "It's okay, it's okay." He strokes her hair as she sobs into his chest. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. We're gonna take care of this, but we're gonna do it together, okay?"

Eve looks up at him, wiping snot from her nose as she nods her head. "So, you're not gonna try and convince me otherwise?"

"Fuck no. I mean, i'm not okay with you taking something that could hurt you, but, i understand. I.." He wants to tell her that what happened to her baby might not happen again, and that it could be different if she got pregnant again. But as he runs the words through his head, they feel almost empty somehow, so he doesn't. "You're right, sweetheart. I _don't_ know what it's like. You're in control here."

* * *

Carson knocks at Negan's door, feeling much more optimistic than earlier.

"Hey, doc." Negan smiles as he opens the door. "You'd better come in."

"Thanks." He nods, stepping inside.

"Eve's just through here." Negan gestures towards the lounge. "She told me everything, so you don't need to worry about keeping quiet." Carson looks over at Eve as he enters, feeling a little relieved. "I gotta be honest, doc. I'm not exactly over the fucking moon about giving my girl some pill that's out of fucking date."

"Actually, you needn't worry about that. I saw Eugene earlier, and he gave me exactly what i needed."

Eve looks over at Carson. "He did?"

"Yeah. I called one of the people he's working with, an _actual_ doctor. He erm.. actually made me a pill." Carson takes a brown bottle from his pocket.

Negan steps forward. "Hold the fucking phone. What do you mean, _he made it_?"

"I mean, that i told him what i needed, and he happened to have the exact ingredients in his lab."

"Wait, so you want her to be a fucking Guinea pig? Is that what you're saying?" Negan frowns.

Carson furrows his brows. "No. This the exact same stuff as what's always been in the morning after pill, except this isn't out of date, so it's safer and more likely to work."

Eve jumps up off the sofa. "Thank you, Carson. You don't know how grateful i am."

Carson offers her a smile. "It's not a problem. You can take this straight away. But, if you're sick, then you'll have to let me know."

"Why would she be sick?" Negan asks worriedly.

"Possible side effects. All medications have possible side effects." Carson turns to Eve. "You'll probably be fine. But side effects could include dizziness, headaches, stomach cramps, bleeding and nausea. If you vomit within three hours of taking it, you'll have to take another. Just let me know." He hands her the bottle, a single pill sitting inside.

"Thanks," she says, before unscrewing the top and dropping the pill in her hand. Eve grabs a glass of water and swallows the pill.

"Would you like us to talk alone?" Carson asks.

Eve shakes her head. "No." Negan makes his way over to her, taking her hand in his.

"Okay. Well, i want you to come to the infirmary in about four days."

Eve squeezes Negan's hand. "What for?"

"I assume you want that contraceptive injection we talked about?" Eve nods in reply. "Right. I'll have to do some standard checks. First of all, to make sure that pill worked. Also, with your permission, i'd like to do a scan. To check everything's okay."

"Okay." Eve nods.

Carson shifts his feet uncomfortably. "In order to look more closely, it would have to be an internal scan."

Eve's throat suddenly becomes dry. "I.. i'm not sure i can do that."

"I completely understand. But, that _is_ the best way to check everything's okay after what happened when you gave birth. I'm not gonna push this, if you say no, then you say no. But, it _is_ for the best. You could have a female nurse present if you wish, along with Negan. And i could always give you something to help you relax."

"I.. i don't know," she whispers. Negan wraps his arm around her. "I need to think about it."

Carson nods. "That's understandable. I've gotta get back to the infirmary, got what looks like a sprained ankle and a broken nose to deal with. I'll see myself out."

"Yeah, thanks, doc," Negan says.

* * *

Eve lies beneath the covers, staring up at the ceiling.

"You wanna talk about it?" Negan asks.

"I feel like shit."

He pushes himself up, leaning on one elbow. "Side effects?"

Eve shakes her head. "I felt so good yesterday. The best i've felt in a long time. But now, i just feel shit, like i've done something wrong."

"Hey, you haven't done _anything_ wrong. You've got fuck all to feel bad about, Eve. I just, i wish i'd had the sense to think. I was too busy getting my end away."

Eve giggles a little, slapping his chest playfully. "You weren't the only one who didn't think. It just, it felt right. But now, it's like reality has just slapped me right in the face."

"Yeah, reality's a fucking bitch like that."

She looks up at him, stroking his cheek. "I.. i can't do anything else, not until i know it's safe."

Negan rests his hand against hers, kissing it softly. "Of course. I can wait. I'm not an animal.. well." Eve giggles once again, burying her head in his chest.

"How did i get so lucky? To find someone like you?" She whispers.

Negan wraps his arm around her, looking off into the distance. "I wasn't always this nice. If you'd known me back when i was a leader, you'd think i was a different person. I was an asshole."

Eve looks up at him. " _Was.._ an asshole?"

Negan smiles, chuckling lightly. "Ha fucking ha. Seriously though. I was cold. Don't get me wrong, sweetheart. I always tried to be fair, and i always had a soft spot for the ladies.. well, actually, i wouldn't exactly call it a _soft_ spot, more like a har-"

"I get it," Eve cuts him off.

"Sorry, i have a fucking tendency to ramble."

"I've noticed."

"Anyway. I had the same morals then as i do now. It's just, i was cold. You're the first person i've opened my heart up to since Lucille."

"Why did you open your heart up to _me_?"

"I didn't exactly have much fucking say in the matter. You ripped it wide fucking open the moment i laid eyes on you. But, sometimes it makes me think."

"About what?"

"Women i didn't open my heart up to. The ones that got hurt because i was a greedy asshole."

"I'm sure they got over it. Anyway, that's in the past. That's not you anymore, right?"

Negan kisses her cheek. "No. Now you're the one that has my heart in your hand. So, try not to squish it." He smiles.

"I'll try," she whispers, snuggling up to him.

"I love you, Eve," he whispers in her ear.

"I love you too."


	27. Chapter 27

"Okay. Well, you're definitely not pregnant, and everything looks perfectly normal."

"That's great." Eve smiles, leaning back in her chair. "Best news ever."

Negan rests his hand against her shoulder as she leans back a little too far. "Is she okay?" He frowns.

"She's fine," Carson says.

"See, i'm fine." She smiles at Negan.

"The diazepam should wear off soon," Carson assures him. "Would you still like to go ahead with the injection?" He asks Eve.

"Absolutely." She smiles.

"Okay, i'll do that before you leave. You'll have to come back in three months, i'll remind you closer to the time."

"Thanks, doc."

* * *

Eve rests one elbow on the countertop as Negan pours them coffee, the diazepam making her feel pleasantly mellow.

"Here, drink this." Negan hands her a cup. "Might perk you up a bit."

She places the cup down. "I wish i could feel like this all the time."

"Yeah. If this were before, i'm pretty sure they'd stick you on something like that."

"I can see why." She smiles. Sarah stretches out her hand, grabbing Negan's arm and pulling him close. Her hands settle on his waist as she kisses him softly, brushing her nose against his. She trails her fingers up his torso before resting them against his chest, his skin breaking out in gooseflesh.

"Eve, i.." Negan whispers, losing his train of thought as she drags her lips over his jawline. She sucks at the nape of his neck, Negan letting out a low groan. He'd never allowed _anyone_ to mark him, but _damn_ it felt good. Her lips hot against his skin, her tongue flicking over the hickey she'd just left sending a shiver straight to his crotch.

"Hmm," she moans against his neck.

Negan tugs lightly at her hair, almost whimpering at the loss of contact. He looks deep into her eyes, wanting so much to have her right here on the countertop. "Eve, we can't, sweetheart."

"Why not? Don't you want to?"

"Of course i fucking want to. But, you're all fucking high and shit, it just doesn't feel right."

"Feels right to me." She smiles, lowering her hand to his crotch and palming his erection. " _Definitely_ feels right."

Negan stifles a groan, lifting her hand and taking it in his. "Come on, Eve. You know there's no way i'm gonna do anything whilst you're not yourself, as much as i _really_ fucking want to."

Eve smiles, entwining her fingers with his. "Sorry."

"Don't be." Negan kisses her forehead. He sits down beside her, sipping at his coffee. "So, how do you feel? About everything Carson said?"

"Well, right now, i really don't care." Eve giggles. "I'm pretty sure once the diazepam's worn off, i'll feel relieved, amongst a whole bunch of other shit i'd rather not feel."

"Like what?"

"Anxious, afraid.. shit like that."

"You know if i could take all that away for you, i would."

"I know." She smiles, placing her hand over his. "That's part of why i love you. But, it's not the feelings that i'd rather not get back, it's that stupid fucking inner voice. She's a real fucking asshole."

"So i've heard." Negan smiles.

"It's just, it's hard not to listen to her, because she's kept me safe. All those years after what they did to me, she's all i've had, you know?"

He nods. "I do."

"Do you though?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Not.. not like you do. But, i had that voice in my head for a long time. Telling me what i needed to do to survive, what i needed to do to keep those around me alive. That voice, it made some pretty shitty calls over the years."

"But it _did_ keep you alive."

"Yeah, it did. But that wasn't living, not really. I was a fucking asshole. Selfish, greedy, heartless." He looks off in the distance, and Eve wonders what he could be thinking about. She decides it's better not to ask, settling for giving his hand a quick squeeze.

"You're none of those things now. What changed?"

" _I_ did. I had to. As much as i fucking hated my time in that cell, it changed me for the better. I finally got it. I saw what Rick had built here, how he'd got the communities to work together. I could've _never_ achieved that."

"Maybe not. But you're here now, and these people need you, whether they like it or not. I need you." She smiles.

"Well, you've certainly fucking got me."

Eve looks down at the table. "I'm scared."

"What of, sweetie?"

"Once the weather gets better. That guy you talked about, Simon. He's gonna want me to hold up on my end of the bargain. What.. what if i can't do it? Or what if that voice makes me do something stupid?"

"I honestly don't know, sweetheart. But, i'm gonna be right there with you. Simon's getting two for the price of one."

"Is he a good man?"

Negan chews on the inside of his cheek. "He was my right hand man for a reason, because he got shit done. He's making things work with all the other communities, so he can't be all that bad. He's doing fucking better than i did anyway. Simon.." Negan shakes his head. "He got a kick out of killing people, but, it's not like i can say i never did either. He's not like John and David, if that's what you're worried about?" Saying their names leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Maybe. I just, i'm not exactly eager to be surrounded by the Saviors. I mean, i _did_ kill one of their people. I can't imagine they're gonna be too happy about that."

"Well, no. But no one's gonna hurt you, sweetheart, i promise you that."

"I think about that guy, Gareth. You said he was good."

"He was. Gareth wasn't one of my strongest men, but he was loyal, in fact, he was a goddamn pussycat. Knew how to keep his hands to himself."

"He wasn't the first," she says a little sombrely. "Before i got here, before you found me. I came across other men out there." Eve shakes her head. "I never gave them a chance, that voice, it wouldn't let me. Maybe they were good too."

"Maybe. But, sweetheart, if there's something i've learnt, it's that you can't dwell on shit. You dwell on it, it'll drive you fucking insane. You've gotta let that shit go. You did what you did, it's done now. No amount of thinking about it is gonna change that." Negan strokes her cheek, offering her a smile. "I've done a lot of shitty things, sweetheart. All i can do is try and make up for it _now._ "

Eve nods, leaning into his hand as he brushes it across her cheek. "I feel like i need to shower, after _that,_ " she says, referring to her appointment with Carson.

"You want me to stand watch?"

"Always."

* * *

Eve stands under the shower, the pill Carson had given her finally starting to wear off. She didn't really need Negan to stand watch anymore, but she always asked him just the same. A part of her just liked having him there, and another part of her just liked to see how restrained he was.

As she wipes at the shower screen, she looks over at him with a smile. It was always the same. She'd never once caught him looking. He was always standing there like now, his face so close to the door his nose almost touched it.

Eve isn't sure if it's still the effects of the pill, or whether it's just how adorable he looks standing watch, but her heart aches, and she wants him.

"Negan."

"Yeah?"

"Could.. could you come here?"

Negan clears his throat. "Sure." He walks over with his head down. "What is it, sweetheart? You need something?"

"You, i need you."

His eyes widen as he lifts his head, her gaze meeting his through the steamy shower screen. "I.. what do you-"

"Please." She opens the door, Negan struggling to keep his eyes level with hers.

He nods his head, his heart pounding as he takes off his t-shirt and pants, dropping them to the floor. She nods for him to take off his boxers, Negan slipping out of them quickly before she takes his hand, pulling him into the shower.

Eve stands on her tiptoes, her finger following a bead of water trailing down his torso. She looks up at him with a smile, Negan gazing down at her hungrily, his hair falling over his forehead in loose, wet curls.

"I fucking love you, Eve. So much," he whispers.

"I love you too." She kisses him softly, running her hands through his hair. He groans against her lips, sending a heat straight between her thighs. Negan tugs gently at her hair, peppering her neck with kisses as he pulls her close, one hand snaking round her waist. "Negan," Eve moans, and damn if it doesn't send a shiver through his entire body in spite of the heat.

They stand beneath the shower for what feels like forever, exploring one anothers bodies as if it were the first time they'd ever seen a naked form.

" _You,_ are _so_ _fucking_ beautiful, Eve." Negan drags his lips over her collar bone, nipping a path down to her breast. He swirls his tongue over her nipple before taking it greedily into his mouth, his hands almost clawing at her waist.

"Take me right here, Negan. I want you," she whispers, and her tone is so needy, there's not a chance he can tell her no. He guides her backwards, Eve gasping as the cool tiles connect with her skin. Negan lifts her off her feet, her legs wrapping around his waist as he kisses her fiercely.

He pulls away for a moment, gazing at her as if asking permission. She answers with a moan, brushing her nose against his.

Negan groans as he slides into her, Eve clawing at his shoulders as she moans lightly. The pill had pretty much worn off, but the voice hadn't come back yet, and she wants to damn well make the most of it. She whimpers needily as he rolls his hips, creating a beautiful friction against her heat. Her tongue collides with his as he kisses her desperately, his hips moving slowly as he fills her completely.

His face appears almost pained as her walls clench around him. Negan buries his head in the crook of her neck as he slowly drags his length in and out of her. "Oh, Eve," he groans, nipping at her collar bone.

Eve tugs at the back of his hair, bringing his face level with hers. She furrows her brows, her breath hitching as he lights every single nerve inside her. "Negan.." She brushes her nose against his. "Don't stop."

He shakes his head, his eyes shut tight as he rests his forehead against hers, keeping up a steady rhythm. "I won't, baby," he whispers breathlessly.

"Oh.. Negan." Eve throws back her head, scratching at the back of his neck as he takes her close to the edge.

"That's it, baby. Come for me," he groans.

She inhales sharply. "Oh God!"

"Oh, fuck!" Negan groans, her walls pulsating around him as her thighs begin to tremble. He gazes at her, her cheeks flushed as she cries out his name. Negan can hold back no longer, his grip on her tightening as he meets his own orgasm, his legs coming close to buckling. "Oh, Eve," he whispers breathlessly.

Eve smiles contentedly, stroking the back of his hair. "I wish it could be like this all the time," she whispers.

Negan chuckles lightly. "Me too, sweetheart. But, one day it _will_ be."

She brushes her fingers through the curls hanging over his forehead. "Your hair looks cute like this, makes you look real pretty."

"You tying to say i don't look pretty otherwise?" He asks in mock offence, biting on his lip.

"Shut up." She giggles. "You know you're pretty."

"Well, i prefer to go with ruggedly handsome, but i'll settle for pretty."

* * *

Eve lays next to him, running her fingers up and down his arm, smiling everytime he breaks out in gooseflesh.

"You find that amusing?"

She looks up at him, her fingers stroking the top of his arm. "What's that?"

"Knowing that the slightest touch from you drives me crazy."

"Maybe." She smiles.

"Hmm. There's no fucking maybe about it. I bet you thrive on the power you have over me."

"I hadn't given it a seconds thought," Eve says innocently.

"Of course you haven't." Negan smirks. "Seriously though. I can't think of a single fucking thing i wouldn't do for you." He strokes her cheek, letting out a deep breath. "I don't like being this vulnerable, but there's not a goddamn thing i can do about it."

"You think loving me makes you vulnerable?"

He nods his head. "Yeah. Loving anyone makes you vulnerable. Vulnerable to loss,and the pain that comes with it. Vulnerable to enemies, though thankfully, i don't have too many of those anymore. Just fuckers that can't stand me." He laughs.

"Well, we'll just have to be vulnerable together. As long as we've got each other, that's all that matters."

"It sure is, sweetheart," he says, kissing her temple.


	28. Chapter 28

Negan zips up his jacket. He glances over at Eve as she pulls on a pair of black boots that he'd found whilst out on a run.

"You sure about this?" He asks.

Eve nods. "Yeah. I need to get back out there. I don't wanna get soft, Negan."

He drops his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I know, baby. But, i still think it's too soon."

"It'll always be too soon. Besides, the sooner i get used to it the better. I'm pretty sure that Simon guy you talked about is gonna want me to hold up on my end of the bargain once the weather's warmed up."

"I can handle Simon." Negan smiles.

"You shouldn't have to. He's been lenient as it is, i don't wanna take advantage of his generosity. Anyway, it's not like we're going too far."

* * *

"You sure she's gonna be alright?" Rick asks sceptically.

Negan runs a hand over his beard as he checks the cart. "I don't know, Rick. But she really wants to get back out there, and she's got a fucking point. Simon's gonna expect her to be working for him soon enough." Negan pats one of the horses, ruffling its mane. "It's only twelve miles out, guy from the Kingdom is gonna meet us halfway. Should be pretty fucking simple, just a drop off."

Rick nods. "Hopefully you should make good time. Should be back before dark."

"Hopefully." Negan turns to him. "You're gonna have to give her a weapon, Rick. I can't have her out there unarmed. "

Rick looks at him a little uncomfortably. "Of course. I'll go check the armoury, see what we've got."

"Not a gun," Negan says. "Don't get me wrong, i trust her, but.. if she _does_ freak out for whatever reason, i don't want her having a fucking gun at her disposal." He glances in her direction as she makes her way over with Daryl. Her fingers are curled round his arm, and Negan feels a pang of jealousy. He swallows it, offering her a smile. "Hey."

"Hey." She smiles, letting go of Daryl's arm and making her way over to Negan. He wraps his arm around Eve, giving her a quick squeeze.

"We ready?" Daryl asks, playing with the strap of his crossbow.

"Rick's just headed to the armoury, he won't be long."

Daryl takes a battered cigarette from his pocket, leaning against the wall as he lights it. He hadn't exactly been overenthusiastic at the thought of riding out with Negan, neither had Negan actually. But Rick had thought it best, since it was Eve's first time outside the wall in a good while. If anything went wrong, it was better that there were two of them rather than just Negan.

Rick makes his way over with a machete, a brown, leather sheath in his other hand. "Here," he says, handing it to Eve.

She looks at him in surprise, not expecting to be given so much as a small knife, never mind a machete. "Thanks." Eve places it in its sheath, attaching it to her belt. The machete comes just down to her knee, and as she glances up, Rick hands her a small knife.

"Just in case. You should always have a back up." He smiles.

* * *

As soon as they clear the gate, everything feels different. Where as everyone thought she would be afraid, Eve feels quite the opposite. In fact, she's never felt more alive.

She sits between Daryl and Negan, Daryl with his hands on the reins as the horses set a slow pace down the road. Daryl felt no need to push the horses since it wasn't far. It would take them no more than three hours, so long as there were no obstacles on the way.

Eve looks from Daryl to Negan, both of them silent. She'd come to expect that from Daryl, since he only ever seemed to talk when they were alone. But Negan could talk from sunrise to sunset.

"So these people from the Kingdom, what are we dropping off?" She asks, breaking the awkward silence.

"Medical supplies," Daryl answers. "They got a woman just had a baby, month early. That an' they need antibiotics. Some guy got bit an' they had ta cut his leg off."

"Why don't they have their own stuff?" Eve asks.

"Well, baby. The lab Eugene set up is much closer to us than it is them. We have a trade deal with all the communities. Kingdom helps us out when we're running low on shit, and we do the same."

She shakes her head. "All those years i was out there, i had no idea people were rebuilding civilisation whilst i was sitting there eating bugs."

Negan raises an eyebrow. "You ate fucking bugs?"

"Yeah. Gotta eat something."

Daryl laughs through his nose, turning to her. "Negan obviously don't know what it's like to be so hungry that ya' gotta eat bugs."

"Hey, i resent that. I ate some weird shit when you fuckers exiled me."

"Yeah, like what?" Daryl scoffs.

"I was so hungry i ate a fucking frog once. And, i couldn't start a fire, so i ate that fucker raw," he says almost proudly.

"Maybe ya' should learn how ta light a fire, stop depending on other people."

"I _know_ how to light a fire." Negan frowns.

"Without a match?" Daryl asks.

Negan clears his throat. "Well.. no, but that's not the fucking point."

Eve turns to him. "You can't light a fire?"

Negan stares at her. "What is this, pick on fucking Negan day?" She rests her head against his shoulder, Negan smiling in spite of feeling mildly put out.

"Woah." Daryl pulls on the reins.

"What is it?" Negan asks.

"Walkers." Daryl gestures to the road ahead. "Let's wait a minute. See how many."

They wait less than a minute, making sure no more come out of the woods.

"Looks like it's just the three of them," Negan points out. Eve scrambles over Negan's lap, dropping down on the road. "Hey, what the fuck are you doing!" He asks in a hushed voice.

Daryl grabs Negan's arm, pulling him back. "Let's see how she does."

"I don't fucking think so. What if she gets hurt?"

Daryl takes the crossbow from his shoulder. "Won't come ta that. I got a good aim."

Negan clenches his jaw, reluctantly sitting in the cart as he watches Eve make her way over to the dead. "If she gets hurt, i don't need to tell you what i'll fucking do to your ass."

"Yeah yeah." Daryl aims his crossbow.

Eve takes the machete from its sheath, the weight of it in her hand giving her comfort. She swings as the Walker lunges towards her, the machete burying deep in its skull. Lifting her leg up, she kicks at its chest, the machete coming loose as the Walker drops to the ground. As she bares her teeth, the second Walker closest to her falls down, an arrow sticking out of its head. She takes on the third with ease, its brains splattering against her jacket. Eve wipes the blade of the machete against her jeans then places it back in its sheath.

Negan breathes a sigh of relief, Daryl bringing the cart close to her.

"Come on. Let's get them outta the road." Daryl hops down from the cart, Negan right behind him.

"Did i do good?" Eve ask with a smile.

"You did good, baby." He smiles, grabbing the Walker's feet as Darly grabs its shoulders.

* * *

When it came to the dead, nothing had changed. Even if Daryl hadn't taken one out for her, Eve was pretty sure she would have handled it just fine. But when it came to people, that's where she struggled. It becomes evident as they near the outpost, another horse and cart within, and two people she assumes are from the Kingdom.

Eve watches them cautiously from atop the cart. They wear some kind of armour, she assumes to protect them from the dead. There's a man, tall with brown hair, and a woman with long, silver hair.

Daryl jumps down from the cart, rushing over to the woman and hugging her briefly.

"I see you showered," she says, ruffling his hair.

"I didn't know you'd be comin'. Though you'd send someone else."

"I needed the fresh air. It gets a little claustrophobic when everyone depends on you."

"People _can_ depend on you. That's why you're in charge over there."

She looks over at Daryl's cart, frowning a little. "You brought _him_?" She asks sceptically, more surprised that Daryl had actually managed to tolerate Negan rather than being annoyed that he'd brought him in the first place.

Daryl shrugs his shoulders. "This is the first time she's come out since what happened with the Saviors." He leads her over to his cart. "Eve, this is, Carol. Carol, this is, Eve."

Eve offers her a shy smile. "Hi."

Carol holds up her hand. "Hey, it's nice to meet you finally. I've heard a lot about you."

Eve takes her hand, shaking it briefly. "You have?"

"Yeah." Carol smiles. "You've been the talk of the Kingdom. It's not every day someone kills a Savior and lives to see the light of day." Carol glances at Negan. "Simon's been real lenient, and Simon is _never_ lenient."

Negan shuffles uncomfortably, playing with his hands in his lap.

"Why don't you two help Jason with those supplies." Carol glances from Daryl to Negan.

Negan steps down from the cart, Eve close behind him.

"Why don't we leave them to do the hard work?" Carol suggests with a smile. "There's a nice warm flask of tea, and i brought an extra mug."

"Thanks," Eve says, sitting down in front of Carol at a wooden picnic bench. She rubs her hands together, the air icy.

"Here." Carol hands her a mug, steam drifting from the top. "That should warm you."

"Thank you." Eve smiles, warming her hands against the mug.

"So, you're with him." Carol nods towards Negan.

Eve stares at her, unsure whether it's a statement or a question. "Yeah, i'm with him." She blows her tea, looking up at Carol. "I know nobody likes him much, and i get it."

Carol smiles. "I guess they don't. I don't like him much either. But, i've made peace with the fact that he's not going anywhere. I can never forgive him, but i'm grateful for what he did with the Whisperers. He got vengeance for my husband." Carol sips at her tea.

"Your husband?"

"He was killed by the Whisperers. He used to run the Kingdom, and he was a wonderful man." Carol swallows thickly, shaking her head. "Rick was right not to kill Negan. I know Maggie doesn't agree, even now, and i don't blame her. Her child has no father because of him, and that's something you can never get over. But then i think how many children's fathers i've killed over the years. It just feels different when it's one of your own."

Eve nods. "I understand."

Carol smiles. "I would _love_ to know what your secret is though."

"I'm sorry?"

She nods towards Daryl and Negan, bickering over the best way to load up the cart. "Getting those two to work together. I never thought i'd see it."

"I.. i don't know."

"You know Daryl's always blamed himself for Glenn's death."

Eve looks up at her. "I.. why would he blame himself? That was Negan."

"Daryl told me that Glenn's death was on him, that his outburst got him killed."

"I.. i had no idea. But, i doubt that's true."

"Daryl must really like you if he's tolerating Negan." Eve opens her mouth, her cheeks going red. Carol laughs softly, waving a hand. "I don't mean like that. Daryl's a sensitive soul, though you wouldn't think it. Sometimes he just takes to certain people. He must see something in you that he recognises." She tilts her head. "You'll be okay. Just keep fighting whatever it is that's stopping you from being _you._ "

"I'm trying," Eve whispers. She sips her tea. "This is really good."

"Thank you. We make it at the Kingdom. You know, all the communities have a trade fair in the summer. You should come, if Simon doesn't keep you too busy. You're always welcome at the Kingdom.. _both_ of you."

Eve looks up at her in surprise. "Really?"

Carol nods. "You should at least both come to the trade fair, Maggie never goes, so he doesn't need to worry."

"Thank you."


	29. Chapter 29

"What happened to Carol's husband?"

Negan and Eve sit beside the fire, his arm curled round her waist as she rests her head against his shoulder.

"He lost his life just before the war with the Whisperers started."

"Was it that Alpha you talked about?"

He nods. "Carl fell for her daughter, so when the Hilltop gave Lydia back to the Whisperers, he went after her like a lovesick fucking puppy. Obviously Rick went looking for him. Alpha told Rick to keep his people off her land. On his way back, Alpha had marked the border by sticking heads on pikes."

Eve turns to him, her eyes wide. "Really?"

"Really, sweetheart. Ezekiel was one of them."

"That must've been awful. Was there anyone you knew on those pikes?"

"Rosita. I mean, we weren't exactly fucking besties, in fact, if my head had been up there you could guran-fucking-tee Rosita would've been fucking thanking Alpha. But, she was a good woman, complete and utter fucking badass, that, and she was pregnant." Negan shakes his head. "Now _that_ was fucking shitty."

"So, you guys found a common enemy, and that brought you together."

"It did. Everyone stepped the fuck up. Things had been strained between the communities, especially with the Sanctuary."

"I can imagine why."

Negan strokes the top of her head. "Yeah, I'm sure you can, sweetheart. But they earned their place within the communities during that war, they fought just as much as everyone else did."

"Is Alpha the only woman you've killed?" Eve asks.

Negan stares into the fire, his hand squeezing her waist. "I.. there may have been some during the war. I mean, it was hard to tell who the fuck was who or what under those meat suits."

"But she was the only one you knowingly killed?"

Negan swallows thickly. "No. There was another, but that was a long time ago."

"I'm guessing you don't wanna talk about it."

"No, not right now."

"That's okay." She smiles, turning to him and stroking his cheek. Eve kisses him chastely, his beard tickling the tips of her fingers. She turns back to the fire and rests her head against his chest. "You think we'll get much more snow?"

"Eugene said we probably won't get much more, and Eugene is one smart motherfucker. It's gonna be cold though." Negan furrows his brows. "I'm curious. How the fuck did you make it out there during the winter?"

"With great difficulty. I'd normally find some barn and settle in for the winter. Burn and eat whatever I could find. Last winter was the hardest though, there was a blizzard, and the temperature dropped so low that I couldn't even go outside to pee."

"Shit, I remember that. Were you far from here?"

"Probably not. I never really ventured far from here, now that I think about it. Just far enough so that I didn't get bothered by people." Eve sits up a little. "You know what I realised when we got back from our supply run?"

"What's that, sweetheart?"

"That I've seen Daryl before."

Negan raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

She nods. "It was last winter. I'd been staying in a barn, probably about twenty miles or so from here. I was almost starving. Luckily there was plenty to drink what with the snow, but food was scarce. Even the bugs seemed to be hibernating from the cold. So I went out, hoping to catch a bird or something. I saw a dead rabbit in a trap. I'd wanted to set up some traps like that myself, but I'd been way too cold, so I'd just chosen keeping warm over eating. I found about five rabbits all set in different traps, so I took them back to the barn. Half way back there, I heard a snap, and then someone swearing. I hid, and then when I looked up I saw him. I didn't really see his face, just his hair, which was much longer then. I remember looking at his crossbow and thinking that it'd be a cool weapon to have, and that all I'd have to do is kill him to get it." Eve clears her throat. "Anyway, I didn't do that, obviously. He just swore, and then he seemed to jump the tiniest bit, as if something had spooked him. Maybe he knew I was there?" Eve shrugs her shoulders. "But then he just cursed to himself and walked off."

Negan squeezes her shoulder, his jaw clenching a little.

"What's wrong? Are you jealous of Daryl?"

He turns to her with a smile, his eyes a little glassy. "No, sweetheart. Well.. sometimes I am, just a little. But it's not that. It just.. it makes me sad, thinking about you being out there alone."

"Well, I'm not alone now." Eve smiles.

"No, you're not." He says. "So what made you realise you'd seen him before?"

"His winter clothes. He was wearing the same thing when we went out on a run the other day. With that and his crossbow, I realised it was him."

"I wish you'd come across _me_ instead."

Eve turns to him, her lips creeping up in the corners. "Trust me, you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He frowns.

"I would've probably viewed you as a threat out there."

Negan pouts a little. "You saying you would've taken me out? Because that's kinda hurting my fucking feelings, sweetheart."

Eve shuffles into his lap, brushing her nose against his cheek. "Yeah, that's what I'm saying."

"Even with me being as cute as I am?"

"Who says you're cute?" She teases.

"Everyone thinks I'm fucking cute, even if they don't say it. I mean, have you seen these fuckers." Negan points at the dimples on his cheeks. "No fucker can resist these bad boys."

Eve giggles and buries her head in the crook of his arm. "Even so, I wouldn't have found them so cute back then."

"Yeah. I forget how you were when we first brought you here."

"I wish I could forget," Eve whispers.

Negan strokes her arm. "You hungry?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Yeah. I wanna cook though."

"I'll not fucking argue, sweetheart." He smiles.

* * *

Negan salivates as he eyes the dining room table. Eve had gone all out, even making bread rolls to go with the casserole.

"Listen, sweetheart. I know I said I was hungry, but this is too much even for me. You trying to fatten me up or some shit?" He asks as she walks in with a few plates and cutlery.

"Well, you could do with putting on a few pounds." She smiles. "But no."

Negan raises an eyebrow as she sets a third plate at the table.

"I'm sorry, are we expecting company?"

"I erm.. asked Daryl to join us."

Negan stares at her with his mouth hung open a little. "You're shitting me?" Eve shakes her head in reply. "What the fuck would you wanna do that for?"

"Because he's been nice to me, in fact, he's been nice to both of us."

"You know he fucking hates me, right?"

"Which is why I invited him to dinner. Baby steps."

Negan runs a hand over his beard and slumps into one of the chairs. "I'm not that hungry now."

"He might not come," Eve says.

He looks up at her, seeming to perk up a little. "You're right, I mean, why the fuck would he?" Negan stretches out a hand towards the bread rolls and Eve slaps it lightly.

"Greedy. Let me serve dinner first."

Negan smirks and rests his hand against the table.

"You know, this is good actually. Because the odds on him turning up are slim to fucking none, and that means more food for-" Negan flinches and clenches his jaw as someone knocks on the door. "Fuck fucking sake," he mumbles under his breath.

"Will you get that, I've gotta get some more stuff from the kitchen."

Negan reluctantly gets up from the table and makes his way to the door. It's cold out, and Negan breaks out in goosebumps as he opens the door. "Daryl." He nods.

Daryl stands on the porch, shaking his long hair from his face. "I only came 'cause she asked," he barely mumbles. "Didn't wanna tell her no since she never asked people over before."

Negan sighs and steps aside. "Come in.. make yourself at home."

* * *

Negan watches with mild disgust as Daryl shovels food into his mouth as if he were a garbage can.

"Jesus, don't you know how to fucking chew?"

Eve kicks him beneath the table and throws him a cold stare.

Daryl wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand then grabs a bread roll. "This is good."

"Thanks." Eve smiles.

Negan clears his throat. "Yeah, it really is, sweetheart."

"So, Daryl. How long have you known Carol?" Eve asks.

"Since the beginning."

"Wow! I bet there's few people can say that." Eve turns to Negan. "We should take Carol up on her offer and go to the trade fair once the weather's warmed up."

Negan drums his fingers against the table. "We'll see."

"You don't wanna go?"

"I.. I'm not sure I'd be welcome there," Negan says.

"Carol said otherwise," Eve points out.

"Carol was just being nice." Negan plays with his food.

"I doubt that. If she didn't think you'd be welcome then she would have said so. I think it'd be nice to go."

"If Negan don't wanna go then I'll take ya'," Daryl says through a mouthful of food.

Negan's eyes widen. "Woah, I didn't say I _wouldn't_ go." He tries hard not to clench his fist, knowing full well that Eve will notice. "We can go. Just don't expect folks to be happy to see me." Eve rests her hand against his, and Negan relaxes a little at her touch.

Daryl quickly clears his plate. He watches Negan and Eve, feeling torn between wanting to get up and leave now he'd finished his meal, and wanting to find another way to make Negan feel uncomfortable. "I gotta go," he says as he gets up from his chair.

"No, so soon?" Negan asks in mock disappointment.

"Really, you can't stay a little longer?" Eve asks.

Daryl shakes his head. "Nah, I got stuff ta do. Thanks though. I ain't had a good meal like that in a long time."

Negan gets up quickly from his chair. "I'll see you out."

"Thanks for coming," Eve says.

Daryl nods and heads for the door. As he steps out onto the porch Negan steps out with him and closes the door behind them. Daryl stares at him from behind his hair.

"Can I ask you something?"

Daryl shrugs. "Rather ya' didn't, but I'm sure you're gonna."

Negan lets out a deep breath. "Did you come here just to make me uncomfortable?"

Daryl huffs a little. "You would think that."

"So what is it then? You fucking sweet on her or something? Because I can't think of any other fucking reason for you to come here when you can't fucking stand me. So is that it, Daryl?"

Daryl chews on his lip. "It's always gotta be somethin' with you. Course you'd think I only want her for one thing, but it ain't like that."

"Then what _is_ it like? Because I can't lose her, Daryl," Negan says a little needily.

Daryl relaxes a little and looks down at his boots. "She could use a friend.. an' so could I."

Negan stares at him in bemusement. "You've got fucking tons of friends. Everyone likes you here, you're practically a fucking God to them, especially when you show up with a bag full of squirrels or whatever the fuck it is you come back with from a hunt."

"I get her.. what she's been through. I know it ain't the same, not even close, but we're both survivors." Daryl continues looking at his boots. "I ain't sweet on her, it ain't like that. I just know how hard it is for her.. openin' up ta people. I ain't got the heart ta tell her no."

"Oh." Negan looks down at his own feet, feeling rather awkward. "I erm.. I'm sorry. I just, I get a little jealous. Old habits die hard I guess."

Daryl shrugs. "Whatever." He turns and heads down the steps.

Negan steps forward. "Thanks for coming round, Daryl. It put a smile on Eve's face, and I appreciate that."

Daryl looks over his shoulder and nods.


End file.
